Russell Mckinney's Blog

Straight Talk About God and Life

The Importance Of Individuality In A Child

(Post 2 of a series of 4)

This will be the second post in my series on parenting. With this one, I want to talk about the importance of a child’s individuality. For my text, I’ll use Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Hebrew scholars tell us that a precise translation of the Hebrew of this verse would read something like: “Train up a child according to his way: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This explains why the Amplified Bible, which is a translation that adds in extra words to help clarify the exact meaning of Bible’s original Hebrew and Greek, renders the verse as follows: “Train up a child in the way he should go (and in keeping with his individual gift or bent), and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Why am I going to the trouble to dig deep into the original Hebrew of Proverbs 22:6? I’m doing it because an improper understanding of what this verse actually says has led many to an improper application of it. Have you ever heard this verse quoted as a promise that a child who was raised in a Christian home will always eventually return to that upbringing, even though that child’s life has downgraded into sin and worldliness? I have heard the verse preached that way many times.

The problem with that attempted interpretation is that it doesn’t hold up to the test of real-life experience. Saying it plainly, some children who were trained up to know the Lord and live for Him do depart from that training when they get older and never return to it. How many times have you heard someone say of a wayward child who is living in rank sin, “Well, he wasn’t raised that way”?

Parent, your job is to let your child run with the talents, abilities, and interests that God has built into that child. You don’t have the right to push some destiny or course of life onto your child. Your responsibility is to find out what your child’s weak points and strong points are and help that child get on a road in life that will lead to fulfillment, happiness, and contentment.

Having said that, let me name the main problem that parents have in this area: living vicariously through their children. The interesting thing is that this vicarious living can play out in one of two ways. I’ll give you examples of both.

First, some parents try to recreate their lives through their children. Let’s say that a father was always a great athlete. Playing ball came easily and naturally to him. So what does this father do? He tries to recreate his days as an athlete by pushing athletics onto his son. But let’s say that his son isn’t gifted in athletics and doesn’t enjoy sports. The boy would rather read a book than go outside and play ball. His father won’t let the child be himself, though. The father is too caught up in recreating his glory days through his son.

Second, some parents try to go back and change their lives by living vicariously through their children. This way ends up at the same problem, but it gets there by means of a totally opposite motivation. Let’s say that a father wasn’t the great athlete he always longed to be. So what does he do? He tries to go back and change his life by pushing athletics onto his son. He looks at his son and says, “I’m going to make you the ballplayer that I never was.” It doesn’t matter that his son doesn’t have the nature or the ability of a ballplayer. That father makes his son play ball as a means of doing the ball-playing he himself missed out on.

Of course, athletics is just one area where these two kinds of vicarious living show up. Here are some other illustrations involving other areas. I hope none of these describes you.

Let’s imagine a mother who is obsessed with turning her daughter into a beauty queen. Maybe this mother was herself a beauty queen or maybe she was the total opposite of a beauty queen, but whatever her motivation is she wants her daughter to be a beauty queen. So what does she do? She pushes that girl into beauty pageants, won’t let the girl eat like she wants to eat, makes her take singing lessons, dancing lessons, etc. You see, it’s all about that mother trying to either recreate her life or go back and change her life through her child.

Let’s imagine a man who is a skilled surgeon. This man says, “My son is going to grow up and follow in my footsteps. I’ll send him to the best college and the best medical school.” The only problem is that the little boy is a born mechanic. The father buys him one of those Operation games, but rather than taking the tweezers and practicing at surgery, the little boy takes the game apart just to see how it works. What should that father do with such a child? He should steer that child towards technical school, not medical school.

Let’s imagine the most practical, all-business, common-sense mother who ever lived. This mother tries to stamp her personality onto her daughter. The problem is that the daughter is not like her mother. The daughter is into the arts, things like poetry, music, and painting. So what should this down-home mother do? She should build responsibility and godliness into her daughter and then encourage her to let her creativity flow.

On and on I could go with the examples, but hopefully by now you are catching what I’m throwing. God doesn’t use a cookie-cutter to create children. He doesn’t use a “one size fits all” pattern. Each child comes uniquely designed and gifted, and it is the parent’s job to help that child build a life around what that child is gifted to do.

You say, “But Russell, how do I know what my child’s natural tendencies and abilities are?” The answer is, you spend time with that child, watch that child, listen to that child, and study that child. Also, you let the child try different things.

One of the best ways to find out whether or not your child has a musical ability and tendency is to sign that child up for music lessons. I took guitar lessons for a while, and my mom and dad really encouraged me about my guitar-playing. They bought me two nice guitars and every Saturday morning I went to a music teacher’s house and took lessons from her. I learned my chords and my notes, and I actually got to where I could play a few songs. Some of my friends and I even formed a group. We won our local 4-H talent show, played a few local events, and played in the regional 4-H talent show.

If some boys had that kind of musical encouragement and experience they would make a life-path out of music. But I didn’t do that. Do you know why? It was because I didn’t have either a real desire or a real gift for music. Oh, I could memorize the hand placements for chords and notes on a guitar. I wasn’t born for music, though. That’s why I didn’t stay with it. I guess the fact that I absolutely despised practicing was an early tip-off!

But what I’m saying is that I didn’t realize that I wasn’t born for music until I actually gave it a try. So, parent, don’t get so upset with your child when the child tries something but doesn’t stay with it. Just see that as a lesson learned in what your child isn’t meant to do.

I’m not a hunter. I don’t think hunting is morally wrong; it’s just not something I like to do. I can still remember, though, the one day when I tried to be a hunter. My dad used to do some hunting, and one day he took me bird hunting with him. We went up in the woods just above our house.

I was glad that my dad included me, and hunting is a wonderful way for fathers and sons to bond, but I didn’t enjoy walking through the woods, holding a gun, and looking for a bird to shoot. I was much happier being in the house watching t.v. Still, I classify that day I went hunting as a good memory.

