Russell Mckinney's Blog

Straight Talk About God and Life

Follow Up To “Church Or YBOA Basketball?”

In March of last year, I wrote a post entitled “Church Or YBOA Basketball?” In that post, I explained how my son Ryan’s participation in Youth Basketball of America was causing him to miss some of our Sunday morning church services. I concluded the piece by saying that I had made the decision that Ryan would no longer miss any church services over scheduling conflicts with his YBOA team.

Well, so far this year Ryan’s team has played in two tournaments. In the first one, we played three games on Saturday and one at 1:00 p.m. on Sunday. Since our church services begin at 10:30 a.m. and end at roughly 11:45 a.m., Ryan was able to attend church and still be at his game on time. So far, so good.

But things didn’t work out so convienently this past weekend. Ryan’s team played two games on Saturday and was scheduled again for 12:00 p.m. Sunday. Now I had to put my money where my blog was. It wasn’t an easy decision, and I did reexamine the whole issue before making it, but when the dust settled I stuck to my guns. Ryan missed the game, but we had an excellent church service.

On Thursday of last week, I wanted to talk to Jeff, Ryan’s coach, after practice. My plan was to hand him a printout of the blog post, ask him to read it, and then call me. But Jeff was too busy talking to other folks for me to have such a moment with him. So, I just left the printout in the seat of his truck with a little note asking him to read it. I called him later that night but couldn’t get in touch with him. He got my message, though, and called me the next day.

Jeff and I had a good ten-minute talk in which I explained that my decision to sit Ryan out had nothing to do with him as a coach. I said, “This is between me, Ryan, and the Lord.” Jeff understood completely and we even talked about ways in which the situation could be prevented from happening again. He said he is going to think about asking the tournament directors to let our team just play three or four games per Saturday and not come back on Sunday. That plan has my vote, but we’ll see what comes of it.

For the record, our team lost that Sunday game. That’s the bad news. The good news (at least for me) is that we lost by a wide enough margin so that no one could say, “If Ryan had been there, we would have won.” Since he is a starter, I figure that his presence could have helped some. But when you get beat by 23 points, I’m not sure Kobe Bryant could save you. 

There was one thing that surprised me about my decision not to let Ryan play. I had two different people make a point of saying that they didn’t expect Ryan to play because they had read the blog post and remembered it. When I found that out, I was glad that I hadn’t waffled on my decision. That would have caused me to lose some credibility.  

In the end, I don’t know how the rest of our season is going to play out. All I know is that I’m going to do my best to continue to honor the commitment I felt the Lord led me to make last March. Hopefully, we either won’t be scheduled for any more Sunday games or they will tip off late enough for us to get Ryan there after church.

Again, the idea of playing all Saturday games is very appealing to me. Of course, since Sunday is always the day the tournament champions are crowned, we wouldn’t be able to actually win a tournament. To me, though, that is a small price to pay to give nine boys and their parents the opportunity to build their Sunday around church instead of YBOA basketball.

February 24, 2010 Posted by russellmckinney | Character, Children, Choices, Church attendance, Parenting, Personal, Priorities, Sports, church | , , , , , , , | No Comments Yet

The Importance Of A Child’s Salvation

(Post 4 of a series of 4)

This post will be the fourth and last in this series on parenting. In my previous three, I’ve dealt with the importance of obedience in a child, the importance of individuality in a child, and the importance of spanking a child. With this one, I want to talk about the importance of a child’s salvation.

Let us never forget that little boys and little girls need salvation. Salvation isn’t just for the drunk lying in the street, the convicted killer on death row, or the Muslim terrorist. It is also for young sons and young daughters.

To get us into this, let’s look at 2 Timothy 1:1-5, where the apostle Paul writes:

“Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, according to the promise of life which is in Christ Jesus, To Timothy, a beloved son: Grace, mercy, and peace, from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. I thank God, whom I serve with a pure conscience, as my forefathers did, as without ceasing I remember you in my prayers night and day, greatly desiring to see you, being mindful of your tears, that I may be filled with joy, when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also.”

In this fifth verse, Paul talks about a genuine saving faith (an authentic belief in Christ). He says to Timothy, “This saving faith (this authentic belief in Christ) was first in your grandmother Lois. She then passed it down to her daughter (your mother) Eunice. Then Eunice passed it down to you.”

The idea is that Lois and Eunice created an atmosphere in their family wherein Timothy wanted to personally put saving faith in Jesus. Lois put saving faith in Christ, and her salvation played a big part in her daughter, Eunice, putting saving faith in Christ. Eunice’s salvation, in turn, played a big part in her son, Timothy, putting saving faith in Christ.

Now, with that said, I want to devote the rest of this post to offering some practical advice about how parents should share the gospel with their small children. I’ve put this advice under the headings of three general statements. You shouldn’t have any trouble following along.

Statement #1 is: Parent, before you ask your child to believe in Jesus as Savior, it’s a good idea for you to have a basic foundation of Jesus already in place in that child’s life.

When it comes time for a child to seriously deal with Jesus and His offer of salvation, it will be so much better if there is a basic foundation of Christ already in place in that child’s life. But how does a parent lay such a foundation? The obvious ways include taking the child to church every Sunday and buying the child a children’s Bible. The sad truth is that many parents fail even in these basic areas.

Moving on from these basics, there is what I’ll call the spoken word. By the spoken word, I mean that from a child’s early days that child should hear his or her parents talking to Jesus and about Jesus.

Here are a few examples of how a child can hear a parent talk to Jesus. Parent, at mealtime let your child hear you say, “Jesus, we thank you for this food.” When it rains, say to your child, “Well, Jesus is sending us some more rain.” When your child goes to bed, make your child’s bedtime prayers to Jesus. Get on your knees beside the child’s bed, have the child close his eyes, and then you say things like, “Jesus, thank you for watching over us today. Thank you for this home. Thank you for this warm bed to sleep in.” You pray like that a few nights and then let your child do the praying. Hopefully, that child will learn to pray like you pray.

And, by the way, be sure to remind the child that Jesus is God. If the child tries to act silly during the prayer time, just say, “Now remember, you are talking to God.” You see, if you will talk to Jesus correctly in front of your child, you can build all kinds of great theology into your child’s thinking.

Just through the things your child hears you pray, your child can learn that Jesus is: God, our creator, our sustainer, our protector, and our provider. Then, when the child is mature enough to honestly deal with the issue of believing in Christ as Savior or rejecting Him, that child will have all of that wonderful foundation already in his mind. If a child already thinks of Jesus as his God, creator, sustainer, protector, and provider, it won’t be too hard for him to add Savior to the list..

Now let me mention a few examples of how a child can hear a parent talk about Jesus. Parent, when you go to the beach, stand with your child on the shore, look out at the ocean, and say, “Didn’t Jesus create a big, beautiful ocean?” When a problem comes up, say to your child, “Don’t worry. Jesus will help us with this.” At Christmas tell your child the story of how Jesus left heaven, became a baby, and was born to a virgin named Mary. At Easter tell the child the story of how Jesus died for the sins of the world and then arose from the dead. Read Bible stories about Jesus to your child. Make it a point to talk about Jesus as if He is a real person, because, after all, He is. Don’t let Jesus get lumped in with SpongeBob SquarePants, Elmo, or Big Bird.

