“Marriage” series: (post #6)

The wife’s role in a marriage simply cannot be understood Biblically without the use of that politically incorrect word “submission.” As I noted in my previous post, both the Old Testament and the New Testament teach that the husband should be the head of the home. In turn, the wife should voluntarily submit to his headship. The proof texts are: Genesis 3:16; Ephesians 5:22-24; 1 Corinthians 11:3; Titus 2:3-5; and 1 Peter 3:1.

Ideally, though, the wife’s submission will go to a lover not an ogre. If more husbands obeyed the Bible’s command to “love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25), surely more wives would think kindly toward the idea of submission. The same thing can be said in regards to 1 Peter 3:7, which reads:

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (N.K.J.V.)

Nevertheless, at no point does the Bible say, “Wives, if your husbands aren’t all they should be, you don’t have to submit to them.” To the contrary, 1 Peter 3:1 specifically speaks of husbands who “do not obey the word.” Interestingly, that verse teaches that a wife’s best chance of creating a desired change in her ungodly husband is to do it through her chaste (pure) conduct, not her rebellion against his headship.

There is, however, another aspect to the wife’s role in a marriage. And, again, it is one that seems very out of step with our times. According to the Bible, the wife is also to play the role of homemaker. As evidence of this, Proverbs 31:10-31, a passage that offers a description of the ideal wife, clearly describes a homemaker. Similarly, in 1 Timothy 5:14, Paul says:

Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully. (N.K.J.V.)

Along the same lines, in Titus 2:4-5 he encourages older women to teach younger women:

…to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. (N.K.J.V.)

These passages aren’t hard to interpret or understand. To be fair, though, Proverbs 31:10-31 does allow some room for a wife to bring in an income. First, the passage speaks of the woman seeking wool and flax and working with a distaff and a spindle (v.13, v.19). Second, she makes linen garments and sashes and sells them to merchants (v.24). Third, from the money she earns as a seamstress, she purchases a field and plants a vineyard (v.16). You see, she does all of this in addition to being a homemaker.

Finally, Proverbs 31:23 offers us one other aspect of a wife’s role. It says:

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. (N.K.J.V.)

In Bible times, a city’s business was conducted at its gates. Therefore, to be “known in the gates” or to sit “among the elders” was to be a very prominent man in the city. The teaching is that a wife should build her husband up socially rather than wreck him. She should better his reputation, not hurt it. She should be willing to take a backseat career wise if it means helping him get ahead in his career.

Even as I write these words, I realize how foreign they must seem to the “modern woman.” But just remember this: Getting further down the road doesn’t help you if you are traveling the wrong road. The only right road is described in God’s word, and that word can be trusted to lead a wife into the kind of life that will make her the woman God created her to be.