So, parent, let me encourage you to study your child, learn what the child’s strengths and weaknesses are, and help the child to run with its strengths. The world needs brain-surgeons, but it also needs school-bus drivers to get the future brain surgeons to and from grade school. The world needs corporate CEOs, but it also needs bricklayers to build the office buildings in which corporate CEOS work. The world needs writers, but it also needs garbage collectors to haul off all of the discarded paper writers toss into trash cans.

Each child is unique and special, and it is a parent’s job to do all that he or she can to guide their child into the place in life that God has in mind for that child. Yes, that will take some effort, no doubt about it. It will all be worth it, though, when the child ends up happy, contented, and playing the role God built him to play.

January 26, 2010 Posted by russellmckinney | Children, Fatherhood, Individuality, Parenting, Sports, Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a Comment

Royce’s Birthday

Yesterday was my youngest’s birthday. Royce was born on December 21st, 2000, which makes him nine years old now. December 21st is the winter solstice, that day that fascinated superstitious cultures enough to build entire winter festivals around it. On December 21st, 2012 Royce will be twelve years old. That’s how old Jesus was when Joseph and Mary found him in Jerusalem’s temple sitting in the midst of Judaism’s most brilliant minds, listening to them and asking them questions (Luke 2:41-50). December 21st, 2012 is also the day the ancient Mayan calendar stops. I’m sure all these facts link together somehow in regards to Royce. I’m just not sure how.

Royce is the son I never expected to have. All along “he” was supposed to be “she.” Isn’t “Rachel” a beautiful name for a girl? But the first time I saw my second child on ultrasound it was very obvious that the name “Rachel” wouldn’t apply. To be honest, I’m still recovering from that initial curveball that Royce threw me. Even after nine years of living with him, studying him, and trying to figure him out, I still find myself frequently asking the question, “Why did he do that?” Tonya says he had to be my polar opposite because my oldest, Ryan, got every last gene and chromosome that I had to give. Since Ryan is my clone, I can’t argue with that logic.

Yesterday was a case in point of how differently Royce and I think. For his birthday, I wanted to load up the four of us and drive an hour to a place called Fun Depot. Maybe you’ve seen these kind of places. It’s a warehouse-type facility that offers video games, skeetball, putt-putt, laser tag, batting cages, and jungle gyms. A kid can lose a whole day there just running around like a wild man. I thought, “Royce will love this idea.”     

From the onset, though, Tonya had her doubts about that being the best gift we could give him. He’d been talking about how much he’d like to have a friend over for his birthday. So, we called him into the living room and laid out the two options. After explaining that taking a friend with him to Fun Depot wasn’t on the list, he chose to have a friend come to the house and spend the day.

The whole experience served as a reminder to me that our classes in parenting are never out. Even as we teach our kids, they teach us. They teach us that we can’t predict their every move. They teach us that each child is unique and must be allowed to grow and blossom in his or her own way. They teach us that our preferences are not necessarily their preferences. They teach us that we should stay on our knees in prayer, asking God for guidance as to how to raise them rightly.  

Royce had a good 9th birthday. I’m sure he will remember it. I went and picked up his little friend and brought him to the house. I followed that up by going to the grocery store and buying one of those cookie-cakes that Royce loves so much. Then I went to MacDonalds and brought back some grub. Royce dove into the french fries, opened his presents with glee, blew out the candles on the cookie-cake, and had a blast playing with his buddy for a few hours.

Late last night, just before Royce went to bed, Tonya asked him to name his favorite part of his birthday. He immediately chose having his friend over. That verified one more time to me that we’d carried out the right birthday plan. I don’t know if we’ll ever make it to Fun Depot, but I do know that we did exactly what we were supposed to do yesterday. After all, a kid only gets one 9th birthday in life, and you ought to let him spend it the way he wants to spend it.

December 22, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Children, Fatherhood, Parenting, Personal | , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

Lessons Learned From The Tiger Woods Story

Things are getting kind of bizarre in the story of Tiger Woods, the world’s top-ranked golfer. News broke early Tuesday that an ambulance had been dispatched to his Florida mansion sometime around 2:30 a.m. in response to a 911 call. The ambulance picked up Barbro Holmberg, Woods’ mother-in-law. She was rushed to a local hospital and listed as an “advanced life support” patient. Such a listing simply means that paramedics went beyond basic CPR methods in helping her. She was admitted for “stomach pain,” evidently responded well to treatment, and was released Tuesday afternoon to return to Woods’ home. 

This was just the latest chapter in a sad series of events that have played out over the past couple of weeks. The timeline runs like this:

-At 2:25 a.m. of November 27th, Woods crashes his vehicle into a fire hydrant and his neighbor’s tree. He is taken to a local hospital and treated for minor facial lacerations. He is quickly released and returns home. (Woods refuses to talk to Florida State Troopers for the next three days, and is finally cited for careless driving and fined $164.) 

-Shortly after the accident, the tabloids and internet become abuzz with rumors of Woods’ marital infidelity. (As of now, it’s impossible to sort out fact from lies, but the current number of alleged mistresses stands anywhere from seven to ten.) 

-On November 29th, Woods releases a statement on his website in which he says the accident was his fault and asks for privacy while his family works through a difficult time.

-On November 30th, it is announced that Woods will not be participating in his next scheduled golf tournament. The given reason for his withdrawal is injuries from the accident.

-On December 2nd, Woods releases a new statement in which he says, “I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart.”

-A few days later, several media outlets begin reporting that Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, has moved out of the house. (I haven’t heard whether or not she took the couple’s two-year old daughter and infant son with her.) 

-Then comes Tuesday’s story about the mother-in-law being rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night.

As for Woods, he still hasn’t been seen publicly since his accident. Whatever the exact details of everything are, it now seems fairly obvious that it’s a sad situation. The entire family needs our prayers. I have been praying for them, and I hope you will as well.

With that said, I’d like to offer some Biblical lessons here. I don’t do this to kick Tiger Woods while he is down. As I said, I’m praying sincere prayers for him and his family. I offer these merely as a way to view the story through the lens of God’s written word.

