Why Is Sex So Important in Marriage?

Posted on February 19, 2024 by russellmckinney

“Marriage” series: (post #7)

The fact that our world has turned “sex” into a dirty word is tragic. After all, it was God who designed Adam and Eve to be sexual beings. He made them “male” and “female” and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). And what is the only way humans can multiply? Sex.

Obviously, then, one reason why sex is so important in marriage is procreation. Since many members of the human race die each day, new members must be born if the race is to continue. Procreation through sex was always God’s plan to perpetuate the race, and even Adam and Eve’s sin didn’t change that. The only change their sin produced in regards to procreation was that giving birth became painful for the woman. We hear this in God’s words to Eve: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception. In pain you shall bring forth children” (Genesis 3:16, N.K.J.V.).

A second reason why sex is so important in marriage is satisfaction. I’m talking now about the satisfying of the natural sex drive. Under the inspiration of God, Paul wrote:

But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:8-9, N.K.J.V.)

Clearly, there is nothing wrong with having a sex drive and “passion.” These things are very real parts of being human. But God demands that we meet our sexual needs within the bonds of marriage.

This explains why Paul, earlier in that same seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians, actually forbids a husband and wife from depriving one another of sex. He writes:

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control. (1 Corinthians 7:1-5, N.K.J.V.)

No doubt, Paul understood that the “water” Solomon describes in Proverbs 5:15-20 isn’t literal water. Those verses say:

Drink water from your own cistern and running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times. And always be enraptured with her love. For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress? (N.K.J.V.)

Furthermore, that wasn’t the only passage in which Solomon, writing every bit as much under the inspiration of God as Paul did, addressed the topic of sex in marriage. The entire book The Song of Solomon (or The Song of Songs) is filled with intimate (sometimes even erotic) passages concerning the joys of romance and sex between a man and wife. For example, in Song of Solomon 4:1-15 and 7:1-7, Solomon gives vivid descriptions of his beautiful wife, the Shulamite, and she returns the favor in Song of Solomon 5:10-16. As we read these passages, it isn’t hard to see that Solomon and the Shulamite were sexually attracted to each other.

Along the same lines, consider these other descriptive passages (all from the N.K.J.V.):

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth” (Song of Solomon 1:2).

“While the king is at his table, my spikenard sends forth its fragrance. A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me that lies all night between my breasts” (Song of Solomon 1:12-13).

“Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold, you are fair! You have dove’s eyes. Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant! Also our bed is green” (Song of Solomon 1:15-16).

“By night on my bed I sought the one I love. I sought him, but I did not find him” (Song of Solomon 3:1)

Some people would be astounded to learn that such passages are in the Bible, but God had these words written and preserved to serve a purpose. He wants the world to know that He is very much for sex! It’s just that the sex has to be in accordance with His commandments and standards.

As for what are those commandments and standards are, here is the list:

Premarital sex is a sin.

Adultery is a sin.

Bigamy is a sin.

Polygamy is a sin.

Homosexuality is a sin.

Incest is a sin.

So, again let me say that “sex” isn’t supposed to be a dirty word. Sex only becomes dirty when we ignore God’s boundaries for it and start engaging in it through sinful ways. Not only is sex the God-designed means of propagation for the human race, it is also His outlet for the human sex drive in married couples. When it comes to sex, we only get into sin when we ignore God’s rules and in so doing turn it into something unholy rather than holy.

Posted in Desires, Homosexuality, Husbands, Lesbianism, Marriage, Series: "Marriage", Sex, Wives | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

What Is the Wife’s Role in a Marriage?

Posted on February 16, 2024 by russellmckinney

“Marriage” series: (post #6)

The wife’s role in a marriage simply cannot be understood Biblically without the use of that politically incorrect word “submission.” As I noted in my previous post, both the Old Testament and the New Testament teach that the husband should be the head of the home. In turn, the wife should voluntarily submit to his headship. The proof texts are: Genesis 3:16; Ephesians 5:22-24; 1 Corinthians 11:3; Titus 2:3-5; and 1 Peter 3:1.

Ideally, though, the wife’s submission will go to a lover not an ogre. If more husbands obeyed the Bible’s command to “love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25), surely more wives would think kindly toward the idea of submission. The same thing can be said in regards to 1 Peter 3:7, which reads:

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (N.K.J.V.)

Nevertheless, at no point does the Bible say, “Wives, if your husbands aren’t all they should be, you don’t have to submit to them.” To the contrary, 1 Peter 3:1 specifically speaks of husbands who “do not obey the word.” Interestingly, that verse teaches that a wife’s best chance of creating a desired change in her ungodly husband is to do it through her chaste (pure) conduct, not her rebellion against his headship.

There is, however, another aspect to the wife’s role in a marriage. And, again, it is one that seems very out of step with our times. According to the Bible, the wife is also to play the role of homemaker. As evidence of this, Proverbs 31:10-31, a passage that offers a description of the ideal wife, clearly describes a homemaker. Similarly, in 1 Timothy 5:14, Paul says:

Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully. (N.K.J.V.)