What I’m saying is, let your child hear you using the spoken word to talk to Jesus and about Jesus. In a hundred different prayers and a hundred different conversations, use the words you speak to saturate your child’s world with Jesus. This is a great way for you to lay a basic foundation of Christ in that child’s life.

My second statement is: Parents, when it comes to the matter of salvation, don’t rush your child.

Any right-thinking parent wants their child to be saved from that fiery place the Bible calls hell. But what each parent should remember is that children under the age of accountability are not in immediate danger of hell.

If you look for the term “the age of accountability” in the Bible, you won’t find it. That doesn’t mean, though, that the idea of an age of accountability is wrong. While it’s true that each child is born a sinner, it’s also true that small children simply do not have the ability to understand the idea of salvation, let alone God’s plan of salvation. We hear a lot about the love of God, but the Bible also says quite a bit about the justness of God, and, quite frankly, it’s hard to imagine a God of justness sending the soul of a small child to hell.

The issue is not the child’s innocence because each child really is a born sinner. The issue is the fact that the plan of salvation is totally beyond the understanding of a child. How can you share the gospel with a child when that child can’t even understand your language? I know that Romans 1:20 teaches that every adult on planet earth is without excuse before God (even those who have never heard about Christ), but adults aren’t the same as little children.

Matthew chapter 18 comes into play here. In that chapter we find the story of Jesus calling a little child to Him. In using that child as an object lesson to teach His disciples, Jesus said to them, “Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones; for I say unto you, that in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” That’s interesting, isn’t it? Little children have angels who always behold the face of God the Father in heaven. I don’t know everything there is to know about that, but I sure like the sounds of it.

In addition to that passage, we have the story from 2nd Samuel chapter 12. David’s infant son died, and David said of him, “I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” When David thought about the afterlife he certainly wasn’t planning on spending eternity apart from God. He wrote in Psalm 23:6, “I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” His words about his son, then, seem to indicate that David thought of the soul of his dead, infant son as being with God.

Furthermore, 2nd Samuel chapter 12 isn’t just a story from the life of David. It is also a part of the inspired word of God. That means that those words aren’t just wishful thinking on David’s part.

Because of these passages and some others I could mention, I have enough confidence in the idea of an age of accountability to say that a parent shouldn’t rush their small child to “make a decision” for Jesus. Parent, the last thing you want to do is rush your child into making some kind of shallow, uninformed, false decision for Christ.

If you do that, here’s what might very well happen. After your child makes that false decision, you will then get the child baptized as soon as possible. Following that baptism, you will want the child to officially join the church membership roll. But that baptism and that joining of the church membership list will hurt the church and the child.

It will hurt the church because ideally each person on the church’s membership roll is a true Christian. It will hurt the child because the child will grow up thinking that he or she is on the way to heaven when in reality they are not. That might very well make that child resistant to truly believing in Christ.

You see, parent, you and your child stand to lose far too much if you rush that child on the matter of salvation. That’s why you should wait until you are rock-solid sure that your child is ready to decide either for or against Christ.

Of course, the age of accountability is different for each child. Anyone who knows children knows that children don’t mature at the same rate. Therefore, I don’t know how old your child will be when he or she has the mental capability to genuinely believe in Christ as Savior. But what I’m saying is, please don’t rush your child on this.

And then my third and last statement is: Parent, when you explain the plan of salvation to your child, keep it simple.

When you are giving your child the gospel, stay on topic and stick with the essentials. You don’t need to include a teaching on the Rapture. You don’t need to get into what the Bible says about bodily resurrection. You don’t need to try to explain election and predestination. You don’t need to bring up the topic of spiritual gifts. Just stick with the basic, vital, mandatory information. The child is a sinner; Jesus is the Son of God; Jesus died to pay for the child’s sins; the child needs to believe in Jesus as Savior. Once a child truly believes in Christ as Savior, then you can start the gradual process of giving that child more and more knowledge concerning Christ.

On the other hand, don’t oversimplify things and pronounce the child a Christian when he or she isn’t. Lay out the bare bones of the gospel and see how the child responds. Ask the child, “Do you understand this?” Even if the child says, “Yes,” don’t just take the child’s word for it. Quiz the child to see if he or she really does understand. If the understanding is there, push on to the decision part. If the understanding isn’t there, the child is probably just too young to really grasp what you are saying. He or she hasn’t reached the age of accountability yet.

In closing, let me remind each parent that a child’s salvation is the most important goal in bringing up a child. Parents put such careful thought and work into planning for a child’s college education, but they give little attention to bringing that child to saving belief in Christ. Parents knock themselves out to see to it that their children have food, clothing, and a home, but they put little or no effort into leading their children to Christ. What we need today are some parents like Lois and Eunice. If we have those, some Timothys will surely follow.

January 30, 2010 Posted by russellmckinney | Baptism, Belief, Children, Church attendance, Evangelism, Parenting, Witnessing, salvation | , , , , , | No Comments Yet

The Importance Of Spanking A Child

(Post 3 of a series of 4)

This will be post #3 in my series on parenting, and this one will answer the question of what the Bible teaches about spanking. Before we look at any scripture, though, I want to say a quick word about child-abuse. Sadly, child-abuse does occur. And, unfortunately, many people label any form of spanking as child-abuse. But I want you to give me credit for not advocating fanatic extremism. When I talk about spanking a child, I’m not talking about breaking a child’s arm, blacking a child’s eye, or bloodying a child’s nose.

When I talk about spanking, I’m talking about spanking in a sane, sensible way. Anyone with an ounce of common sense and Biblical sense knows that there are limits to how far a parent can go when spanking a child. What I’m saying is, going to the other extreme and not spanking is also wrong. Putting a ban on spanking might satisfy the politically correct, but it will never satisfy God.

Alright, now let’s look at some scripture. We’ll begin with Proverbs 13:24: “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.”

Obviously, this verse flies directly in the face of the attitude that says, “If you really love your child, you will not spank that child.” God says, “That’s the exact opposite of the truth.” He says, “If you really love your child, you will spank that child.” The term I like is “tough love.” Real love can’t always be mush and gush. Real love must sometimes involve using the rod for the purpose of discipline.

The fact is that God, as each Christian’s heavenly father, simply demands that earthly parents follow the example that He sets in dealing with His children. I say this because Hebrews 12:5-10 tells us in no uncertain terms that God disciplines (chastens, whips) Christians when their unholy behavior demands it. That passage actually goes so far as to say that if God doesn’t chasten a person, that person isn’t a true child of God (a true Christian).

Listen, parents, you aren’t more loving than God! God loves each Christian far more than any earthly parent loves any earthly child, and yet He still disciplines each Christian. You see, He doesn’t ask any parent to do something that He Himself isn’t willing to do. God knows that children must be disciplined (chastened, spanked). He loves His children too much not to spank them when they need it, and He simply asks each parent to follow His example.