Lesson #1: A son needs his daddy. Tiger’s father, Earl, died on May 3rd, 2006. He was a military man who stood for honesty, integrity, and responsibility. Up until his death, he was the driving influence in Tiger’s life. He was the one who molded young Tiger into a golf prodigy. Later on he wrote two books about his no-nonsense parenting style. Tiger has often mentioned how much he misses his dad. In 1st Thessalonians 2:11, the Bible teaches that a father should exhort, comfort, and charge his children. Proverbs 1:8 speaks of a father instructing his son. Would Tiger be in the mess he’s in now if his dad was still alive? No one can say for sure, but many would answer, “No.”

Lesson #2: Every husband must work at remaining sexually satisfied with his wife. Affairs typically occur when husbands aren’t sexually satisfied with their wives alone. The lust for more sex or “different” sex is a powerful, primal thing. That’s why Proverbs 5:18-19 warns: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.”

Lesson #3: The sin of adultery is a fire that burns the one who commits it. Proverbs 6:27-28 says: “Can a man take fire to his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be seared?” 1st Corinthians 6:18 says: “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.”

Lesson #4: No matter how much success, fame, and wealth a man has, his world can still come tumbling down if he doesn’t practice self-control. Proverbs 25:28 says: “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.” A city without walls is wide open to be attacked and destroyed. So is a life lived without self-control.

Lesson #5: If you want to fall, be full of pride. Tiger Woods is well known for being supremely confident in his abilities, even to the point of being egotistical. Proverbs 16:18 says: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Surely one of Woods’ motivations for committing adultery was that his ego told him he could get away with it.

Lesson #6: All the self-will one can muster will eventually lose out to the power of the flesh (that inborn sinful nature of individuals). Woods’ strong will on the golf course is a major part of what makes him so good. But no man is so strong-willed that he can keep his inner nature of sin at bay for long. In Romans 7:18-19, the apostle Paul writes: “For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.”

Lesson #7: Your sins WILL eventually be discovered. Numbers 32:23 says: “…be sure your sin will find you out.” Isaiah 29:15 says: “Woe to those who seek deep to hide their counsel far from the Lord, and their works are in the dark. They say, ‘Who sees us?” and ’Who knows us?’”    

Lesson #8: Wealth doesn’t equate to contentment. Even though Woods has earned multiplied millions through his golfing and endorsements, there was obviously still something that prevented him from being content with his family life. 1st Timothy 6:6-8 says: “Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.”

Lesson #9: When you raise a child to worship the idol of sports, you shouldn’t be surprised when that child grows up to be lacking in morality and character. As I mentioned earlier, Earl Woods was an uncommonly influential father. No one can deny that he raised a champion golfer. But all those championships came at a high price. As far back as Tiger can remember, Earl led him to obsess over the sport of golf and devote himself fanactically to mastering it. Earl never taught Tiger how to keep golf in proper perspective and allow his spiritual side to develop. That inevitably caused some chinks in Tiger’s character and morality. In Matthew 16:26, Jesus asks the profound question, “For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?”  

Lesson #10: Buddhism simply cannot offer the help people need. By Woods’ own admission, he is something of a nominal Buddhist through his mother, who is from Thailand. He especially values the Buddhist practice of meditation. In a March, 2008 interview with Reuters, Woods said of Buddhism, “In the Buddhist religion, you have to work for it yourself internally in order to achieve anything in life…and in Buddhism to set up the next life. But in Buddhism it’s all about what you do and internal work.” Sadly, this religion and philosophy fly right in the face of Christ’s words from John 14:6: “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” They also go against Ephesians 2:8-9: “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God., not of works, lest anyone should boast.”

So, let me close by saying that Tiger Woods is just like anybody else on planet Earth in that he needs to place his faith (belief) in Jesus as his personal Savior. That will bring him forgiveness of sin (Colossians 1:14), spiritual life (John 5:40), salvation (Acts 16:30-31), and the empowerment to resist temptation and sin (Philippians 4:13). Certainly Tiger’s life has taken a tragic turn for the worse, but if that turn leads him to the open arms of Jesus, the best will be yet to come for him. That’s my prayer, for not only Tiger but his entire family.

December 9, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Adversity, Belief, Character, Choices, Desires, Fatherhood, Forgiveness, Husbands, Marriage, Money, Parenting, Priorities, Seeking Forgiveness, Sex, Sin, Sports, Temptation, adultery, contentment, faith | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Good Thought For Thanksgiving

I preached a Thanksgiving sermon this morning. Then Tonya hit the Mcdonalds drive-thru tonight and picked up some supper. Let me combine those two events of my day and give you a good thought, Christian.

Let’s say that a father takes his child to Mcdonalds for french-fries. Once they have their order and are seated at a table, the father tests the child by asking, “Do you love me more than you love these french-fries?” The child has to think for a moment but finally answers, “Yes.” Do you know why that was the right choice? It’s because it’s better to love the source of the blessing rather than the blessing itself. 

You see, if that father had much money in his wallet, he could buy fries for all the people in the restaurant. The fact that he bought fries especially for his child showed that he loved that child and wanted to have an intimate time of fellowship with that child. The point is, the real gift was the father, not the fries. The fries were merely a byproduct of the far more important thing: the unique relationship with the father.      

I have two wonderful boys, and I enjoy filling their lives with pleasing things such as food, clothing, comfortable beds, balls, bats, gloves, toys, televisions, and Playstation systems. But they should appreciate me more than the stuff that I give them. New stuff gets manufactured and purchased every day, but there is only one me. Ryan and Royce don’t have another earthly father. I’m it. That makes me infinitely more important than anything I can buy them.

As we enter into this Thanksgiving week, I’ll ask you to do something: Spend some time thanking God for His person. Don’t just be thankful for the blessings He has bestowed upon you, blessings such as family, friends, health, peace of mind, home, money, and possessions. That’s just the child thanking the father for the french-fries. Be sure to thank God even more for simply being who He is.        

