“Marriage” series: (post #2)

At the risk of sounding simplistic, a person should marry the one whom God wills. It’s crazy to think that if God’s plan for an individual’s life involves marriage, He wouldn’t have a spouse in mind for that individual. While it’s true that Adam didn’t have any other options but Eve, it’s also true that God “brought her” to him. As Genesis 2:22 says:

Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. (N.K.J.V.)

Adam’s lust didn’t bring Eve to him (i.e., “I was in the heat of passion for her.”). His loneliness didn’t bring her to him (i.e., “I was very lonely and she was there.”). His need didn’t bring her to him (i.e., “I needed someone and she was convenient.”). His circumstances didn’t bring her to him (i.e., “We were both living in the same area and just kind of came together.”). His parents didn’t bring her to him (i.e., “Mom and dad thought we’d make a nice couple.”). His friends didn’t bring her to him (i.e., “My friends hooked me up with her.”). No, it was God who brought Eve to him.   

It’s not that God can’t use loneliness, need, circumstances, parents, or friends to bring a man and woman together in His will. For that matter, He can even use lust in that way (1st Corinthians 7:8-9). The point is that regardless of the means God uses to bring the couple together, each spouse will be able to look at the other spouse and truthfully say, “I know that God brought you to me. I know you are the person He willed for me to marry.”

Now, with this in mind, let me point out that there are a couple of major Biblical guidelines as to who a person should marry. Guideline #1 is: No man should marry another man, and no woman should marry another woman. The relevant Old Testament passages on this topic (Genesis 2:21-25; Genesis 19:1-29; Leviticus 18:22; Leviticus 20:13) are crystal clear, and so are the New Testament passages (Matthew 19:1-6; Romans 1:18-32; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; 1 Timothy 1:8-10). As I once heard a preacher say, “If the Bible doesn’t teach that homosexuality is a sin, it doesn’t teach that anything is a sin.”

Guideline #2 is: A Christian should never marry someone who isn’t a Christian. The passage on this one is 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. Those verses call such a union an “unequal yoke.” A yoke is wooden bar or frame that sits across the shoulders of two draft animals and binds them together side by side for the purpose of work. Oxen are most typically the ideal animals to yoke together for working, hence the term “a yoke of oxen.”

But what if a farmer put an ox in one harness of the yoke and a horse in the other? In such a case, the yoke wouldn’t work properly because an ox and a horse are different. Their shoulders aren’t the same height. Their walks are different. Their mannerisms aren’t the same. All this would make for an unequal yoke.

Likewise, a Christian and a non-Christian are two completely different types of people. They don’t think alike. Their priorities aren’t the same. They don’t approach life in the same way. That’s why God says they shouldn’t get married.

Needless to say, who a person marries will go a long, long way in determining the quality of that person’s marriage. This is why it’s so important to marry in God’s will. Adam and Eve lived together for centuries as husband and wife and produced descendants that, to a large extent, served the Lord (Genesis 5:1-32). But how did it all start for them? It started with God bringing them together. That’s always the place to start with marriage, and it’s just sad that so many marriages start in other ways. While God can help any marriage become a good one, everything just goes a lot easier if the husband and wife were in His will for each other’s life right from the start.