Now let’s look at Proverbs 19:18: “Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction.”

The scary part of this verse is that phrase “while there is hope.” The teaching is that a parent only has a limited window of time in which to break a child of its stubborn, destructive self-will. Parent, if you wait until the teenage years to start your chastening, you will be too late. You’ve got to do your chastening while your child is still developing those traits and habits that will carry that child through life. Never forget that those traits and habits will go a long way in determining what kind of a life the child will have.

Think about cement. When cement is first mixed and poured, you can put your handprint or your footprint into it. You can even write your name in it. But you can’t do any of that once that cement becomes hardened and settled.

In the same way, the parent who wants to leave an indelible impression upon a child must make that impression while the child is young. Once that child reaches a certain age, the impression won’t take. You can’t do much with a sixteen-year old smart-aleck. You can’t build the proper values and the right kind of character into an eighteen-year-old know-it-all. That’s why we’ve got to mold and shape our children while they are still young. We’ve got to chasten them while there is hope.

Next, let’s look at Proverbs 22:15: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.”

Parents, we’ve got to get away from this idea that children are naturally innocent. Each child comes out bearing the mark of Adam’s fall from righteousness. Maternity wards are filled with little sinners, and don’t you ever forget that. A newborn has daddy’s eyes, mommy’s nose, and Adam’s sin nature.

Because of that sin nature, each child is eaten up with foolishness. Children do things they shouldn’t do, foolish things. They run out in front of traffic. They try to climb trees. They throw temper tantrums in the middle of stores. They do the very things they are told not to do.

How do we get this foolishness out of them? Will begging do it? No. Will bargaining do it? No. Will reasoning do it? No. The Bible says that what will do it is the rod of correction.

I’m not against lecturing, revoking privileges, grounding, or putting a child in “time out.” Each of these brands of discipline has its place in the raising of a child. Furthermore, I don’t believe that spanking is always the best way of handling a situation. But let me be clear: I don’t read anything in the Bible about lecturing, revoking privileges, grounding, or using “time out.” I do, however, read a lot about spanking.

Parenting should work in the following way. First, parents should lay the foundation of spanking in a child’s life. Then, once the child has been spanked and knows that spanking is a very real disciplinary option, the parents can build a diverse system of discipline upon that firm foundation of spanking. That diverse system can include things such as lecturing, revoking privileges, grounding, or using “time out.”

But the great mistake so many parents make is they start trying to build the diverse system of discipline without ever laying the foundation for the building. They go straight to the other forms of discipline without first putting down the foundation of “the rod of correction.” So, yes, there will be exceptions to the rule of spanking, but let’s make sure that we don’t throw out the rule and just go with the exceptions. In God’s plan, the rod of correction, used rightly, is to be the initial, foundational means of disciplining in a child’s life.

Now let’s look at Proverbs 23:13-14: “Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell.”

These verses take a little explaining. Let me start by saying that the Hebrew word that is translated here as “hell” is Sheol. There is a lot that I could say about this place called Sheol, but for now let me just say that in Old Testament days people thought of Sheol as the realm of the dead.

In other words, when anybody died, that person’s soul went to Sheol. One section of Sheol held the souls of the saved. That section was one of bliss and comfort. The other section held the souls of the unsaved. That section was one of suffering and torment. The New Testament’s Greek word for this place is Hades. The Old Testament’s Sheol and the New Testament’s Hades are the same place.

So, when an Old Testament person says something about going to Sheol, he’s most likely talking in a very general way about dying. He’s simply saying, “I’m going to die.”

And so the teaching of Proverbs 23:13-14 is not that spanking automatically leads to a child’s salvation. The teaching is that, as a basic rule, children who are spanked correctly tend to grow up and live longer lives than children who are never spanked. When a parent refuses to spank a child and break that child of its inborn rebelliousness, that little rebel grows up to become a big rebel, and big rebels tend to live sin-shortened lives.

Big rebels rob banks and get killed in shootouts. Big rebels commit murder and are put to death in gas chambers. Big rebels become alcoholics whose livers and hearts become ravaged with the adverse effects of alcoholism. Big rebels become smokers whose lungs become blackened and damaged. Big rebels become drug addicts whose days are shortened by harming their bodies through drugs. Big rebels become sexually promiscuous and fall victim to sexually transmitted diseases. In all of these examples and others we could mention, we see that unbroken rebels stand a very good chance of somehow shortening their days through some kind of sin.

Now let’s move to Proverbs 29:15,17. First look at verse 15: “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” And then comes verse 17: “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul.”

Here again we have a contrast presented. A child who is left to himself (who is not spanked when he or she needs it) brings his mother to shame, but a child who is corrected (who is spanked when he or she needs it) gives delight unto a parent’s soul. I’m not trying to be harsh, but when a parent spanks or refuses to spank seed goes into the ground, seed that parent will one day reap. Rebels tend to make their parents’ last years troubled ones, years filled with regret, while obedient children tend to make their parents’ last years good ones, years filled with peace.

So, to sum all this up, many parents today just don’t realize that a deadly disease is coursing through the veins of their children. That disease is sin. Its symptoms are: disobedience, stubbornness, selfishness, temper-tantrums, back-talking, and rebelliousness. The only true cure for this disease is for the child to put saving belief in Jesus Christ. But until a child is old enough to make a legitimate, soul-saving decision to believe in Christ as Savior, the primary cure for the symptoms of the disease of sin is discipline. And, according to the Bible, the basic foundation for disciple should be spanking.

There was a time in this country when spanking was looked upon as a perfectly acceptable means of discipline, but now much of public opinion has changed. God hasn’t changed, though, and neither has His written word. He spanks His children (Christians) when they get out of line, and He expects earthly parents to do the same with their children.

January 28, 2010 Posted by russellmckinney | Children, Corporal Punishment, Discipline, Disobedience, God's Chastening, Parenting, obedience, spanking | , , , , | 5 Comments

The Importance Of Individuality In A Child

(Post 2 of a series of 4)

This will be the second post in my series on parenting. With this one, I want to talk about the importance of a child’s individuality. For my text, I’ll use Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Hebrew scholars tell us that a precise translation of the Hebrew of this verse would read something like: “Train up a child according to his way: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This explains why the Amplified Bible, which is a translation that adds in extra words to help clarify the exact meaning of Bible’s original Hebrew and Greek, renders the verse as follows: “Train up a child in the way he should go (and in keeping with his individual gift or bent), and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Why am I going to the trouble to dig deep into the original Hebrew of Proverbs 22:6? I’m doing it because an improper understanding of what this verse actually says has led many to an improper application of it. Have you ever heard this verse quoted as a promise that a child who was raised in a Christian home will always eventually return to that upbringing, even though that child’s life has downgraded into sin and worldliness? I have heard the verse preached that way many times.