Christian, if all you can do is thank God for the blessings that He sends your way, what will you do if those blessings get taken away? That happened to Job. Chapters 1 and 2 of his book describe how he lost his wealth, his children, and his health. But over the course of the rest of the book, Job learns to thank God merely for being who He is. Could you or I offer up any thanks if we lost all the blessings that Job lost? That’s a good question to ponder over the next few days. Hopefully, by Thursday, the thanks we offer up to God will be more mature and insightful than any we’ve ever offered up before on Thanksgiving.

November 22, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Fatherhood, God's Love, God's Provision, Parenting, Priorities, Thankfulness, Thanksgiving, trials | , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

Idolatry In Early Bloom (a word about youth sports)

When you are the father of an athletic twelve-year old and eight-year old, you know more than you want to know about gyms, football fields, baseball diamonds, and soccer fields. You know how time consuming those places are. You know how much gas it takes to get to them. You know how much it costs for your kid to not only be there but be wearing the cool garb all the other kids are wearing. You’re life is not your own. You lost it all over again when they handed you the latest schedule. Of course, it’s been so long since you had it, you barely remember those days anyway.

A Christian with any degree of spiritual discernment can understand that sports has reached the status of idolatry in this country. But what many don’t understand is just how far down into the age brackets the idolatry has worked itself. A World Series in which the President throws out the first pitch and each player on the field is a millionaire is just the tip of the iceberg. A Super Bowl that offers Bruce Springsteen as halftime entertainment doesn’t paint the full picture. Neither does a Final Four where hundreds of fans have spent a couple weeks worth of paychecks just to sit in the nosebleed section of a dome and watch the games on a big screen. The fact is, the idolatry is in early bloom all the way down into the youth leagues.

The same parent who doesn’t mind calling in sick to work over a mere sniffle turns into Indiana Jones to get a kid to a game early Saturday morning. “Here’s the assignment, Dr. Jones, should you choose to accept it: Drag your child out of bed over protest (no bullwhip, please), get a uniform on the deadhead, grab a few Pop Tarts (the real breakfast of champions) on your way out the door, climb into the family truckster, exceed the speed limit, commit at least two cases of road rage, get to the site one minute after you were supposed to be there, watch the game and see your kid not do what he has been coached to do, drive back home as you fuss at the kid for not doing what he has been coached to do, and then spend the rest of your Saturday collapsed around the house trying to recover from the assignment.” Any takers? The hands of parents go up all over the countryside.

You say you are up for a sequel? Fine, let’s toss around a few more ideas. We could have Indy be forced to hunt down and buy a new, expensive football helmet because the one they gave his kid for standard issue looks like something Dick Butkus turned in at the end of the 1967 Chicago Bears season. Or we could have the coach of Indy’s kid suggest that Indy buy a lighter bat for the kid because the team has only three bats and none of them is light enough. And then, after Indy has shelled out $250 for the new bat, we’ll have three or four other kids on the team want to use it. Now we’re talking! And Indy will have to teach his child the lesson of sharing with those who haven’t contributed one dime to the cause. Oh, baby, I smell Oscar!

If I sound like I have an intimate knowledge of youth league sports, it’s because, for years now, I’ve moved through my calendar year by rotating from one youth sport to the next. In the spring and summer, it’s been baseball. In the fall, it’s been soccer and football. In the winter, it’s been basketball. I’ve been a head coach and an assistant coach. I’ve been a parent and a fan. I’ve been involved with everything from recreation league teams that didn’t win a game to “travel” teams made up exclusively of all-stars. And what has all of my experience taught me? I point you back to my earlier assertion: Youth sports is oftentimes nothing less than idolatry in early bloom.

I really don’t know what else to call it. One of the definitions that Webster’s Dictionary gives for “idol” is: “Any object of passionate devotion.” One of the definitions it gives for “idolatry” is: “Excessive love or veneration for any person or object.” An idol doesn’t have to be a graven image standing in your backyard. It doesn’t have to be a golden statue in the midst of an elaborate temple. An idol can be anything upon which you pour an inordinate amount of time, energy, money, and zeal.

Show me a father who won’t put a dime in the church offering plate but will gladly pay $175 for his kid to have that hot new pair of Nike basketball shoes, and I’ll show you an idol worshipping father. Show me a mother who won’t volunteer to do anything at church but thinks nothing of working the concession stand at the ball field or baking cookies for the fundraiser for her child’s soccer team, and I’ll show you an idol worshipping mother. Even if the father or mother is a Christian, it’s hard to deny that their purest worship goes to youth sports, not Jesus.

Just as some churches have “children’s church” or “wee worship” to train their children how to worship in the sanctuary with the adults, our society does the same kind of thing with the worship of sports. We use youth leagues to get our children ready to worship at the larger athletic stages. When a child never sees a parent praying, but often sees the parent arguing umpires’ calls, the child gets the message: Arguing umpires’ calls is important; prayer isn’t. When a child never sees a parent reading the Bible, but the parent knows the league rulebook from A to Z, the child gets the message: Knowing the rulebook is important; knowing the Bible isn’t. Kids aren’t stupid, and they pay more attention than we realize. It doesn’t take them long to figure out where our priorities lie. Once they’ve done this, all they have to do is embrace those same priorities and grow up. That’s how you build adults who worship sports more than Christ.

So, what should you, as the Christian parent of a child involved in youth sports, do about this problem? Let me suggest three things. Bear in mind that I don’t pretend this is an all-inclusive list. I offer it merely as an attempt to help you put on your thinking cap.

First, do an honest-to-goodness self-evaluation. Be real as to how big the problem is in your life. I know some Christian parents who genuinely have youth sports in a right perspective and balance. On the other hand, I know others who are way out of the banks on this issue. Where are you? Compare what you do for youth sports to what you do for your Savior. As the old saying goes, the first step is admitting you have a problem. If you have one, admit it.

Second, sit down with your child and ask questions you never ask. “Do you still enjoy playing this sport?” “Are you playing because you want to play or because you think I want you to play?” “Do you dread going to practice or the games?” “Has playing this sport made you more confident or less confident?” You might be surprised at the answers you get. Never take away a sport your child enjoys playing, but don’t make the child keep playing if the experience has turned painfully sour. It’s true that kids sometimes need to be pushed, particularly kids who are naturally lazy. But it’s also true that some parents keep their kids playing because to let them quit would be embarrassing to the parents, not the kids.

