Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, N.K.J.V.)
The union of a man and a woman in matrimony can be illustrated in various ways, but my favorite one involves two lumps of clay. Step 1: Take a lump of red clay in one hand. Step 2: Take a lump of white clay in the other. Step 3: Rub the two lumps together until they become one lump. Now, what does that new lump look like? Is it red? Well, there is some red in there, but it’s not completely red. Is it white? Again, there is some white in there, but it’s not completely white, either. The fact is, the new lump is a unique mixture of the red and the white. Welcome to marriage.
Tonya and I are very different. She goes to bed early, but I sit up late. She gets up early, but I sleep late. She could drink Pepsi every day for the rest of her existence on earth, but I’ve got to have some variety in my beverages. She’s not too big on leftovers, but I consider it a moral obligation to finish them. She gets quiet when she gets mad, but I get loud. She’s a math person, but I’m the language-arts type. She likes reality shows and home-improvement shows, but I like scary movies and old westerns. Her favorite meal is breakfast, but mine is dinner. Needless to say, we make for a strangely colored ball of clay.
The Bible teaches that the husband and wife become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6). The old joke is that they go on the honeymoon to decide which one they’ll become! Getting back to the ball of clay, though, they won’t become either one. They’ll become a brand new entity, one every bit as unique as any one individual.
And how will this play out in real-life situations? Being “one flesh” means that if I have a bad day, Tonya’s day is affected, too. If she gets sick, I get caught up in the wake of her sickness one way or another. If there is a social gathering with her family, I’m expected to be there. If my salary isn’t adequate, she has to suffer for it right along with me. When one feels pain, so does the other. When one feels happiness, so does the other. We’re a team. We’re in everything together. Being “one flesh” is the lock in wedlock.
You see, marriage is not about two people flying solo. I don’t mean that a husband can’t have his personal space or that a wife can’t have her individual interests. A husband and wife don’t have to do everything together or be around one another 24-7. But there must be that realization that the two are always, deep down at their core, one. Frankly, this is why divorce is so gut-wrenching. If you pull yourself away from someone with whom you’ve been “one flesh,” you will inevitably leave a certain part of yourself with that person. For that matter, a part of that person will remain with you.
And so, with all this in mind, let me encourage every married person who reads this post to take a few minutes right now to grasp the seriousness of you being “one flesh” with your spouse. Make yourself come to grips with the reality that the relationship you have with that person is wholly different from the relationship you have with anybody else (your father, your mother, your child, your brother, your sister, your friend, etc.). You simply aren’t “one” flesh with any of them. It’s only your spouse that gets to exclusively play that role in your life, and the sooner you understand that and start living in accordance with it, the better off you (and your spouse) will be.
The Disciple's Road 
I was over on YT watching shorts and trying to relax and have a few laughs as there are many funny animals or funny things kids say videos, and the next video came up. The title of the video, “Why Do Atheists Get Married?” Of course my curiosity was triggered. Candace Owen decided she wanted to give her opinion that marriage should me mute for atheists as it is a “religious” thing. And since they don’t believe in God, then why do they get married? This view makes me angry, so curiosity killed the cat?; as marriage is sacred to me, no matter who has done it. And when someone, Christian or non, has sex outside of marriage, The Bible says it brings a next level sin into their lives.
I thought maybe I would do a blog on it and came over here. But I checked my inbox first and found your post. So, I guess I just wanted to vent maybe. Not asking you to get involved and give your opinion, you obviously can if you want, but now I am dealing with exasperation, I guess.
My husband has complained that I treat him differently than anyone else. Which is true as he is the only one that holds a certain place in my life, as your post says. I was not prepared for that. Before we got married and we were friends, I didn’t really care what his opinion was or about some of the things he said. He was entitled to his opinion or could say whatever he wanted. We were just friends and it didn’t reflect that much on me. But after we got married, I realized I do care what he says or does or doesn’t do very much. And that has bothered me our whole marriage.
What others say or think or do or don’t do doesn’t really bother me when the rubber meets the roads. Each person is their own person and has their own relationship with Christ and others. So, I usually can let things go when I get myself to see others in that light.
My husband on the other hand, he’s thee only person I want acceptance and true comradery with. At least in theory. He’s not the person I thought I was marrying, and I have come to be not the person he thought he was marrying. We are one and yet so far away from each other. I just want that one person to pal around with, really. I wouldn’t call us kindred spirits or soulmates, but we are one. So I live with whatever that means. Opposites attract? Are we opposites? We have so many similarities. We have plenty of things we can say, “Well you do that too.” about. I try very hard not to play that game.
Rick Warren tweeted one time – “People often get married for selfish reasons, but it takes unselfish reasons to stay married.”
I’m sticking it out because I value marriage, our vows, the paper I signed, our Lord Jesus Christ who invented marriage and said not to separate what He put to together, so much. I’ve always enjoyed be able to say I’m married. It is a perceived accomplishment and accolade of merit. Though if you are single you shouldn’t feel ashamed.
It is part of the American Dream – along with the kids, house and car. Twenty-eight years and I feel accomplished, and especially because its been so hard, at least for me. Many marriages have suffered much, much worse, so I am grateful for that. Well, I guess I had better end this. I did start this comment over a couple hours ago, and after a good amount of interruptions….its 2:00 am and I need to get to bed. Thanks Russell for your time. Does your wife do any blogging?
No, Tonya doesn’t blog. Like I said in the post, she’s the math teacher. She taught middle-school math for 31 years.