The problem with that attempted interpretation is that it doesn’t hold up to the test of real-life experience. Saying it plainly, some children who were trained up to know the Lord and live for Him do depart from that training when they get older and never return to it. How many times have you heard someone say of a wayward child who is living in rank sin, “Well, he wasn’t raised that way”?

Parent, your job is to let your child run with the talents, abilities, and interests that God has built into that child. You don’t have the right to push some destiny or course of life onto your child. Your responsibility is to find out what your child’s weak points and strong points are and help that child get on a road in life that will lead to fulfillment, happiness, and contentment.

Having said that, let me name the main problem that parents have in this area: living vicariously through their children. The interesting thing is that this vicarious living can play out in one of two ways. I’ll give you examples of both.

First, some parents try to recreate their lives through their children. Let’s say that a father was always a great athlete. Playing ball came easily and naturally to him. So what does this father do? He tries to recreate his days as an athlete by pushing athletics onto his son. But let’s say that his son isn’t gifted in athletics and doesn’t enjoy sports. The boy would rather read a book than go outside and play ball. His father won’t let the child be himself, though. The father is too caught up in recreating his glory days through his son.

Second, some parents try to go back and change their lives by living vicariously through their children. This way ends up at the same problem, but it gets there by means of a totally opposite motivation. Let’s say that a father wasn’t the great athlete he always longed to be. So what does he do? He tries to go back and change his life by pushing athletics onto his son. He looks at his son and says, “I’m going to make you the ballplayer that I never was.” It doesn’t matter that his son doesn’t have the nature or the ability of a ballplayer. That father makes his son play ball as a means of doing the ball-playing he himself missed out on.

Of course, athletics is just one area where these two kinds of vicarious living show up. Here are some other illustrations involving other areas. I hope none of these describes you.

Let’s imagine a mother who is obsessed with turning her daughter into a beauty queen. Maybe this mother was herself a beauty queen or maybe she was the total opposite of a beauty queen, but whatever her motivation is she wants her daughter to be a beauty queen. So what does she do? She pushes that girl into beauty pageants, won’t let the girl eat like she wants to eat, makes her take singing lessons, dancing lessons, etc. You see, it’s all about that mother trying to either recreate her life or go back and change her life through her child.

Let’s imagine a man who is a skilled surgeon. This man says, “My son is going to grow up and follow in my footsteps. I’ll send him to the best college and the best medical school.” The only problem is that the little boy is a born mechanic. The father buys him one of those Operation games, but rather than taking the tweezers and practicing at surgery, the little boy takes the game apart just to see how it works. What should that father do with such a child? He should steer that child towards technical school, not medical school.

Let’s imagine the most practical, all-business, common-sense mother who ever lived. This mother tries to stamp her personality onto her daughter. The problem is that the daughter is not like her mother. The daughter is into the arts, things like poetry, music, and painting. So what should this down-home mother do? She should build responsibility and godliness into her daughter and then encourage her to let her creativity flow.

On and on I could go with the examples, but hopefully by now you are catching what I’m throwing. God doesn’t use a cookie-cutter to create children. He doesn’t use a “one size fits all” pattern. Each child comes uniquely designed and gifted, and it is the parent’s job to help that child build a life around what that child is gifted to do.

You say, “But Russell, how do I know what my child’s natural tendencies and abilities are?” The answer is, you spend time with that child, watch that child, listen to that child, and study that child. Also, you let the child try different things.

One of the best ways to find out whether or not your child has a musical ability and tendency is to sign that child up for music lessons. I took guitar lessons for a while, and my mom and dad really encouraged me about my guitar-playing. They bought me two nice guitars and every Saturday morning I went to a music teacher’s house and took lessons from her. I learned my chords and my notes, and I actually got to where I could play a few songs. Some of my friends and I even formed a group. We won our local 4-H talent show, played a few local events, and played in the regional 4-H talent show.

If some boys had that kind of musical encouragement and experience they would make a life-path out of music. But I didn’t do that. Do you know why? It was because I didn’t have either a real desire or a real gift for music. Oh, I could memorize the hand placements for chords and notes on a guitar. I wasn’t born for music, though. That’s why I didn’t stay with it. I guess the fact that I absolutely despised practicing was an early tip-off!

But what I’m saying is that I didn’t realize that I wasn’t born for music until I actually gave it a try. So, parent, don’t get so upset with your child when the child tries something but doesn’t stay with it. Just see that as a lesson learned in what your child isn’t meant to do.

I’m not a hunter. I don’t think hunting is morally wrong; it’s just not something I like to do. I can still remember, though, the one day when I tried to be a hunter. My dad used to do some hunting, and one day he took me bird hunting with him. We went up in the woods just above our house.

I was glad that my dad included me, and hunting is a wonderful way for fathers and sons to bond, but I didn’t enjoy walking through the woods, holding a gun, and looking for a bird to shoot. I was much happier being in the house watching t.v. Still, I classify that day I went hunting as a good memory.

So, parent, let me encourage you to study your child, learn what the child’s strengths and weaknesses are, and help the child to run with its strengths. The world needs brain-surgeons, but it also needs school-bus drivers to get the future brain surgeons to and from grade school. The world needs corporate CEOs, but it also needs bricklayers to build the office buildings in which corporate CEOS work. The world needs writers, but it also needs garbage collectors to haul off all of the discarded paper writers toss into trash cans.

Each child is unique and special, and it is a parent’s job to do all that he or she can to guide their child into the place in life that God has in mind for that child. Yes, that will take some effort, no doubt about it. It will all be worth it, though, when the child ends up happy, contented, and playing the role God built him to play.

January 26, 2010 Posted by russellmckinney | Children, Fatherhood, Individuality, Parenting, Sports, Uncategorized | , , , , , | No Comments Yet

The Importance Of A Child’s Obedience

(Post 1 of a series of 4)

With this post, I begin a four-part series on the subject of parenting. This first entry deals with the importance of obedience in a child. To get us started, I want to cite three passages, all of which address the issue of children obeying their parents.

Passage #1 is Deuteronomy 21:18-21:

“If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and who, when they have chastened him, will not heed them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. And they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones; so you shall put away the evil from among you; and all Israel shall hear and fear.”

Please understand that this text is not a word that directly applies to us. It was a part of God’s Old Testament law for the nation of Israel. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that these verses are any less the words of God. Neither does it mean that we can’t study them and be helped by them. As 2 Timothy 3:16 says: “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.”

I’m not advocating the stoning of any rebellious children, but I am trying to show you the incredible importance of obedience in a child. Obedience is important enough for God to have once instituted a law that called for the public death by stoning of every disobedient Israelite child.

God not only commanded the Israelites to stone disobedient children, He commanded the parents of those children to turn them over for the stoning. God, in essence, said to each of those parents, “It will be better for your nation if your disobedient child is dead. So shall you put away the evil from among you.”

He also said, “And all Israel shall hear, and fear.” That meant that such public stonings would seriously curtail the disobedience of any little potential rebels. For one thing, the stonings would cause parents to fear, because parents wouldn’t want their children to meet such a fate. For another thing, they would cause children to fear, because children wouldn’t want to lose their lives over a lack of obedience.