Third, get your worship back into proper alignment by rededicating yourself to Christ. This will knock youth sports off the throne of your life and give Jesus back His rightful place. If you will make this one big decision, it will take care of so many little decisions. Does Jesus want you to make a fool of yourself by arguing with an umpire? No. Does He want you to pull your child away from church Sunday after Sunday because your travel team plays in weekend tournaments that keep you constantly on the road and out of town? No. Does He want you to make your child keep playing a sport simply because if the child doesn’t keep at it he will never make the high school team? No. You see, once you have rededicated yourself to Jesus, that familiar question, “What would Jesus do?” takes on a whole new importance. If Jesus wouldn’t do something, you shouldn’t do it.

Perhaps by now you’re thinking that I’ve been reading either your mind or your mail. I haven’t. It’s just that, as I said, I know this subject very well. And, despite the conclusion you may have already drawn about me, I do know that sports doesn’t automatically equate to idolatry. Sports is fine when kept within acceptable parameters. It can even be a great thing. It promotes exercise, teaches teamwork, and rewards extra effort. It’s only when sports gets taken to the point of fanaticism, craze, and downright absurdity that it becomes idolatry. In that case, it has no place in the life of the Christian.

In the end, I certainly don’t expect our society to repent of its ways. I’ll bank on seeing a stadium full of people, on a Sunday at 1:00 p.m., in frigid weather, cheering wildly at a Pittsburgh Steelers or Green Bay Packers game this season. Those folks won’t all have just come from Sunday morning services either. We Christians, however, must reserve our worship for Jesus. More than that, we must show our kids just how devoted we are to Him. If that involves adjusting our mindset, so be it. If it involves missing a game, so be it. If it involves the extreme of quitting a sport, so be it. We must do whatever is necessary to bring every area our lives, including the area of youth sports, under the lordship of Christ. This won’t just help our kids; it will help us. And, after all, aren’t we the ones who are supposed to be molding and shaping them?

September 11, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Children, Church attendance, Fatherhood, God's Will, Parenting, Priorities, Sports | , , , , , | Leave a Comment

Easy Eddie’s Example To Fathers

Back in the days when Al Capone ran the city of Chicago, his lawyer was a man nicknamed “Easy Eddie.” Despite the fact that Capone’s empire was built around bootleg booze, prostitution, and murder, Easy Eddie’s legal skill always kept his boss out of jail. To show his appreciation, Capone made sure that Easy Eddie was well compensated. Eddie had plenty of money, a fenced-in mansion, house servants, and all the conveniences of the day. His estate was so large that it filled an entire city block of Chicago. Eddie had it made, and he didn’t worry himself about the incredible damage he was doing by keeping Capone out of jail.

But Eddie had one soft spot: his son. How he loved that boy! He saw to it that the kid had the best of everything. To his credit, he even tried to teach him the difference between right and wrong. He wanted the boy to rise above the sordid life of the Chicago mob and be a better man than he was.

After a while, though, Eddie began to see how hypocritical his actions were. How could a son stay away from gangsters when his father was so thick with them? How could a son not be enamored with the mob’s wealth when the “good life” his father lived came from that wealth? Eddie realized that the “do as I say and not as I do” line wouldn’t work. So, he decided to change his ways and do something that would allow him to pass a good example and a good name down to his son. That something was going to the authorities and volunteering to testify against ”Big Al” and the mob. Eddie knew the danger involved with such a move, but he testified anyway.

And what happened to Easy Eddie? Within a year, his life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago street. This determined father paid the ultimate price just so he could leave his son with two things all the money in the world couldn’t buy: a good example and a good name.

But wait, the story doesn’t end there. Eddie’s son, Butch, grew up to be a fighter pilot in World War II. He was assigned to an aircraft carrier in the South Pacific. One day his entire squadron was sent out on a mission. Butch hadn’t been in the air too long when he realized that the fuel tank on his airplane hadn’t been refueled. He radioed to his squadron leader and was told to return to the carrier.

On his way back to the ship, Butch saw something that turned his blood cold. A squadron of Japanese Zero planes were speeding their way toward the American fleet. With the American fighters being on mission, the fleet was all but defenseless. Butch knew that he had to do something, but the situation was desperate. He couldn’t reach his squadron and bring them back to defend the fleet, and his radio was such that he couldn’t even use it to warn the fleet about the approaching Zeros.

Finally, Butch decided upon a radical course of action. He would try to divert the squadron of Zeros from the fleet by laying aside all thoughts of personal safety and diving straight into the formation. He went in with guns firing and managed to get the Japanese squadron to break formation. Then he wove in and out of the broken formation, firing at as many planes as he could.

When all his ammunition was gone, he began diving at the Zeros, hoping to at least clip off a plane’s wing or tail and render it unable to fly. He wanted to do whatever he could to keep those planes from reaching the American fleet. His efforts proved successful, too, when the disjointed Japanese squadron finally took off in another direction.

Butch then flew his tattered fighter back to the carrier and reported what had happened. If anyone doubted the truth of his story, that changed when they saw the film from the camera that had been mounted on his plane. In the end, Butch was given one of the nation’s highest military honors. Oh, and by the way, maybe you’ve heard of the airport that was ultimately named after him. That would be Chicago’s famed O’Hare airport. Yes, that airport is named after Butch O’Hare, the son of Easy Eddie O’Hare.

Now tell me, father, do you really believe that the way you live your life won’t have any bearing upon how your child turns out? You aren’t that delusional, are you? Of course it will! That old saying is an old saying for a reason: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Easy Eddie O’Hare had the good sense to examine his rotten tree and realize that it would produce a rotten apple. Then he did that which was necessary to fix his tree. It wasn’t easy, but he did it. May the same be said of all us fathers this Father’s day. As the Bible says, “A good name is better than precious ointment (Ecclesiastes 7:1) and “is to be chosen rather than great riches” (Proverbs 22:1).