Along the same lines, in Titus 2:4-5 he encourages older women to teach younger women:

…to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. (N.K.J.V.)

These passages aren’t hard to interpret or understand. To be fair, though, Proverbs 31:10-31 does allow some room for a wife to bring in an income. First, the passage speaks of the woman seeking wool and flax and working with a distaff and a spindle (v.13, v.19). Second, she makes linen garments and sashes and sells them to merchants (v.24). Third, from the money she earns as a seamstress, she purchases a field and plants a vineyard (v.16). You see, she does all of this in addition to being a homemaker.

Finally, Proverbs 31:23 offers us one other aspect of a wife’s role. It says:

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. (N.K.J.V.)

In Bible times, a city’s business was conducted at its gates. Therefore, to be “known in the gates” or to sit “among the elders” was to be a very prominent man in the city. The teaching is that a wife should build her husband up socially rather than wreck him. She should better his reputation, not hurt it. She should be willing to take a backseat career wise if it means helping him get ahead in his career.

Even as I write these words, I realize how foreign they must seem to the “modern woman.” But just remember this: Getting further down the road doesn’t help you if you are traveling the wrong road. The only right road is described in God’s word, and that word can be trusted to lead a wife into the kind of life that will make her the woman God created her to be.

Posted in Children, Family, Husbands, Marriage, Submission, Wives | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

What Is the Husband’s Role in a Marriage?

Posted on February 14, 2024 by russellmckinney

“Marriage” series: (post #5)

The Bible teaches consistently that the husband is to play the role of the head of the home. Ephesians 5:23 can’t be any clearer when it says: “For the husband is the head of the wife…” (N.K.J.V.). 1 Corinthians 11:3 backs that up by saying: “…the head of the woman is the man…” (N.K.J.V.). The husband wasn’t just granted this role in the New Testament age, either. In Genesis 3:16, God says to Eve, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you” (N.K.J.V.).

Now, whenever a preacher starts throwing around these verses, someone might say, “I think women are just as good as men.” Well, the fact is, women are just as good as men. The issue of headship has absolutely nothing to do with superiority.

As proof of this, let me revisit 1 Corinthians 11:3, and this time I’ll quote all of the verse. Paul says to the Christians of Corinth:

But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. (N.K.J.V.)

Please notice that last part of the verse: “the head of Christ is God.” I ask you, is Christ (God the Son) inferior to God the Father? No, He isn’t. The two are coequal as two-thirds of the holy Trinity that is God (John 10:30; John 14:7-11). But is Christ submitted to God the Father? Yes, He is (Matthew 26:39-44; John 4:34; John 9:4; John 17:4). So, clearly, submission does not imply inferiority.

And, husband, you should know that being the head of your home is more about responsibilities than rights. Here again we can trace the idea all the way back to Adam and Eve. After their sin in the garden of Eden, they heard the sound of God walking in the garden in the cool of the day (Genesis 3:8). Immediately, they hid themselves from Him because they didn’t want Him to see they had lost their sinless innocence and been forced to make and wear coverings of fig leaves (Genesis 3:7-8). Of course, God already knew what had happened. But His reaction was interesting. Genesis 3:9 says:

Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?” (N.K.J.V.)

Wait a minute. Wasn’t Eve the one who had caused the trouble? Wasn’t she the one who had first given in to Satan’s temptation and eaten of the forbidden fruit? So, why didn’t God specifically call for her? If nothing else, why didn’t He call for them both together? Why did He single out Adam?

He did it because Adam, as the head of his home, had to bear the brunt of the responsibility for the mess his home had become. You see, being the head of the home is an incredibly serious thing in God’s eyes. When there is trouble in the home, the first person God comes looking for is the husband.

Even if the wife or the kids are the primary troublemakers, everything kicks back on the husband to some degree. If a home goes down on a man’s watch, that man can’t just completely wash his hands of the whole situation and say, “It wasn’t my fault.” Maybe it wasn’t, but just as a coach or manager can’t disassociate himself from his team’s bad season, a husband has to answer for what happened under his headship.

I’ll leave you now with one of my favorite illustrations about headship. It involves a young man and some chickens. The young man was a farmer’s son and one day he announced to his father that he was ready to get married. The farmer said, “Son, why do you want to get married? Don’t you know that when you get married your wife will boss you around?”

The young man said, “Oh, I don’t believe that.” The farmer said, “Okay, let me ask you to do something. Go round up a dozen chickens, tie their legs together, put them in the wagon, hitch up the two horses, and take the wagon into town. Once you’re in town, stop at every house you come to on the street. Wherever you find a husband who is the head of his home, give him a horse, but wherever you find a woman who is the head, give her a chicken.” The father concluded by saying, “I’ll bet you give away all your chickens and come back with the two horses.”

So, the young man did as he was told, and it didn’t take him long to realize his daddy knew what he was talking about. The first eleven houses the young man visited, the woman was the clear head and the boy gave away a chicken. Now he only had one chicken left.