Now let’s move on to passage #2, which is Ephesians 6:1. This is a New Testament passage, which means that these words do directly apply to us. This verse says: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.”

And then passage #3 is Colossians 3:20, which says: “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.”

You see, by stringing these three passages together, we see that God’s holy scriptures have a clear and distinct Old Testament and New Testament word about children obeying their parents.

As for my own upbringing, my parents loved me and provided for me, but they didn’t break me. I was like a wild stallion that had never been ridden. I had a lot of potential, but like the potential of an unbroken horse, my potential remained unharnessed. I used to think that my staying unbroken was a good thing, but I’ve lived long enough to find out some of what refusing to be broken cost me.

Why I am telling you this? I’m trying to get the attention of those of you who are parents and those of you who would one day like to be parents. I’m trying to help you understand that children come wired with a self-will. It is stronger in some children than in others, but every child has a self-will. And if that self-will remains unbroken it can really mess up a child’s life. That’s why the self-will must be broken when the child is young. If a parent waits until the child’s teenage years to try and break it, that parent will be about 13 years and 150 pounds too late.

I’ll be grateful to God forever for the fact that He came to me when I was at the lowest point of my life and said, “Russell, for things to get better you must submit to me.” I had never really submitted to anyone, but at that time I did submit to God. It’s been many years since my submission, and in those years I have learned that submission to God is the only way a person can reach his or her full potential. Through my submission to Him, God has gotten stuff out of me that no one would ever have seen if I had remained unbroken.

Of course, when I talk about breaking a child I’m not talking about breaking the child’s spirit. Parents, the goal isn’t to create some braindead robot who lives in terror of you and has no opinion, thoughts, or personality. That kind of a child will grow up to be a complete pushover who never questions anything and submits to everybody. In other words, he or she will be a perfect candidate for a cult. A child needs to have a mind of its own, an opinion, and a personality. A child needs to remain the unique individual he or she is. Don’t break your child’s spirit, just the child’s disobedient self-will.

Let me go back to the illustration of the unbroken stallion. When a cowboy attempts to ride an unbroken stallion, the last thing in the world he wants to do is cripple the horse. He wants the horse to keep its strength, vitality, personality, and nature. That stuff makes for a great horse. But the cowboy understands that the horse’s stubborn, rebellious, disobedient self-will must be broken. All of that strength, vitality, personality, and nature can’t do anybody any good if the horse remains wild and untamed.

And here’s the most important aspect of you breaking your child: If you can bring your child under submission to you, it will be much easier for that child to eventually submit to Christ. The flipside is, if you can’t get your child to really submit to you, that child will grow up with no understanding of submission, a problem that will hinder his or her possible submission to Christ.

Now, having said all that I’ve said, I want to finish this up by speaking directly to those of you who are right now the parents of a small child. I’m going to ask you three simple questions. If these questions hit pretty close to home, just keep in mind that Tonya and I are currently raising two boys. Ryan is twelve and Royce is nine. That’s how I know the right questions to ask. With that in mind, here we go.

Question #1: When you tell your child to stop doing something, does the child really stop doing it? If the child keeps right on going, even after you’ve said, “Stop that” and even repeated yourself, you’ve got a problem right now. If your demands always end up in begging, pleading, and bargaining, you are already way behind in the battle of wills. Listen, if you can’t make a child really obey you, you are doomed when that child becomes a teenager.

Question #2: When you tell your child to come here, does the child come? If you say, “Yes, after I go and drag him by the arm,” you’ve got a problem right now. You’d better look ahead to the time when the child will be too big to manhandle. Then what will you do? A child who refuses to get out of a Little Tikes car and come in the house could easily become a teenager sitting in a real car, ignoring your curfew.

Question #3: When your child wants to do something but you say, “No,” does that child immediately start in with the incessant complaining, whining, and crying? You say, “Yes, but don’t worry, I never cave in.” Well, I’m glad that you don’t, but the problem is that you aren’t really breaking the child’s self-will. If you allow all that complaining, whining, and crying your child will get the idea that the issue of size is the only thing stopping him from doing what he wants to do.

Now, if you were honest in how you answered those three questions you’ve got a pretty good idea right now how broken and submitted your child is. I wonder if we would dare put ourselves in the role of Israelites in ancient Israel. How comfortable would we feel in our home-life if it was actually against the law for us to harbor a rebellious, disobedient child? Could your house pass that test? Could mine?

You say, “Oh, we aren’t Israelites and we don’t live under that law.” That’s true, but does that mean that God doesn’t want us to raise children who know submission and obedience? Of course it doesn’t!

So tell me, are you man enough or woman enough to do this job? Are you tougher than a four-foot rebel with a cowlick? Can you teach submission and obedience to a two-year old hothead? Who’s calling the shots at your house? Is the dog wagging the tail or is the tail wagging the dog? Parents, these are vital questions, and I hope that we are up to the task of living out the right answers.

January 25, 2010 Posted by russellmckinney | Children, Disobedience, Parenting, obedience, submission | , , , , , | No Comments Yet

Contemporary Vs. Traditional

(This article ran in the January, 2010 regional edition of The Blue Ridge Christian News.)

At Disciples Road Church, we feature a balanced blend of music. Unlike churches that offer separate traditional and contemporary services, we just throw everybody together and ask them to sing classic hymns and contemporary worship songs. Since having preferences is a part of being human, our members have theirs. With a few exceptions, the lines fall exactly as you would think: The kids like the contemporary songs best, but the adults like the classics.

The truth is, I can’t blame the kids for favoring the contemporary songs. Have you ever really paid attention to some of the words of the old hymns? The second verse of Holy, Holy, Holy has the line: “Cherubim and seraphim falling down before thee.” That’s a glorious thought, but how many youth know that cherubim and seraphim are two categories of angels? (And, yes, I’ve taught on that subject at the church). The first verse of All Hail The Power of Jesus’ Name reads: “Let angels prostrate fall; Bring forth the royal diadem.” When does a ten-year old hear the word “prostrate” or “diadem” other than in that song? The second verse of Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing begins with: “Here I raise mine Ebenezer; Hither by thy help I come.” That line is a reference to 1 Samuel 7:12, but a teenager sings it and thinks, “What’s an Ebenezer?” I’ve got to admit that even my initial reaction to the word has more to do with the Ebenezer Scrooge of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol than the great prophet Samuel. And I won’t even get into their reactions to “hither” and “thy”.

You say, “Russell, you’re just singing the wrong hymns. You need to quit trying to be ‘high church.’ Just stick to old standbys like At Calvary, What A Friend We Have In Jesus, and Leaning On The Everlasting Arms.” Well, I must report that we even run into some problems with these seemingly simple songs. At Calvary contains words such as “spurned”, “imploring”, and “raptured”. What A Friend We Have In Jesus gives us “laden”, “cumbered”, and “solace”. Leaning On The Everlasting Arms talks about walking in this “pilgrim way” and being safe and secure from all “alarms”. Any child who knows about getting up early for school knows what an alarm is and is left to wonder how God keeps us secure from them.