June 20, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Children, Doing Good, Fatherhood, Influence, Parenting, Personal Holiness, Priorities | | Leave a Comment

A Path That Won’t Lead You Back

In moonshine country, a revenuer once asked a boy, “Son, will that path take me to your daddy’s still?” The boy answered, “Yes, but it won’t bring you back.” Life has some paths like that. They will take you to a dangerous place and they won’t bring you back.

When God rejected Cain’s bloodless sacrifice, He knew that Cain was standing at the head of such a path. That’s why He said to him, “If you do well, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it” (Genesis 4:1-7). God was telling Cain that he was at a critical juncture. Cain’s next move would set the course for what remained of his life. Sadly, Cain chose badly and in a jealous rage killed his brother Abel (Genesis 4:8).

Cain then spent his remaining years as a vagabond (Genesis 4:12). Even though he was a skilled farmer, the earth stopped producing harvests for him (Genesis 4:11-12). He married, fathered a son, and built a city (Genesis 4:16-17), but through it all he never got back into relationship or fellowship with God. He had gone down a path that wouldn’t bring him back.   

The people of Israel anxiously awaited the report of the twelve spies they had sent to scout Canaan. The spies came back with tales of a lavishly abundant land that ”flowed with milk and honey.” For proof they displayed pomegranates, figs, and a massive cluster of grapes (Numbers 13:1-27).

The people were all ready to go and claim the land as their’s, but the enthusiasm died when the spies started talking about Canaan’s strong people, fortified cities, and race of giants (Numbers 13:28-33). At that point the people cried, “If only we had died in Egypt or the wilderness.” Even when Caleb and Joshua, two men of great faith, tried to rouse them to go claim Canaan, they set themselves to stoning the two (Numbers 14:1-10) .

But God interrupted the stoning proceedings and rendered His verdict of the situation to Moses. For the next forty years the people of Israel would wander in the wilderness. Over the course of those years every Israelite twenty years old or older would die. The only two exceptions would be Caleb and Joshua. When it was all said and done, God would give Canaan to Israel’s younger generation (Numbers 14:11-38). What happened there? Those Israelites went down a path that wouldn’t bring them back.

In his letter to the Romans, the apostle Paul talked about history’s first idolaters. Creation itself gave these people ample evidence that there is a God that should be worshipped (Romans 1:20). But these people took their knowledge of God and corrupted it. They changed the glory of God into inglorious idols of birds, animals, and creeping things (Romans 1:21-23).

God responded to these people by “giving them up” (turning them over) to uncleanness. He let them run wild with their lusts and sexually dishonor their bodies in ways that went against nature. This was the origin of homosexuality and lesbianism (Romans 1:24-27). He also gave them up to debased minds, minds that constantly planned and schemed to commit all kinds of ungodly deeds (Romans 1:28-32).

You see, those first idolaters didn’t realize they were starting down a path that wouldn’t lead them back. Instead of forcing them to return to their knowledge and worship of Him, God would take His hands off them and watch as they plunged deeper and deeper into the dark depths of sin. What started with a rejection of Him and an embracing of idols would conclude with things such as perverse sexuality, murder, strife, deceit, disobedience to parents, a lack of discernment, an unforgiving nature, etc. 

When God gives up on you, you are in a bad way even if you don’t realize it. You might live for years, even decades, after the giving up, but you won’t ever make any changes for the better. To the contrary, your heart will grow increasingly harder toward the things of God and you will become more “hardcore” with your sins.

And let me be clear about something: Christians can also go down paths that won’t lead them back. Consider something the apostle John said:  ”If anyone sees his brother sinning a sin in which does not lead to death, he will ask (pray), and He (God) will give him life for those who commit sin not leading to death. There is sin leading to death, I do not say that he should pray about that“ (1 John 5:16-17).

What is the sin that leads to death in the life of the Christian? It is the climax of a life marked by backsliding and refusing to repent. It is the crowning achievement of days, weeks, months, years, or decades of playing the rebellious child, never fully coming under the lordship of Christ, and living as you please. It is that moment when your heavenly Father looks down from heaven and says, “You are eternally My child and I love you, but you are never going to change as long as you are on the earth and I’m tired of watching you bring shame to the family name.” The sin that leads to death is the final period on the earthly life of a Christian who pushes God too far. Some of the Christians of Corinth committed it (1 Corinthians 11:17-30). Ananias and Sapphira did too (Acts 5:1-11).

I’m not writing this post to help the people who are already walking paths that won’t lead them back. Frankly, they’re passed the point where they can be helped. I’m writing this to the one who is currently standing at the entrance to such a path. You are Cain before he killed Abel. You are those Israelite adults before they tried to stone Caleb and Joshua. You are those first idolaters before they made that initial idol. If you are a Christian, you haven’t started your march toward a premature death just yet. I’m saying to you, “Don’t go down that path you are considering. Change your direction while there is still time. Submit yourself fully to the Lord while there is hope for you.”   

Don’t label me as overly dramatic or prone to exaggeration when I say that this could be your last chance to shun that fatal path. Perhaps you are currently closer than you will ever be to choosing a wise course for the rest of your life. God is reaching out to you right now and saying, “Come on, you’re almost there. Just make yourself do what you know I want you to do.” The question is, Will you do it? 

  

June 9, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Choices, Disobedience, Fatherhood, Homosexuality, Lesbianism, Rebellion, Sin, Temptation, obedience | , , , , , | Leave a Comment

My Runaway Child

Last night Tonya had to chaperon a school-dance for a couple of hours. That left me at home with the boys. Everything was going fine until Royce, my eight year old, decided that he wanted to go outside and practice his baseball swing. There he stood, holding his plastic ball and bat, while I told him that it was getting too dark to go outside. He didn’t like my verdict, but he seemed to take it in stride.

Not long afterwards, I heard some kind of crash down in our basement. I didn’t think too much about it because I knew that Royce had gone down there after I had told him he couldn’t go outside. I also knew that he has an average of three or four “crashes” every day. If they are serious enough, he comes and reports. Since he didn’t report, I figured that everything was okay.