He knocked on the door of the twelfth house and watched as a husband and wife answered the door together. The young man said, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I need to know which one of you is the head of this home.” The man said, “I am.” The young man looked at the wife and asked, “Is that true?” She said, “Yes, it is.” “Well then,” said the young man, “I have a real treat for you. I’m going to give you one of my horses. Which one would you like?” The husband said, “We’ll take the black one.” But the wife said, “Wait, I think the brown one is better.” The husband said, “Fine, we’ll take the brown one.” The young man said, “No, you’ll take a chicken!”

Posted in Headship, Husbands, Marriage, Series: "Marriage", The Trinity | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

What About People Who Want to Be Married But Aren’t?

Posted on February 12, 2024 by russellmckinney

“Marriage” series: (post #4)

Somewhere along the way, the term “the gift of singleness” began to be a thing. This term is an attempt to convey the idea that some people have a special ability to remain single, never having a desire to get married. In other words, “the gift of singleness” is not just being single. It is more than that. It is the ability to spend your life single and be content, even happy, about doing it.

No doubt, the “gift of singleness” term derives from 1 Corinthians 7:7. Paul begins that verse by saying he wishes all men were like him in regards to being single and being able to serve Jesus without having to also deal with the responsibilities of marriage. But then he quickly follows that up by acknowledging that the single life isn’t for everybody. As he describes the situation, “…each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that” (N.K.J.V., emphasis mine). Obviously, Paul is calling his ability to remain happily single a “gift,” hence the term “the gift of singleness.”

So, while the full term itself is never used in scripture — and even if it was, such a “gift” wouldn’t be on par with an actual spiritual gift like teaching, giving, ministering, etc. (Romans 12:3-8; 1 Corinthians 12:1-13; Ephesians 4:7-16) — I understand why people talk about “the gift of singleness.” After all, some folks just don’t need or want to get married. That doesn’t make them bad people. It just makes them people who are more than okay with not getting married.

By contrast, though, telling some people they have “the gift of singleness” is about like telling them they have “the gift of baldness,” “the gift of nearsightedness,” or “the gift of awful in-laws.” In such cases, an individual might sarcastically say to God, “Gee, thanks, Lord. Of all the gifts You could have given me, THAT’S the one You picked?” You see, it’s one thing to try to live the single life, the life described in Matthew 19:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:32-40, when you feel blessed to have the opportunity to live that kind of life. But it’s quite another thing to try to live that life when your desire for marriage is so great that it causes you to cry out to God, begging Him to send you someone.

Since I have been married for many years, I certainly don’t pretend to be the all-knowing voice of wisdom and practical advice in regards to this topic. I’m far from that. Nevertheless, I do feel led of the Lord to at least attempt to offer some thoughts that might help someone who is currently living in the vortex of this problem. As you read these, I hope you will hear them as coming from a guy who is trying to help, not a guy who is talking down to anybody. Also, since I am a Christian and a preacher, my list is going to naturally be slanted toward Christianity and the Bible.

#1: Jesus is the One who has the answers you need. If you have never placed your belief in Jesus as Savior, do so now. He is God the Son, who left heaven, was miraculously conceived in the womb of a Jewish virgin named Mary, was born into the human race, lived a sinless life among the people of this world, died on a Roman cross as the substitutionary sacrifice for the sins of the entire human race, resurrected from the dead, ascended back to heaven, and now provides salvation (i.e., the forgiveness of all sin, acceptance into heaven) to any individual who voluntarily places saving belief in Him. Furthermore, the moment a person believes in Jesus this way, He sends God the Holy Spirit to literally live inside that person’s body. This is the “born again” experience (John 3:1-8), and it changes you on the inside by giving you a new nature, new priorities, new desires, and new attitudes. Additionally, the indwelling Holy Spirit will guide you and teach you in regards to all truth (John 16:13), which includes what is God’s will for your life and what isn’t.

#2: God doesn’t want any single person to be stressed out, worried, or filled with anxiety about not being married. As Philippians 4:6-7 says: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus” (N.LT.). Another good passage on this is 1 Peter 5:7: “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you” (N.L.T.).

#3: If you have a desire to get married, don’t ignore that desire. This holds especially true if you are a Christian. Philippians 2:13 says: “for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (N.K.J.V.). That means that God, working through the indwelling Holy Spirit, implants within the Christian the desire to do His will. One example of that would be Him implanting within the Christian the desire to get married.

#4: Live all out for Christ while you are single. Married or unmarried, the best way to live is to bring every corner of your life under the lordship of Jesus Christ. Get in lock step with Him and let Him guide you into His will. First, begin by committing your entire body to Christ as a living sacrifice the way Romans 12:1-2 describes. Second, even more than just begrudgingly obeying Christ’s commands and emulating His example, strive to get to a level where you actually delight yourself in serving Him. By implication, this will include delighting yourself in the Lord’s perfect will and plan for your life. As you do this, you can then claim the very real promise of Psalm 37:4: “Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart” (N.K.J.V.).