Do you understand the point I’m making? Oftentimes it takes an elderly theologian to grasp doctrinal truths that are presented in language from the 1700s, 1800s, and 1900s. There’s a reason why Bible-school songs sound so much different from our classic hymns. Yes, the quicker beat helps keep the attention of hyperactive kids, but the unsophisticated words are a major draw too. Children are like adults in that they want to be able to understand what they are singing.

My son Ryan is twelve years old. He is a straight-A student who has been raised in church. He knows Jesus as his Savior and wasn’t baptized by me until I was thoroughly convinced that his salvation was genuine. It has only been over the last three years that he has been introduced to contemporary Christian music. Before that, he only sung such songs during Bible school. Everything else was classic hymnology. What I’m saying is, if any kid should be able to handle the old songs, it’s Ryan.

Nevertheless, a few weeks ago, after our church had sung Victory In Jesus, Ryan asked me something that really opened my eyes. His question was, “Daddy, what’s a ‘wretch’?” You see, if that song had said, “I heard an old, old story, how a Savior came from glory, how he gave his life on Calvary to save a sinner like me,” Ryan would have understood completely. But that word “wretch” confused him, even though he’d also sung it before in the opening words of Amazing Grace. You see, he is a “wretch” who has been saved by God’s amazing grace via Christ’s death on Calvary, but he needs a song that expresses that great truth in words that he can grasp.

A couple of weeks later I had a similar experience with Royce, my nine-year old. For several months now Tonya has been working to get him to remain in the worship service for its entirety, which includes his daddy’s sermon. She’s taken longer to make that transition with him than she did with Ryan because he has matured at a different rate than Ryan. I’ve tried to help by encouraging Royce to really sing out when we sing our songs. I always try to get the kids to participate in the service. It helps them and it helps the service. Since Royce likes singing, he has become one of the loudest voices in our church. (We’ll work at staying on key and in tempo later.)

Well, I don’t remember exactly what we were singing that morning, but I could hear Royce’s loud voice coming in and out of the song. It was obvious what was happening: He was singing loud until he came to a word he didn’t know. If I hadn’t figured that out during the song, Royce certainly let me hear about it at the song’s conclusion. He said, for all the congregation to hear, “Those words are too hard!” Everybody laughed, but I knew the little fellow was simply voicing a frustration that has been felt by thousands of young people at some point during their church lives.

Under this same category, we also find the debate concerning the use of modern translations of the Bible. Just as words such as “wretch”, “prostrate”, “diadem”, “cumbered”, and “solace” are completely foreign to today’s youth, so are K.J.V. words such as:

 “chambering” (Romans 13:13); “sackbut” (Daniel 3:5); “clouted” (Joshua 9:5); “glede“ (Deuteronomy 14:13); “ouches” (Exodus 28:11); “brigandines” (Jeremiah 46:4); “chode“ (Numbers 20:3); “nitre” (Proverbs 25:20); “purtenance” (Exodus 12:9); “choler“ (Daniel 8:7); “scall” (Leviticus 13:30); “amerce” (Deuteronomy 22:19); “tabret” (Genesis 31:27); “neesings” (Job 41:18); “suretiship“ (Proverbs 11:15); “collops” (Job 15:27); “trow” (Luke 17:9); “cieled” (Haggai 1:4); “blains” (Exodus 9:9); “wen” (Leviticus 22:22); “cotes” (2 Chronicles 32:28); “crookbackt” (Leviticus 21:20); “wantonness” (Romans 13:13); “ambassage” (Luke 14:32); “wimples” (Isaiah 3:22); and “habergeon” (Exodus 28:32).

I’ve been preaching for seventeen years, but even I have to work hard to figure out what these words mean. I can only imagine what young people think of the Bible when they run into such words while reading it. Since translation teams devote their lives to putting the Bible into the common languages of indigenous groups around the world, shouldn’t we do the same for our young folks here at home?

Frankly, I don’t claim to have all the answers in the traditional vs. contemporary debate. But what I do know is that if we want our kids to understand the word of God and the great doctrinal truths it conveys, we have to give them translations and spiritual songs that speak the way they do. The critic would call this more of the “dumbing down” of our society, but I just can’t justify holding 21st century kids (or adults for that matter) to the language standards of the 17th, 18th, or 19th centuries.

If I know anything about God, I know that He is alive and vibrant, always pushing ahead and moving on to the next thing. Jesus refused to be trapped by so many of the “traditions” of His day, and He hasn’t changed. Our Lord is in the business of reaching all people with His message, and as such He doesn’t want to be held hostage to archaic language that doesn’t speak in a clear, easily understood way to the people of the day. That is especially true when it comes to highly impressionable young people. I’m not saying that we should abandon the time-honored hymns or the K.J.V. translation. As long as large numbers of people still prefer these, there’s no reason to exclusively embrace the contemporary. But, on the other hand, let’s not drive into the other ditch by automatically labeling anything “new” as “bad.” Our young folks need us to be more discerning than that.

January 15, 2010 Posted by russellmckinney | Bible Study, Children, King James only, Music, Scripture, Worship, balance | , , , , , , , , | No Comments Yet

Royce’s Birthday

Yesterday was my youngest’s birthday. Royce was born on December 21st, 2000, which makes him nine years old now. December 21st is the winter solstice, that day that fascinated superstitious cultures enough to build entire winter festivals around it. On December 21st, 2012 Royce will be twelve years old. That’s how old Jesus was when Joseph and Mary found him in Jerusalem’s temple sitting in the midst of Judaism’s most brilliant minds, listening to them and asking them questions (Luke 2:41-50). December 21st, 2012 is also the day the ancient Mayan calendar stops. I’m sure all these facts link together somehow in regards to Royce. I’m just not sure how.

Royce is the son I never expected to have. All along “he” was supposed to be “she.” Isn’t “Rachel” a beautiful name for a girl? But the first time I saw my second child on ultrasound it was very obvious that the name “Rachel” wouldn’t apply. To be honest, I’m still recovering from that initial curveball that Royce threw me. Even after nine years of living with him, studying him, and trying to figure him out, I still find myself frequently asking the question, “Why did he do that?” Tonya says he had to be my polar opposite because my oldest, Ryan, got every last gene and chromosome that I had to give. Since Ryan is my clone, I can’t argue with that logic.

Yesterday was a case in point of how differently Royce and I think. For his birthday, I wanted to load up the four of us and drive an hour to a place called Fun Depot. Maybe you’ve seen these kind of places. It’s a warehouse-type facility that offers video games, skeetball, putt-putt, laser tag, batting cages, and jungle gyms. A kid can lose a whole day there just running around like a wild man. I thought, “Royce will love this idea.”     