Finally, after about fifteen minutes had passed, Royce came to me in tears. As it turned out, he had taken his ball and bat downstairs to practice his swing. He had thrown the ball up and hit it straight into one of our fluorescent lights. The light was now lying in a milion pieces all over the basement floor.

Here’s where I need to give a little background to the story. A few weeks ago, Ryan and Royce busted another light by throwing balls in the basement. At that time I laid down one of those eternal, never-to-be challenged rules concerning balls, the basement, and fluorescent lights. Fathers love doing that kind of thing. Naturally, when Royce busted another light with another ball, he knew he was in for a spanking.

Oh, yes, we practice the art of spanking around our house. We don’t cross the line into child abuse, but we do spank. If you disagree with this time-honored parenting method, please read the following Bible passages: Hebrews 12:5-11; Psalm 119:67; Proverbs 3:11-12; 13:24; 19:18; 26:15; 23:13-14; and 29:15,17. The board of education applied to the seat of knowledge can do wonders for the thought process of the mind. God gave us extra padding back there for a reason! 

And so, Royce knew that he was in for some disciplining. But he had a better idea. While I went downstairs to survey the damage, he headed out the door toward the garage. By the time I came back upstairs, he already had his little scooter out. When I said, “Get in here,” he said, “I’m going to run away because I don’t want another spanking.” I said, ”What are you going to do, just walk the roads?” He said, “That’s why I got my scooter.” I said, “And how do you plan to eat?” At that point he showed me that he had gone to his room and gotten his little billfold. He said, “I’ve got $30.” (That was the truth. He’d been saving his “Grandpaw” and “Grandmaw” money.)

Well, even though he had obviously thought things out pretty clearly, I still made him come in the house. And, yes, I gave him a one-swat spanking. (Two-swat spankings are reserved for really bad disobedience.) When Tonya came home and got the whole report, she said, “I can’t leave you alone with them for two hours.” I said, “I thought I was doing good by not letting him go outside at dark.” I’m telling you, I just can’t win for losing. As for how Royce was going to live on $30, he said he would just keep on buying bags of Cheetos.

Two things struck me about Royce wanting to run away. First, I was actually glad that he had enough healthy fear of me to know that disobedience would bring punishment. Did you know that a child gets his first concept of God from his father? How the father acts pushes the child towards that idea of God. Abusive fathers turn God into a bully. Absentee fathers turn Him into someone who cares more about everyone else than the child. Milquetoast fathers turn Him into a timid, unassertive weakling. I don’t mind influencing Royce to view God as an authority figure who will punish disobedience. After all, that’s what He is.

The same book of Proverbs that has so much to say about spanking also has lots to say about the fear of the Lord. This is far from a coincidence. God understands full well what I just said about a child getting his first impression of God from his father. According to Proverbs, the fear of the Lord:

-is the beginning of knowledge (1:7)

-leads to a departing from evil (3:7, 16:6)

-will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones (3:8)      

-leads to a hatred of evil (8:13)

-is the beginning of wisdom (9:10)

-prolongs days (10:27)

-brings strong confidence (14:26)

-is a fountain of life (14:27)

-turns one away from the snares of death (14:27)

-is the instruction of wisdom (15:33)

-leads to life, an abiding in satisfaction, and a protection from evil (19:23)

-leads to riches, honor, and life (22:4)

Now you see why it is so important for Royce to have a healthy fear of me. As he grows up, he will be able to naturally transfer that fear from his earthly father to his heavenly father. Last night showed that we are on schedule in that department.

The second thing that struck me about Royce wanting to run away was how much it reminded me of Adam and Eve. When they heard God walking in the garden of Eden after their sin, their first impulse was to hide, get away, and keep from reporting (Genesis 3:8). The fact that this was Royce’s same response after he had disobeyed me proved that the inherited sin-nature is alive and well in the little fellow. He was born with mommy’s eyes, daddy’s nose, and Adam’s nature.

Now that I’ve had some time to think about it, I can see even more similarities between Royce’s situation and Adam and Eve’s:

#1: I didn’t want Royce to run away and hide any more than God wanted Adam and Eve to run away and hide. It would have crushed me to lose my son forever just as it would have crushed God to lose His two kids forever.

#2: Like Adam and Eve, Royce was all ready to accept an inferior way of living rather than confess his sin. Adam and Eve had their fig leaves; he had his Cheetos.

#3: Just as God couldn’t wink at Adam and Eve’s disobedience and say, “We’ll let it go this time,” I couldn’t let Royce off the hook. The disobedience had to be addressed.

#4: After the disobedience was addressed, the fellowship was restored. The souls of Adam and Eve are in heaven right now, still enjoying fellowship with God. Royce and I are getting along just fine today too.

#5: Even though the disobedience was dealt with and the fellowship restored, the fallout from the sin remains. We lost our basement light and Adam and Eve lost their sinless perfection, innocence, and immortality. Sin does damage, and there’s no getting around that.

I love Royce, and we’ll buy a new light. God loves Adam and Eve (and their race), and He sent His Son to die so that His blood could cleanse all sin (John 3:16). Adam and Eve placed their belief in the Lord and learned the lesson that forgiveness of sin only comes via the shed blood of a sacrifice (Genesis 3:21). Now the question is, Have you placed your belief in Jesus and allowed the blood He shed in dying to cleanse you from all sin (Hebrews 10:4-14)? Or are you still going down life’s highway on your scooter, living on Cheetos?

May 23, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Christ's Death, Disobedience, Fatherhood, Forgiveness, Parenting, Rebellion, Sin, contentment | , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

A Family Resemblance

Let me shock you: God’s chief characteristic is not love; it is holiness. Psalm 47:8 doesn’t say that God sits upon his “loving” throne. It says that He sits upon His “holy” throne. As Moses stood before the burning bush and talked with the great I AM, he wasn’t told to take off his sandals because the ground was “loving” ground. He had to take them off because it was “holy” ground (Exodus 3:1-14).

