Church Bulletin Humor

We don’t do church bulletins at Disciples Road Church, but I know all about them from my days of pastoring previous churches. There’s nothing wrong with using bulletins, but you’d better make sure they are done well. Otherwise, they can make your church look kind of stupid.

Today’s post offers a few examples from that category. I got these from an article that Bob Terrell ran in the December 17, 2000 edition of the Asheville Citizen Times. According to him, they were sent to him by Bea Pyle of Ormond Beach, Fla. See if you can spot the problem with each insert.

-Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church. Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. 

-Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday in the recreation hall. Come and watch us kill Christ the King.

-Miss Charlene Mason sang “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

-Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire. Bring your own hot dogs and guns.

-The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks On the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching For Jesus.”

-Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

-Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

-Don’t let worry kill you off. Let the Church help.

-At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

-Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

-Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

-The Lutheran men’s group will meet at 6 p.m.: steak, mashed potatoes, beans, bread, and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

-Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

-Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

-Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. Prayer and medication to follow.

-The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

-This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

-Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the BS is done.

-Low Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

-The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

-The associate minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

 

 

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