From the onset, though, Tonya had her doubts about that being the best gift we could give him. He’d been talking about how much he’d like to have a friend over for his birthday. So, we called him into the living room and laid out the two options. After explaining that taking a friend with him to Fun Depot wasn’t on the list, he chose to have a friend come to the house and spend the day.

The whole experience served as a reminder to me that our classes in parenting are never out. Even as we teach our kids, they teach us. They teach us that we can’t predict their every move. They teach us that each child is unique and must be allowed to grow and blossom in his or her own way. They teach us that our preferences are not necessarily their preferences. They teach us that we should stay on our knees in prayer, asking God for guidance as to how to raise them rightly.  

Royce had a good 9th birthday. I’m sure he will remember it. I went and picked up his little friend and brought him to the house. I followed that up by going to the grocery store and buying one of those cookie-cakes that Royce loves so much. Then I went to MacDonalds and brought back some grub. Royce dove into the french fries, opened his presents with glee, blew out the candles on the cookie-cake, and had a blast playing with his buddy for a few hours.

Late last night, just before Royce went to bed, Tonya asked him to name his favorite part of his birthday. He immediately chose having his friend over. That verified one more time to me that we’d carried out the right birthday plan. I don’t know if we’ll ever make it to Fun Depot, but I do know that we did exactly what we were supposed to do yesterday. After all, a kid only gets one 9th birthday in life, and you ought to let him spend it the way he wants to spend it.

December 22, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Children, Fatherhood, Parenting, Personal | , , , , , , , , | No Comments Yet

A Word To The Adults

This morning I had the privilege of speaking at the chapel service of our local Tri-County Christian school. I’ll admit that it wasn’t an easy assignment. You try coming up with something that will keep the attention of grades ranging from K-12.

We all read Matthew 26:36-44 together and I spoke on the subject of surrending yourself completely to God’s will. I talked about the “nevertheless” way of living. That idea comes from Christ’s garden of Gethsemane prayer: “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” If those young people could just get hold of that concept right there, I will have accomplished much this morning.    

After I left the school, I found myself thinking about Ecclesiastes 12:1: “Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, before the difficult days come, and the years draw near when you say, ‘I have no pleasure in them.’” As for the days of my own youth, I remembered my Creator to some degree, but my track record was a few billion miles from being perfect. My prayer for the kids of Tri-County Christian school is that their efforts at serving the Lord during their younger days will far outdo anything previous generations have done.

In the end, much of what today’s kids do or don’t do will depend upon what kind of mentoring and guidance they receive from us adults. That’s why we must never stop remembering our Creator, no matter how old we get. God desires the obedience. We need the blessings that come from such obedience. And our young people need the role models. You see, it’s a win-win-win situation. So, adult, I ask you: What kind of a role model are you? Think about it.

December 2, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Character, Children, Doing Good, God's Will, Holiness, Parenting, Personal Holiness | , , , , , , , | No Comments Yet

The Christian As A Teacher

Today’s post concerns teaching. Since I am a parent, a pastor, and a coach, and my wife is a school teacher, this one hits close to home. Here are three illustrations.   

#1: A man was attempting to house train his dog. Every time the dog made a mess in the house, he threw the dog out the window as punishment. After about three weeks, someone asked him how the training was coming along. He said, “That dumb dog – now every time he makes a mess he finishes up by jumping out the window.”

#2: A teenage girl took first-aid training. A few days later she burst into the house and said, “Mother, I just saw a terrible accident and I used my first-aid training.” The proud mother, with visions of her darling heroically giving someone mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, said, “Oh, honey, that’s wonderful. What did you do?” The girl said, “When I saw the blood, I sat down and put my head between my knees so I wouldn’t pass out.” 

#3: The starting quarterback on the high school team got injured and the team had to send in an untested freshman to replace him. Normally the freshman was the team’s punter. The coach didn’t trust him to run the offense and so he said to him, “Just hand the ball off to Jones, our big fullback, for three plays and then punt.” The eager freshman said, “Got it, coach” and ran onto the field.

On the first play, Jones ripped off a long run. The hometown crowd roared. The next play Jones rumbled for another big chunk of yards. The crowd roared again. The next play Jones ran the ball all the way down inside the one yard line, just inches away from a touchdown. The crowd went into a frenzy.

Then the team lined up for the next play. The freshman quarterback took the snap, dropped back a couple of yards, and punted the ball through the endzone up into the stands. As the team came off the field, the beside himself coach grabbed the young quarterback and screamed, “What in the world were you thinking when you punted that ball?” The youngster said, “I was thinking, ‘we sure do have a dumb coach.’”

Teaching gets trying at times, doesn’t it? But let’s keep at it, especially in the realm of Christian teaching. As Solomon attempted to teach his son, Rehoboam, about the dangers of adultery, he told him to obey his words so the young man wouldn’t have to say, “How I have hated instruction, and my heart despised correction! I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me! I was on the verge of total ruin” (Proverbs 5:12-14). Right there is the highest motivation for Christian teaching: to keep someone from spiritual ruin.

There is a debate as to who wrote the Bible’s book of Hebrews. Whoever it was, though, wrote under the inspiration of God (2 Timothy 3:16). In Hebrews 5:12, the writer rebukes the Jewish Christians to whom he is writing. And what does he rebuke them for? It is for not being spiritually far enough along to be TEACHERS of the word of God. Those Christians had been saved long enough to become capable of teaching God’s word, but they hadn’t done their “learning” and still needed to be taught themselves.

Whatever else we might say about this verse, let the record show that God wants Christians to be teachers of His word. This doesn’t mean that it’s His will for every Christian to be a pastor, Sunday School teacher, missionary, theologian, or seminary professor. It does mean, though, that each Christian should be doing his or her part to instruct others in what “Thus saith the Lord.”

How are you doing on that, Christian? Can you tactifully weave the teachings of God’s word into everyday conversation? If you have children, do you make a point of telling them what the Bible says about controversial issues? Are you a well of scriptural instruction to your friends, acquanitances, and coworkers? Your answer to each of these questions should be, yes. And in case you are wondering why this is such a big deal, let me remind you that you never know but what your teaching might just save someone from spiritual ruin.

September 29, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Bible Study, Children, God's Will, Influence, Parenting, Scripture, Teaching, The Bible | , , , , | No Comments Yet

Idolatry In Early Bloom (a word about youth sports)

When you are the father of an athletic twelve-year old and eight-year old, you know more than you want to know about gyms, football fields, baseball diamonds, and soccer fields. You know how time consuming those places are. You know how much gas it takes to get to them. You know how much it costs for your kid to not only be there but be wearing the cool garb all the other kids are wearing. You’re life is not your own. You lost it all over again when they handed you the latest schedule. Of course, it’s been so long since you had it, you barely remember those days anyway.

A Christian with any degree of spiritual discernment can understand that sports has reached the status of idolatry in this country. But what many don’t understand is just how far down into the age brackets the idolatry has worked itself. A World Series in which the President throws out the first pitch and each player on the field is a millionaire is just the tip of the iceberg. A Super Bowl that offers Bruce Springsteen as halftime entertainment doesn’t paint the full picture. Neither does a Final Four where hundreds of fans have spent a couple weeks worth of paychecks just to sit in the nosebleed section of a dome and watch the games on a big screen. The fact is, the idolatry is in early bloom all the way down into the youth leagues.