#5: Don’t assume that your singleness is God punishing you for mistakes you’ve made in the past. If you know Christ as Savior, ALL of your sins are forgiven. I’m not minimizing or excusing anything you’ve done; I’m just pointing out that it’s Satan, not God, who loves to bring up your past. God is very much a God of the here and now, not to mention the future.

#6 It’s at least possible that it’s not God’s perfect timing yet for you to get married. Marriage doesn’t have to happen in a person’s late teens or early twenties or else the opportunity is missed. As evidence of that, when Tonya and I got married, I was 27 and she was 25. While it might never be in God’s plan for a person to marry, age doesn’t have to be the tell-tale sign that proves that.

#7: Always keep an eternal perspective in mind when you think about marriage. For all the talk about marriage, the only marriage in eternity will be the one between Jesus and His church (Matthew 22:30). Yes, you read that right. No marriage extends into the afterlife. As Ephesians 5:22-33, Revelation 19:6-9, and Revelation 21:9 teach, the church is the eternal bride (wife) and Jesus is the eternal bridegroom (husband). Marriage between any man and woman is only a temporal, earthly relationship.

Now, as I begin to close, let me say again that I was 27 years old before I got married. Because of that, I do know something about trying to live a life of holiness as a single and waiting on God to send someone my way. I’ve been on bad blind dates, dressed up for the grocery store in hopes of meeting a girl there, gone to the movies by myself, and foolishly chased relationships that were dead ends. Undoubtedly, that is not a fun way to live. Going around angry, disappointed, frustrated, bitter, jealous, and resentful is no way to live, either. Therefore, I would advise any single person who is feeling such emotions to go to God in prayer, voice all complaints to Him, and in so doing be achingly real with Him.

You might be saying, “But I’ve already done that many times.” Well, don’t stop doing it until you get some definite answers. Don’t just talk at God, talk with Him. As for His answers, they can come by way of His written word, His inner voice (if you are a Christian), your circumstances, open doors of opportunity in your life, closed doors of opportunity in your life, the wise counsel of others, your desires, your preferences, and any other ways in which God sees fit to convey His will to you.

As for the question, “When do you reach a point where you just give up on the idea of getting married?” that’s not for me to answer. Going back to statement #1 on my list, Jesus is One who has the answers you need. Any Savior who loves you enough to literally die for you loves you enough to want good things for you. And maybe marriage is one of those good things He has in mind for you. If it isn’t, that simply means that Jesus is calling you to play an unmarried role in life. One thing is for sure, He doesn’t make mistakes, and that includes making one by not letting you get married. You just need to commit yourself to Him and allow Him to work you through the process of molding and shaping you into the person He wants you to be, either married or unmarried. That molding and shaping will take a lifetime, but it will result in a life well lived and awesome eternal rewards.

Posted in God's Will, Marriage, Series: "Marriage", Singleness | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Does God Want Everyone to Get Married?

Posted on February 9, 2024 by russellmckinney

“Marriage” series: (post #3)

Is it God’s will for each person to get married? The Bible’s answer is, no. However, the reason the Bible names for remaining unmarried is an interesting one. It has to do with the single person being able to devote more time, energy, and resources to service to Christ.

The passage on this is 1 Corinthians 7:25-40. In those verses, the apostle Paul presents the advantages of remaining, as he puts it, “without care.” He says of the man:

But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord — how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world — how he may please his wife, (1 Corinthians 7:32-33, N.K.J.V.)

Then Paul applies this same thought to the woman, as he says:

There is a difference between a wife and a virgin (Paul’s term for an unmarried woman).The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world — how she may please her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:34, N.K.J.V.)

Needless to say, we shouldn’t take these verses as an indictment against married people. After all, God’s ordained way of propagating the human race is through marriage, and a person can certainly be married and still serve the Lord. But Paul’s point is a good one. Anyone who has been married for one week knows that married life carries many responsibilities with it, and those responsibilities will eat away at time, energy, and resources that could be spent on matters that are more obviously spiritual.

I purposely use that word “obviously” because the fact is that every aspect of a Christian’s life is, in a very real sense, “spiritual.” This same Paul wrote in Colossians 3:17:

And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. (N.K.J.V.)

He says basically the same thing in 1 Corinthians 10:31:

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. (N.K.J.V.)

Those two verses remind me of that little story about the woman standing at the sink, washing the dishes. A sign above her sink reads, “Divine service rendered here three times daily.” You see, even a marriage responsibility such as washing the dishes can become “divine service” when it is done to the glory of God.

Nevertheless, what Paul is saying in the 1 Corinthians chapter 7 passage is that single people can do certain things for the Lord married people just can’t do. I was a pastor before I got married. Back in those days I could sit up all night working on sermons and not worry about bothering anybody else in the house. Do you know what made that possible? It was the fact that there wasn’t anybody else in the house.

Similarly, I could pray out loud while I laid in bed. I could plan my pastoral visitation schedule with no thought whatsoever to what was going on with my wife’s day. I didn’t have to concern myself with the cares of grocery shopping for anyone other than myself. I didn’t have two boys to get to their ball practices. I didn’t have a mother-in-law or a father-in-law to include in my plans for the holidays. I was, to use Paul’s words, “without care,” except the care I put into serving Christ.