How holy is God? Even the stars aren’t pure in His sight (Job 25:5). His eyes are so pure they cannot look upon wickedness (Habakkuk 1:13). He speaks in holiness (Psalm 60:6). He swears by His holiness (Psalm 89:35). His name is “Holy” (Isaiah 57:15). It’s no wonder the seraph angels of Isaiah 6:1-3 cry out, “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord of hosts!”  

The fact is, if God’s love trumped His holiness, everyone’s soul would go to heaven in the afterlife. But that doesn’t happen. Many souls go to hell (Matthew 7:13-14; Luke 16:19-31). People don’t end up in hell because God doesn’t love them. He loves them enough that Jesus (God the Son) died for their sins (Romans 5:6-11; 1 Corinthians 15:3). That death allows those who place their belief in Christ to be forgiven of all their sins (John 3:16-18; Colossians 1:14, 2:13; 1 John 2:12). No, people end up in hell because God’s holiness compels Him to judge the unforgiven sins of those who do not believe in Christ as Savior (John 3:36; John 5:40; Titus 1:15; Hebrews 2:3).

Now, what if your earthly father’s chief characteristic was generosity? How best could you show people that you were his child? You would be generous, right? Whenever you displayed generosity, people would say, “Oh, how much you act like your father! You are His child. No doubt about it.” Well, Christian, God is your heavenly father (John 1:1-5, 9-12; Galatians 4:4-7; 1 John 3:1). How then can you best show people that you are His child? You got it: be holy. This connection is made so clearly in passages such as 1 John 3:2-3, 1 Peter 1:15-16, and 2 Corinthians 6:14-18, 7:1.

In view of this, it’s no wonder that the world doesn’t come knocking on the doors of our churches, begging us to lead them to God. What’s so appealing about a father whose children engage in sexual immorality, alcohol abuse, lying, cheating, foul language, pornography, drug use, backbiting, greed, provocative dress, and unforgiveness? Certainly I understand there are plenty of Christians whose lives aren’t marked by any of these sins. I also understand, though, that there are too many whose lives are.

As a pastor, I’ve seen times when some of my church members conducted themselves in ways that did not cast their heavenly Father in a favorable light. I’m also aware of the feeble attempts to explain away unholy behavior. “I know this is wrong, but…” “I understand that God isn’t pleased with what I’m doing, but I’m still going to heaven when I die.” “Whatever sins I’m commiting are covered by the blood of Christ.” The problem with all of these lines is that they lean heavily on the love of God and play down His holiness. They make God out to be a God of mush and gush whose love forces Him to accept any and all standards of conduct. This is not the God of the Bible. This is the God of the person who doesn’t have enough healthy respect for God’s frightful holiness to repent of his sins.

Christian, if you have never done so, it’s time you started taking your heavenly Father’s holiness seriously. It’s time you gave some real thought to how your ways are causing Him to appear to others. Your sins don’t just hurt your reputation; they hurt God’s! You are the child that He has produced via the born again experience (John 3:1-8). Thus, you are His statement to one and all. Through you He is saying, “Here is what I can do with the person who becomes my child.” But do you recognize how that statement falls apart if your life is tainted by unholiness? You see, the idea of a family resemblance can be a good thing or a bad thing. And it’s up to you to make sure that, in your case, it’s a good thing.

April 1, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Fatherhood, Holiness, Sin | , , , | Leave a Comment

Children Are…

Think about how you would finish the following sentence: “Children are…” These days, I’m a little scared of how Tonya and I might finish it. Both of us have now learned to function in a state of semi-exhaustion from keeping up with the schedules that Ryan (our eleven-year old) and Royce (our eight-year old) bring. Because of this, we might finish the sentence: “Children are draining, demanding, needy, expensive, ungrateful, and hard.”

We feel like the parents in that story about two teenagers who were talking. One teen said to the other, “I’m worried. My father goes to work every day to keep a roof over my head, food in my stomach, clothes on my back, and a car under me. When he comes home, he mows the yard, trims the hedge, and pays the bills. My mother cooks all our meals, washes the dishes, cleans the house, and does the laundry.” The second teen said, “So what have you got to be worried about? It sounds like you’ve got it made.” To that, the first teen replied, “I’m worried they will try to escape!” 

It’s just this kind of thing that keeps my attitude towards my two boys from always being what it should be. I become easily annoyed. I get ill. I walk around cranky. Someone once asked a little boy, “Does your daddy have a den?” The boy said, “No, he just growls all over the house.” That’s me too many times.

When we come to the Bible, however, we see that it teaches that parents should place an incalculable value on children. Psalm 127:3-5 says: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them.” When women such as Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, and Hannah learned they were barren, they were devastated. They wanted to be mothers! They understood the worth and importance of children.

On my desk, taped just below my computer monitor, is a good word from Anthony Mullinax. It is entitled “If I Knew Then.” He writes:

“There are so many daily joys for the parents of young children: pushing their swing, bouncing them on your knee, playing horsey, shooting marbles, playing baseball, etc. Then one day it dawns on you that you aren’t doing those things anymore – they’ve outgrown it. You realize that somewhere back there was the very last time. If I knew then what I know now, I would have savored the last occurance of each of those childhood games a little more. I would have lingered a little longer at the swing, bounced them on my knee a little longer that last time. When we played horsey and that inevitable, gleeful plea came, ’One more time! Daddy, one more time,’ I would have crawled across that floor on my hands and knees until only sheer exhaustion made me drop.”      

I keep that piece taped to my desk where I can see it because I want to make the most of my boys’ childhood days. Through all of the time consumption, energy drain, financial outlay, and downright aggravation, I want to keep in mind that this part of their lives won’t last forever. I can already drag out the old videos of them as babies and toddlers and feel a tug at my heart for days that will never been again. Yes, being a parent is tough, and if I had even one more “arrow” in my “quiver,” I don’t know how I’d make it. Still, I want to do a good job as a father to Ryan and Royce. For one reason, my heavenly father expects nothing less. But for another one, it really is the desire of my heart.

March 25, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Children, Fatherhood, Parenting | Leave a Comment