The same parent who doesn’t mind calling in sick to work over a mere sniffle turns into Indiana Jones to get a kid to a game early Saturday morning. “Here’s the assignment, Dr. Jones, should you choose to accept it: Drag your child out of bed over protest (no bullwhip, please), get a uniform on the deadhead, grab a few Pop Tarts (the real breakfast of champions) on your way out the door, climb into the family truckster, exceed the speed limit, commit at least two cases of road rage, get to the site one minute after you were supposed to be there, watch the game and see your kid not do what he has been coached to do, drive back home as you fuss at the kid for not doing what he has been coached to do, and then spend the rest of your Saturday collapsed around the house trying to recover from the assignment.” Any takers? The hands of parents go up all over the countryside.

You say you are up for a sequel? Fine, let’s toss around a few more ideas. We could have Indy be forced to hunt down and buy a new, expensive football helmet because the one they gave his kid for standard issue looks like something Dick Butkus turned in at the end of the 1967 Chicago Bears season. Or we could have the coach of Indy’s kid suggest that Indy buy a lighter bat for the kid because the team has only three bats and none of them is light enough. And then, after Indy has shelled out $250 for the new bat, we’ll have three or four other kids on the team want to use it. Now we’re talking! And Indy will have to teach his child the lesson of sharing with those who haven’t contributed one dime to the cause. Oh, baby, I smell Oscar!

If I sound like I have an intimate knowledge of youth league sports, it’s because, for years now, I’ve moved through my calendar year by rotating from one youth sport to the next. In the spring and summer, it’s been baseball. In the fall, it’s been soccer and football. In the winter, it’s been basketball. I’ve been a head coach and an assistant coach. I’ve been a parent and a fan. I’ve been involved with everything from recreation league teams that didn’t win a game to “travel” teams made up exclusively of all-stars. And what has all of my experience taught me? I point you back to my earlier assertion: Youth sports is oftentimes nothing less than idolatry in early bloom.

I really don’t know what else to call it. One of the definitions that Webster’s Dictionary gives for “idol” is: “Any object of passionate devotion.” One of the definitions it gives for “idolatry” is: “Excessive love or veneration for any person or object.” An idol doesn’t have to be a graven image standing in your backyard. It doesn’t have to be a golden statue in the midst of an elaborate temple. An idol can be anything upon which you pour an inordinate amount of time, energy, money, and zeal.

Show me a father who won’t put a dime in the church offering plate but will gladly pay $175 for his kid to have that hot new pair of Nike basketball shoes, and I’ll show you an idol worshipping father. Show me a mother who won’t volunteer to do anything at church but thinks nothing of working the concession stand at the ball field or baking cookies for the fundraiser for her child’s soccer team, and I’ll show you an idol worshipping mother. Even if the father or mother is a Christian, it’s hard to deny that their purest worship goes to youth sports, not Jesus.

Just as some churches have “children’s church” or “wee worship” to train their children how to worship in the sanctuary with the adults, our society does the same kind of thing with the worship of sports. We use youth leagues to get our children ready to worship at the larger athletic stages. When a child never sees a parent praying, but often sees the parent arguing umpires’ calls, the child gets the message: Arguing umpires’ calls is important; prayer isn’t. When a child never sees a parent reading the Bible, but the parent knows the league rulebook from A to Z, the child gets the message: Knowing the rulebook is important; knowing the Bible isn’t. Kids aren’t stupid, and they pay more attention than we realize. It doesn’t take them long to figure out where our priorities lie. Once they’ve done this, all they have to do is embrace those same priorities and grow up. That’s how you build adults who worship sports more than Christ.

So, what should you, as the Christian parent of a child involved in youth sports, do about this problem? Let me suggest three things. Bear in mind that I don’t pretend this is an all-inclusive list. I offer it merely as an attempt to help you put on your thinking cap.

First, do an honest-to-goodness self-evaluation. Be real as to how big the problem is in your life. I know some Christian parents who genuinely have youth sports in a right perspective and balance. On the other hand, I know others who are way out of the banks on this issue. Where are you? Compare what you do for youth sports to what you do for your Savior. As the old saying goes, the first step is admitting you have a problem. If you have one, admit it.

Second, sit down with your child and ask questions you never ask. “Do you still enjoy playing this sport?” “Are you playing because you want to play or because you think I want you to play?” “Do you dread going to practice or the games?” “Has playing this sport made you more confident or less confident?” You might be surprised at the answers you get. Never take away a sport your child enjoys playing, but don’t make the child keep playing if the experience has turned painfully sour. It’s true that kids sometimes need to be pushed, particularly kids who are naturally lazy. But it’s also true that some parents keep their kids playing because to let them quit would be embarrassing to the parents, not the kids.

Third, get your worship back into proper alignment by rededicating yourself to Christ. This will knock youth sports off the throne of your life and give Jesus back His rightful place. If you will make this one big decision, it will take care of so many little decisions. Does Jesus want you to make a fool of yourself by arguing with an umpire? No. Does He want you to pull your child away from church Sunday after Sunday because your travel team plays in weekend tournaments that keep you constantly on the road and out of town? No. Does He want you to make your child keep playing a sport simply because if the child doesn’t keep at it he will never make the high school team? No. You see, once you have rededicated yourself to Jesus, that familiar question, “What would Jesus do?” takes on a whole new importance. If Jesus wouldn’t do something, you shouldn’t do it.

Perhaps by now you’re thinking that I’ve been reading either your mind or your mail. I haven’t. It’s just that, as I said, I know this subject very well. And, despite the conclusion you may have already drawn about me, I do know that sports doesn’t automatically equate to idolatry. Sports is fine when kept within acceptable parameters. It can even be a great thing. It promotes exercise, teaches teamwork, and rewards extra effort. It’s only when sports gets taken to the point of fanaticism, craze, and downright absurdity that it becomes idolatry. In that case, it has no place in the life of the Christian.

In the end, I certainly don’t expect our society to repent of its ways. I’ll bank on seeing a stadium full of people, on a Sunday at 1:00 p.m., in frigid weather, cheering wildly at a Pittsburgh Steelers or Green Bay Packers game this season. Those folks won’t all have just come from Sunday morning services either. We Christians, however, must reserve our worship for Jesus. More than that, we must show our kids just how devoted we are to Him. If that involves adjusting our mindset, so be it. If it involves missing a game, so be it. If it involves the extreme of quitting a sport, so be it. We must do whatever is necessary to bring every area our lives, including the area of youth sports, under the lordship of Christ. This won’t just help our kids; it will help us. And, after all, aren’t we the ones who are supposed to be molding and shaping them?

September 11, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Children, Church attendance, Fatherhood, God's Will, Parenting, Priorities, Sports | , , , , , | No Comments Yet

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