In Matthew 19:12, Jesus gives this same teaching. He says:

“For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.” (N.K.J.V.)

With these words, Jesus describes three different types of eunuch. First, the eunuchs who were born eunuchs would be those people who shouldn’t get married because of physical or mental problems from birth. Second, the eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men were men who were castrated in order to serve in royal service to a king. (In the East, it was common practice to castrate certain servants, particularly those who were placed in charge of kings’ harems.) Third, the eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake are those who have voluntarily committed themselves to celibacy and remaining unmarried in order that they might completely give themselves over to service to the Lord.

And so, we see that there is nothing wrong with remaining single. However, if you are going to go that route in life, you must ask yourself the question, “Why do I want to remain single?” Is it because you don’t want to be “tied down” to one person? Is it because you want to be free to “play the field”? Is it because you are far too self-absorbed and self-centered to ever think about sharing your life with someone else? Or is it because you want to keep yourself free so that you can devote 100% of your time, energy, and resources to Jesus?

If that last one is your motivation, then you are in the good company of Christians such as Paul, people whom God is able to use in ways that are different than the ways in which He uses married people. You see, remaining single is certainly nothing of which you should be ashamed. You just need to make sure that you take the time, energy, and resources that you would spend on a spouse (and potentially children) and spend them exclusively on Jesus.

Posted in Children, Family, Fatherhood, God's Will, Marriage, Motherhood, Series: "Marriage" | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Who Should a Person Marry?

Posted on February 7, 2024 by russellmckinney

“Marriage” series: (post #2)

At the risk of sounding simplistic, a person should marry the one whom God wills. It’s crazy to think that if God’s plan for an individual’s life involves marriage, He wouldn’t have a spouse in mind for that individual. While it’s true that Adam didn’t have any other options but Eve, it’s also true that God “brought her” to him. As Genesis 2:22 says:

Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. (N.K.J.V.)

Adam’s lust didn’t bring Eve to him (i.e., “I was in the heat of passion for her.”). His loneliness didn’t bring her to him (i.e., “I was very lonely and she was there.”). His need didn’t bring her to him (i.e., “I needed someone and she was convenient.”). His circumstances didn’t bring her to him (i.e., “We were both living in the same area and just kind of came together.”). His parents didn’t bring her to him (i.e., “Mom and dad thought we’d make a nice couple.”). His friends didn’t bring her to him (i.e., “My friends hooked me up with her.”). No, it was God who brought Eve to him.   

It’s not that God can’t use loneliness, need, circumstances, parents, or friends to bring a man and woman together in His will. For that matter, He can even use lust in that way (1st Corinthians 7:8-9). The point is that regardless of the means God uses to bring the couple together, each spouse will be able to look at the other spouse and truthfully say, “I know that God brought you to me. I know you are the person He willed for me to marry.”

Now, with this in mind, let me mention that there are a couple of major Biblical guidelines as to who a person should marry. Guideline #1 is: No man should marry another man, and no woman should marry another woman. The relevant Old Testament passages on this topic (Genesis 2:21-25; Genesis 19:1-29; Leviticus 18:22; Leviticus 20:13) are crystal clear, and so are the New Testament passages (Matthew 19:1-6; Romans 1:18-32; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; 1 Timothy 1:8-10; 2 Peter 2:4-6; Jude 1:5-7). As I once heard a preacher say, “If the Bible doesn’t teach that homosexuality is a sin, it doesn’t teach that anything is a sin.”

Guideline #2 is: A Christian should never marry someone who isn’t a Christian. The passage on this one is 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. Those verses call such a union an “unequal yoke.” A yoke is wooden bar or frame that sits across the shoulders of two draft animals and binds them together side by side for the purpose of work. Oxen are most typically the ideal animals to yoke together for working, hence the term “a yoke of oxen.”

But what if a farmer put an ox in one harness of the yoke and a horse in the other? In such a case, the yoking wouldn’t function properly because an ox and a horse are different. Their shoulders aren’t the same height. Their walks are different. Their mannerisms aren’t the same. All this would make for an unequal yoke.

Likewise, a Christian and a non-Christian are two completely different types of people. They don’t think alike. Their priorities aren’t the same. They don’t approach life in the same way. That’s why God says they shouldn’t get married.

Needless to say, who a person marries will go a long, long way in determining the quality of that person’s marriage. This is why it’s so important to marry in God’s will. Adam and Eve lived together for centuries as husband and wife and produced descendants that, to a large extent, served the Lord (Genesis 5:1-32). But how did it all start for them? It started with God bringing them together.

You see, that’s always the place to start with marriage, and it’s sad that so many marriages start in other ways. While God can help any marriage become a good one, everything just goes a lot easier if the husband and wife were in His will for each other’s life right from the get-go. Even that doesn’t automatically guarantee the couple a trouble-free marriage, but it certainly does put the relationship on a much more solid foundation from the speaking of the wedding vows.

Posted in God's Will, Homosexuality, Husbands, Marriage, Series: "Marriage", Wives | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Where Did the Idea of Marriage Come From?

Posted on February 5, 2024 by russellmckinney

“Marriage” series: (post #1)

This post begins a series on the topic of marriage. With each of these posts I’ll answer a question that pertains to the topic. Question #1 is: Where did the idea of marriage come from?

The answer to the question is simple: God gave us the idea of marriage. Genesis 2:18 says:

And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make a helper comparable to him.” (N.K.J.V.)

That “helper” was Eve. The Bible first uses the word “wife” in Genesis 2:24, which says of Eve:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (N.K.J.V.)

It is noteworthy that the only thing not “good” about God’s original creation was the fact that Adam was alone. Seven times in Genesis chapter 1 we find some variation of the phrase, “And God saw that it was good.” That all stops, however, when we get to Genesis 2:18, which says it was “not good that man should be alone (emphasis mine).”

Following that jolting change in the storyline, we would assume that the next verse, verse 19, would give us the account of God creating Eve. But that isn’t the way the story reads. Instead, verse 19 talks about Adam naming every beast of the field and bird of the air. What’s up with that? Why didn’t God immediately launch into creating Eve?

He didn’t do it because even though He knew that Adam needed Eve, Adam hadn’t realized it yet. And so, God started bringing land creatures and birds to Adam to let him name them. By reading between the lines just a bit, we can imagine Adam naming each creature and bird and then watching as each one joined back up with its mate to run off or fly off. We know that each of the creatures had a mate because God had previously said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). Well, somewhere over the course of all that naming, Adam had to think, “I don’t have one of those mates.” That was the moment he realized his need for a wife, and that was the moment he became ready to get married.

Of course, the world’s first surgery had to be done before Adam could have a wife. God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and while he was sleeping God removed one of his ribs. From that rib God fashioned Eve.

As for the world’s first wedding, God was the presiding minister over the ceremony. The only vows spoken that day came from Adam when he said of Eve,

“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23).

The Hebrew word translated in that verse as “Man” is Ish, while the Hebrew word translated as “Woman” is Ishshah. The close relationship between the two is obvious. Eve was the shah to Adam’s Ish.

Now, here’s what I want to leave with you about this whole story: Since God is the One who gave the human race the idea of marriage, He is the One who gets to set the ground rules for marriage. That means He decides who can get married and who can’t. He decides what constitutes a marriage and what doesn’t. He decides what role the husband should play and what role the wife should play.

Over the course of this series, we’ll be looking at all these issues as well as some others. In each instance, though, we will always come back to the foundation of God and His revealed word. He certainly hasn’t left us in the dark concerning an institution as important as marriage. We just need to let His revealed light shine and walk in it.

Posted in Bible Study, God's Word, Husbands, Marriage, Scripture, Series: "Marriage", The Bible, Wives | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Temptation’s Wreckers

Posted on February 3, 2024 by russellmckinney

As a lifelong resident of North Carolina, I’m interested in historical tidbits of information about my state. Somewhere along the way, I picked up an old legend about Nags Head, a town located on the Outer Banks of eastern North Carolina. This legend has never been officially verified, but it sure makes for a good story.

The legend has it that in the 1700s Nags Head was home to a group of ruthless land pirates known as “wreckers” (sometimes also called “bankers”). These men would hang lanterns around the necks of “nags” (horses or mules) and slowly walk the animals up and down the beach at night. Out in the darkness of the Atlantic ocean, a ship would mistake the bobbing light for the light of another ship. Figuring the other ship had found safe passage around the dangerous shoals just off the island, the ship in the darkness would turn inland and run aground on Diamond Shoals.

In the mornings, the “wreckers” would walk along the shoreline to gather up whatever timber or other goods the tide had brought in from the wrecked ships. The found loot was then sold for profit. Even now visitors to Nags Head are shown old houses that were supposedly built and furnished with material taken from these shipwrecks, and the assumption is that Nags Head got its name from the practice of the land pirates hanging the lanterns around the necks of the nags. Estimates say that over 2,000 ships perished off this coast during that time period, with many of the shipwrecks being ships that were fooled by the “wreckers.”

Nags Head is now a tourist town of around 2,700. If it ever was a haven for land pirates, those days are long gone. This doesn’t mean, though, that there aren’t still some “wreckers” out there that need to be avoided. A “wrecker” is anyone or anything that causes another to sail into dangerous waters. For example, a seductive man or woman can wreck a marriage, a bottle of booze can wreck a life, a dirty business deal can wreck a career, and a church leader who doesn’t follow the Lord can wreck a church.

The key to avoiding a “shipwreck” is to accurately recognize a wrecker for who or what it is. Don’t fall for just any old light on a dark night. Don’t be misled by a false reality. Don’t be so quick to trade the known for the unknown.

Most of us have heard the saying, “God won’t put more on you than you can handle.” Even though this saying’s principle is a sound one, there is no Bible verse that specifically supports it. The verse in question actually has to do with temptation. It is 1 Corinthians 10:13, which says:

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (N.K.J.V.)

Please note the teaching of this verse. God will never allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to withstand. To the contrary, whenever you get close to your breaking point, He will provide you with an escape hatch out of that temptation. His job is to provide the way of escape, and your job is to use it.

I don’t know what’s going on in your life right now, but could it be that you are considering sailing off toward some strange light? Are you just about to change your course in life simply because you think this light will lead you into safe waters? Friend, beware of the wrecker! If God really wanted you to chart that course, the way would be much clearer and more sure. The night wouldn’t be so dark, and the light wouldn’t be so questionable. Therefore, rather than turning yourself toward that light, you need to start looking around for God’s way of escape from that temptation. Based upon 1 Corinthians 10:13, that way will be there, and if you use it, you will be spared a disastrous shipwreck.

Posted in Adversity, Change, Choices, Contentment, Deception, Decisions, Discernment, God's Will, Greed, Lust, Problems, Temptation, Trials | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Why God Hates Gambling

Posted on February 1, 2024 by russellmckinney

God hates gambling. Perhaps your response to that simple statement is, “But what’s wrong with me having a little fun? I can buy a lottery ticket every now and then, go to a casino a couple of weekends a year, or put some money on the ballgame, and it not be a big deal. I might even win some money.” Well, my friend, it is a big deal with God, and any money you win from gambling is ill-gotten gain. Let me take the Bible and give you four solid reasons why God hates gambling.

Reason #1: God hates gambling because it shows a lack of contentment (1 Timothy 6:6-10, Philippians 4:11-12, Hebrews 13:5, and Exodus 20:17). When you gamble, you are, in essence, saying to God, “I am not content with the financial situation in which you have me. I want more money.” Not only is this matter of discontentment at the heart of the famous commandment — “Thou shalt not covet” — it can be traced all the way back to the garden of Eden. Remember, Adam and Eve coveted the fruit from the one tree God had deemed off limits to them.

Reason #2: God hates gambling because it involves get-rich-quick schemes (Proverbs 28:20,22; Proverbs 10:4; Proverbs 13:4; Proverbs 13:11). The Bible never promotes such schemes. Instead, it consistently promotes hard work, good stewardship, and even wise investing.

Reason #3: God hates gambling because it exploits the poor (Proverbs 14:31; Proverbs 28:27; Proverbs 29:7; Psalm 41:1). Did you know there are many more lottery outlets in poor neighborhoods than in higher income areas? Did you know that on those days when welfare checks arrive around this country, long lines form around the stores that sell lottery tickets? Did you know that in Chicago’s poorest neighborhoods, the Illinois state lottery rented billboards that showed a lottery ticket and the caption, “This could be your ticket out of poverty”? In gambling, for one person to win, other people must lose. And what category of people can least afford to hand over money and get nothing in return? Poor people.

Reason #4: God hates gambling because it frequently destroys peoples’ lives (Proverbs 24:1-2; Ephesians 5:11). Ungodly people and their industries work to tear down society rather than build it up, and the Bible tells us to “have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness” (Ephesians 5:11). But how does the gambling industry tear down society? First, gambling leads to an increased crime rate. Studies have shown that while casinos initially bring short-term economic benefits, property crimes take a sharp rise by the fourth year. Second, gambling leads to addiction. A survey done by two Duke University professors found that 10% of those who buy lottery tickets are compulsive gamblers who account for a whopping 50% of all money bet on lotteries. It’s also been proven that people are twice as likely to become problem gamblers if a casino is located within fifty miles of their home. Third, gambling leads to what we might call “a culture of destruction.” One survey of compulsive gamblers found that 22% had divorced because of gambling, 49% had stolen from an employer to pay gambling debts, and 79% said they wanted to die. Fourth, gambling leads to a demise in local business. Show me $50 that was spent on lottery tickets, and I’ll show you $50 that wasn’t spent in local stores on groceries, gasoline, clothes, or dinner.

The fact is, the gambling industry is a dirty business that thrives off peoples’ pain. Evidence of this is seen in the pawnshops that are frequently located near casinos. One pawnshop owner in Reno, Nevada has actually displayed a jar of gold-filled human teeth that his customers have pulled and pawned. Why would we want to have anything to do with an industry that causes people to do such a thing?

Matthew 27:35 is an interesting verse on this whole topic. It says of Jesus and the Roman soldiers:

Then they crucified Him, and divided His garments, casting lots, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, “They divided My garments among them, and for My clothing they cast lots.” (N.K.J.V., emphasis mine)

Even while God in the flesh was giving His all in dying for the sins of mankind, sinful men were engaging in the equivalent of “shooting dice” to see who would get His clothes. Instead of recognizing what Jesus was doing for them, their attention was focused upon gambling. Sadly, something about that makes me say, “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Ah, but here comes the cry in defense of gambling, “But so many people are doing it.” Well, a lot of people are cheating on their spouses, but that doesn’t make it right. A lot of people are abusing their kids, but that doesn’t make it right. A lot of people are watching pornography, but that doesn’t make it right. Therefore, let’s have none of this argument that says gambling must be okay because so many people are doing it. That argument is nothing but a lie. The hard, cold truth of the matter is that God hates gambling, and it’s about time that message started being heard.

Posted in Addiction, Christ's Death, Christian Liberty, Contentment, Gambling, God's Will, Greed, Money, Personal Holiness, Prosperity, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Get to Work

Posted on January 30, 2024 by russellmckinney

Throughout the Bible, we find verses that can be broken down into two parts: your part and God’s part. Here are a few examples, all from the New King James version, with me adding in the designations “your part” and “God’s part.”

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself also in the Lord, (your part) and He shall give you the desires of your heart. (God’s part)

Proverbs 3:6: In all your ways acknowledge Him, (your part) and He shall direct your paths. (God’s part)

Matthew 6:4: “But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; (your part) and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.” (God’s part)

Matthew 6:33: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, (your part) and all these things shall be added to you.” (God’s part)

Matthew 11:28: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, (your part) and I will give you rest.” (God’s part)

Mark 1:17: “Follow Me, (your part) and I will make you become fishers of men.” (God’s part)

Revelation 3:20: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, (your part) I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” (God’s part)

In regards to each of these verses, God won’t do your part and you can’t do His part. You see, this isn’t God imposing His will on you any more than it is you imposing your will upon Him. Instead, it is a pair working in tandem.

One of those verses I cited was Matthew 11:28: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Now let me tell you what Jesus says in the verse that follows. He says: “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:29, N.K.J.V.)”

For years, I missed the meaning of that verse simply because I didn’t know what a yoke was. Now I know that a “yoke” is a wooden bar or frame by which two draft animals (such as oxen) are joined at the heads or necks for the purpose of working together. To picture a yoke in your mind, envision a wooden board laid across the necks of two animals standing side by side. The board has a slight arc in each place where an animal’s neck rests, and underneath each side of the board hangs a u-shaped harnessing device that buckles the board under each animal’s neck.

This makes for an incredibly graphic illustration. While it would be blasphemous for me to describe Jesus as an ox and for me to place myself right alongside Him in anything, it’s a different story when He is the one painting the word picture. Jesus is saying to me, “I have taken My place here on one side of the yoke. The board is resting upon My shoulders, and the harness is tightened underneath My neck. I’m ready to work. Now I want you to take your place alongside Me in the yoke. Let the other side of the board rest upon your shoulders and let the other harnessing device hang tight under your neck.”

Furthermore, in Christ’s illustration, God the Father is the farmer who owns the yoke and is ready to work the team of animals. Remember that Jesus said, “I must work the works of Him who sent Me” (John 9:4, N.K.J.V.). Isn’t it amazing that Jesus wants me to work with Him to get God the Father’s work done? Despite the fact that Jesus is omnipotent and could do the work by Himself, He asks me to work with Him!

Do you know what that means? For Jesus to want to work alongside me day after day, night after night, He must enjoy my company. He must like having a relationship with me and spending time with me. Make no mistake, it’s an honor for Jesus to ask a person to work beside Him. It means He has saved a place for that person inside the yoke. There He is, shoulders stooped, with the yoke resting upon Him. Then He turns His head from inside the harness, looks at the person, gives a little grin, and says, “Get in here, we’ve got work to do.”

You say, “But I’m not sure I like the sounds of that. I’m afraid the work Jesus has in mind for me will wear me out.” Don’t worry, this work won’t lay you to waste. Notice that Jesus ends His invitation by saying, “…and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light (Matthew 11:29-30, N.K.J.V.).”

What we are dealing with here is a paradox. A yoke shouldn’t be easy, and the burden of being in it shouldn’t be light. Keep in mind, though, that we are talking about Jesus, and He can make the impossible possible. Just as He Himself never tires of doing God the Father’s work, you won’t tire of doing it either when you work with Him. To the contrary, you will find yourself rested.

Oh, and here’s another thing: You don’t have to be super qualified before you can get in the yoke with Jesus because He will teach you how to do the work. I’ve heard that farmers will put an inexperienced animal in a yoke with an experienced one so the experienced animal can teach the inexperienced one how to do the work. By mimicking what the experienced animal does inside the yoke, the inexperienced animal learns. This is what Jesus means when He says, “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me.” He’s saying, “You don’t know how to do God the Father’s work, but I do. All you have to do is join Me in the yoke, follow My lead, and do as I do. In that way, you will learn.”

Tell me, how much of God the Father’s work are you getting done these days? If it isn’t much, you obviously aren’t living the life Jesus wants you to live. Even if you are getting some of the work done, but it is burning you out, something is wrong there, too.

The answer to both problems is simple: Get in yoke with Jesus. That will result in you not only getting God the Father’s work done but also in you enjoying rest for your soul. So, what are you waiting for? Take your place alongside Jesus in God the Father’s yoke and get to work.

Posted in Brokenness, Commitment, Discipleship, Doing Good, Dying To Self, Faithfulness, God's Will, God's Work, Ministry, Service, Submission, Work | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment