What Two Boys Can Teach Us About Christmas

December 19, 2011 1 Comment

One of my favorite Christmas illustrations is a true story that took place many years ago in Paines Hollow, New York. There was a thirteen-year-old boy who attended Mohawk Central School in that city. One year, at Christmastime, he heard an appeal for contributions to Santa Claus Anonymous, a group that provided gifts for poor children who would otherwise not receive any Christmas presents. The boy truly felt for the underprivileged children and desperately wanted to contribute some money to the cause. So he scrimped and saved wherever he could and managed to come up with fifteen cents to contribute. He figured that it wasn’t much but at least it was something.

But on the last day before school dismissed for Christmas vacation a blizzard buried the area in snow. The buses couldn’t run, which meant that the boy couldn’t get to school to put in his fifteen cents. Undeterred, he made the long walk through the deep snow to personally deliver the money to the school principal. As the principal graciously accepted the meager offering, he could barely hold back the tears in his eyes. You see, that boy was one of the impoverished children on the list to receive a Christmas present from Santa Claus Anonymous.

Last Thursday night our oldest son Ryan had a j.v. basketball game. Tonya and I went to the game, but we left our ten-year-old, Royce, with Tonya’s parents. When we got back, I went and picked up Royce. It wasn’t long before I learned that he had surprises for me, Tonya, and Ryan. He wouldn’t tell me what the surprises were. All I knew was that he had them hidden in a bag. I would have to wait until we got home for the big revealing.

Once we were home, Royce excitedly got us all gathered into the bedroom and began handing out the surprises. They were Christmas ornaments that he had gotten Tonya’s parents to buy when they had taken him to a store that night. Ryan got the ornament that looked like a fish because he loves fishing. Tonya got the one that said “World’s Greatest Mom.” I got the one that had the Bible on it because I am a preacher.

Were these ornaments expensive? No way. We’re not talking Hallmark collectibles here. Had Royce used his own money to pay for them? Not a chance. Grandpa and Grandma wouldn’t hear of him paying for anything! But were those ornaments wonderful? Absolutely. The fact that they came from our little boy’s giving heart made them priceless. I was so proud of him for somehow instinctively understanding something that most of us forget: It is better to give than to receive. By the way, if that sounds familiar, it’s a quote from Jesus. Go read Acts 20:35 for your Christmas homework and let its words keep you in the right spirit this holiday season.

Filed under Attitude, Children, Christmas, giving Tagged with , , , ,

A Little Bit Of Rambling From A Tired Parent

November 29, 2011 Leave a Comment

It’s been a week since I last posted anything. The delay hasn’t been because I’ve run out of anything to say, but rather because I just haven’t had the time to sit down and write. Last week, of course, featured Thanksgiving day and Black Friday. That put the boys home from school, which doesn’t exactly help the writing process. We also had the big family meal at our house Thursday. Wednesday saw a lot of preparation for that and Friday saw a lot of recovering from it. I spent much of Saturday finishing up my Sunday morning sermon, and then yesterday featured a lot of errands topped off with Ryan’s j.v. basketball game.

I could say that it’s a busy time of year, but that would imply that there is one that isn’t busy. When you have two boys who each play three sports, you don’t get an off season. I sometimes find myself looking forward to the time when they’ll be out on their own. Then I have to remind myself that I should be savoring these days when we are all under one roof.

When I take a bird’s eye view of my life, the days of having the boys at home are a relatively small percentage of it. Since Ryan is three-and-a-half years older than Royce, let’s approximate those days at 25 years. Even that is giving both boys credit for checking in at home occasionally while they attend college. (And, yes, I do expect them to go to college.) So if I live to be 75 years old, 25 years would be one-third of my life.

But isn’t it funny how that one-third is intense enough to dwarf the remaining two-thirds? It kind of reminds me of what I said about our big family meal last Thursday. It takes you a while to prepare for it and it takes you a while to recover from it.

Please understand that the last thing I’m doing here is complaining about having kids. Truly, I’m in full agreement with Psalm 127:3-5, which says:

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The Fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

I’m merely pointing out the obvious fact that the daily grind of raising kids can wear you down. For example, for Christmas to be a magical season for them, moms and dads have to make it happen. And there’s certainly nothing magical about shopping malls, traffic jams, and spending money, is there?

It’s interesting that those verses from Psalm 127 describe grown children as being both weapons and protectors for their father. The passage refers to them as arrows, which makes them weapons. But what does it mean that they “shall speak with their enemies in the gate”? Well, in Bible times they didn’t have courthouses, law offices, or register of deeds offices. A city’s legal transactions were conducted at its gates by the elders. Disputes were settled there as well. So speaking with an enemy in the gate would have amounted to representing your father in a legal dispute between your father and his enemy. That, you see, covers the idea of children playing the role of protectors.

I have to say that I like the sounds of all that. When I’m older I’ll no doubt need not only some weaponry but also some protection, and these will be two of my rewards for doing a good job at child-rearing. Until then, though, I’m still looking at a lot of work and expense. Are there joys and blessings along the way? Sure, far more than I could name. I mean, it’s not like everything about the task falls under the category of “grind.” And, furthermore, I fully understand that my responsibilities as a parent won’t end when the boys leave home. Trust me, I have no plans to abandon them when they get to be adults. I guess today I’m just feeling a little run down. I probably need a vacation. It would do me and Tonya some good to get away for a while. Then again, the last vacation we took we had Ryan and Royce right there with us in the van. Oh well, forget that.

Filed under Aging, Children, Christmas, Fatherhood, Parenting, Personal, Reward, Thanksgiving, Uncategorized, Work Tagged with , , , , ,

The Power of a Word of Praise

September 30, 2011 Leave a Comment

Benjamin West was a famous British artist in the 1700s. He also served as the president of the prestigious Royal Academy of Arts. He was especially known for his paintings of historical scenes.

West first become aware of his artistic talents on a day when his mother had him babysit his younger sister Sally. While his mother was gone, he discovered some bottles of colored ink and attempted to keep Sally amused by painting her portrait. In doing so, he made quite a mess. When his mother returned he expected to be reprimanded. Instead she deliberately looked beyond the mess, picked up the rather crude painting, smiled, and said, “Why, it’s Sally!” From that point on, she became his greatest source of encouragement concerning his talent. He would often say, “My mother’s kiss made me an artist.”

We have no idea just how much influence we can have over the lives of others. A well-timed word of praise can go such a long way in building a person’s confidence. Likewise, an ill-timed word of criticism can go such a long way in destroying that confidence. The single greatest thing that my father ever said to me was, “I’ve seen all these ballplayers around here, and you can play with any of them.” To this day I remember how that one sentence made me feel. It made me feel like I was as good a ballplayer as anyone in our county. Maybe that wasn’t true, but that didn’t stop me from feeling it.

Jay Orr was my pastor when I felt God’s call to the ministry. I will always be indebted to Jay for helping me to yield to that call and fulfill my God appointed role in life. And there was one line from Jay that especially found a home in my heart. We were sitting in his car talking, and he looked me squarely in the eye and said, “Well, you’re preacher material.” The funny thing is that I’m sure that Jay doesn’t even remember saying that to me. But I certainly remember it.

So the purpose of this post is to get you to find someone today and brag on them a little. You don’t have to make a big deal out of it, and I definitely don’t want you to lie. But chances are that you’ll cross paths with someone today who you can sincerely praise for something. Perhaps it will be your child. Perhaps it will be someone who looks up to you. All I’m saying is, whoever it is, a budding artist, ballplayer, or preacher, you just never know the lifelong impact you might make.

Filed under Children, Communication, Encouragement, Fatherhood, Influence, Motherhood, Parenting, Personal, Sports, Youth Tagged with , , , , , ,

1,500 Sheep

September 19, 2011 Leave a Comment

Not too many years ago the Associated Press ran a story that came out of Gavas, a town in eastern Turkey. According to the story, one sheep from a very large flock walked to the edge of a cliff and jumped to its death. A second sheep soon followed. Then a third. Then a fourth. Then a fifth. The A.P. report read:

“Stunned Turkish shepherds, who had left the herd to graze while they had breakfast, watched as nearly 1,500 others followed, each leaping off the same cliff.”

Incredibly, only 450 of the sheep died. The rest survived because their fall was cushioned by the bodies of the sheep that had jumped before them.

Here’s a typical parent-child conversation:

Jimmy: “Dad, can I take my skateboard and try a triple-spin reverse off the front porch?”

Dad: “No!”

Jimmy: “Why not? Tommy does it.”

Dad: “If Tommy jumped off a cliff, would you follow him?”

That comeback about jumping off a cliff really is the classic reason that parents use to keep a kid from caving in to peer pressure, isn’t it? It reminds me of the old “You’ll shoot your eye out” line from the movie A Christmas Story. Little Ralphie says, “That deadly phrase honored many times by hundreds of mothers was not surmountable by any means known to Kid-dom.”

Truth be told, though, parents have to warn their kids about jumping off cliffs because peer pressure is such a powerful force. In his book There’s A Sheep Born Every Second, David Kirkwood uses that A.P. story about those sheep and writes, “Imagine the peer pressure that last sheep must have felt. Surely 1,499 sheep can’t be wrong, can they?”

Since I’m currently raising a freshman and a 5th-grader myself, I feel that I can speak with some expertise on this subject. And apparently, if all the reports I’ve heard are true, there are some IDIOT parents running around out there. These parents lower the bar on standards, set bad precedents, create dangerous trends, and (in my humble opinion) should have their parenting licenses revoked.

So today’s post is a word of encouragement to all you parents who are still trying to hold the line. Keep up the good work. Don’t make the mistake of giving in to peer-pressure yourself, the pressure other parents put on you to let your kids: watch anything they want to watch, listen to anything they want to listen to, wear anything they want to wear, think anything they want to think, say anything they want to say, go anywhere they want to go, buy anything they want to buy, and do anything they want to do. Can 1,499 sheep be wrong? You’d better believe they can! And that’s why you can’t let your child be number 1,500.

Filed under Children, Choices, Courage, Desires, Dress and Appearance, Fatherhood, Motherhood, Parenting, Youth Tagged with , , , , , , ,

Tonya’s Birthday

September 14, 2011 5 Comments

Today is my wife Tonya’s birthday, and so I’d like to devote this post to her. I thought it would be fun to describe a typical day in her life, and since my day-to-day memory only lasts for about one day, I’ll describe yesterday. Here goes.

Just as she does every school morning, Tonya got up sometime around 5:45 a.m. I use the word “sometime” because it’s not like I woke up with her and got the official time. Once up, she had until 7:00 a.m. to: get herself ready, wake up our ten-year-old son Royce (he’s easy), wake up our fourteen-year-old son Ryan (he’s hard), make sure the boys got ready for school, fix a little breakfast, and get everyone loaded into our Dodge Caravan. She dropped Ryan off at Mitchell High School around 7:10, dropped Royce off at Gouge Elementary School around 7:20, and then reported for duty at Bowman Middle School to spend her day teaching math to 7th and 8th graders who typically don’t care about learning it.

The general idea is that her day at Bowman ends at 3:00 p.m., but that’s laughable. It’s always an after-school meeting, some work she’s got to finish, or something. Usually she doesn’t leave Bowman until after 3:30, and many days it’s not until after 4:00. Yesterday she must have left around 3:30 because she got home around 3:45. When she gets home in the afternoon, she has Royce with her because he rides a bus from Gouge to Bowman and stays in her classroom until she’s ready to leave. He’s supposed to do his homework during that time, but don’t get me started on that.

Anyway, yesterday I think that Tonya’s first words to me when she got home were, “I’ve got to be back at Bowman no later than 5:15.” I didn’t even bat an eye at that comment because I knew the deal. Every teacher at Bowman Middle School has to sign up to work three of Bowman’s home football games. Over the years, Tonya has done everything from collecting money at the gate to working in the concession stand. But, believe it or not, her favorite job is being a member of “the chain gang.” For those of you who don’t know football, “the chain gang” are the people who stand on the sidelines and handle the chains that are used to determine whether or not a team got the necessary ten yards for a first down. It’s usually men who work those chains, but for some odd reason Tonya likes doing it. I guess she likes the action of being down on the field.

“And where is her husband while all this is going on?,” you ask. Oh, he’s busy too. First, I had to get Royce to his 5th-6th grade football practice at 5:30. I’m an assistant to the assistant coach’s assistant for that team. Second, I had to leave that practice and go pick Ryan up from his j.v. football practice at 6:00. Third, since Ryan wanted to catch the last part of the Bowman game, I had to drop him off there on my way back to Royce’s practice. While at Bowman, I walked up on the field and briefly spoke to Tonya as she worked the chains. Since I hadn’t any supper, I was thrilled when she offered me half a bag of popcorn and half a Pepsi. I thoroughly enjoyed both as I drove over to Royce’s practice.

That practice lasted until 7:30, but Tonya and Ryan showed up to it around 7:15. Bowman’s game had ended (they beat Avery 30-6, had to get that in), and now the question of supper had to be officially addressed because Ryan was gnawing the dash of the van. The classic McDonalds option was tossed around, but I just wasn’t in the mood for another Big Mac. So we decided that the best plan was for Tonya and Ryan to go to the grocery store. We needed some stuff for the house anyway. They were still at the store when Royce’s practice finished up, and so I called her and told her to buy a frozen pizza for me and him. Ryan ended up going with some frozen Chinese dish that he later regretted. As usual once she’s in a grocery store, Tonya thought of plenty of other things that we needed. All told, the bill ended up being over $60. We’d have gotten out a lot cheaper at McDonalds. And what did Tonya have for supper? She fixed herself some popcorn. Yes, the woman loves her popcorn.

Well, by the time everyone had finished their supper it was after 9:00. Brilliantly, I had made Royce take his bath while we’d been waiting for Tonya and Ryan to get home from the store. So he was almost ready for bed. At least that’s what I thought. But along about 9:30 I heard Tonya reading to him as she helped him finish up his homework. I thought to myself, “Okay, once she’s finished with that she’ll go to bed herself.” That’s not what happened, though. At 9:45 she walked into the dining room and told Ryan to get in there. It was time to put the finishing touches on his miniature bust of the Roman emperor Constantine. (Honestly, you can’t make this stuff up.)

For one of his classes, Ryan has been working on a report on Constantine. As part of the assignment, he had to create a small bust of the man. Well, I was willing to help him sort through the high points of the emperor’s life, but you might as well ask me to build a space shuttle as create a bust. My best attempt would no doubt have involved the purchasing of a Mister Potato Head kit.

Ah, but Tonya does have a touch of that arts and crafts thing about her, and she stepped up to the plate and helped Ryan out. So there they were, at a few minutes past 10:00, sitting at our dining room table, painting the finishing touches onto the great Constantine. By the way, those are the types of things for which we use our dining room table. For us to actually eat off it, it would have to be excavated, cleared, and thoroughly cleaned. Such is family life in this modern world.

Well, with Constantine formally finished up around 10:15, Tonya was finally allowed to brush her teeth and literally drop into bed. For the record, I’ve never met anyone in my life who falls asleep as quickly as she does. Being a night owl myself, I have no idea why she can’t sit up late with me. Just kidding, of course. Seriously, I have no idea how the woman does all that she does. All I know is that she was back at it again at 5:45 this morning.

I’ll close now with some verses that are highly relevant to all this:

1. And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” (Genesis 2:18)

2. He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)

3. Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. (Proverbs 31:10)

Tonya will no doubt get a kick out of me citing anything from Proverbs 31:10-31. Every time I have a congregation turn to that text, she just groans and thinks, “It’s impossible to live up to the standard that passage describes.” Well, honey, I don’t tell you this enough, but don’t ever doubt that you do live up to it each and every day. Also know that I love you and I’m going to take you out to eat tonight. Of course, we’ll have to take the boys. I promise you, though, that we’ll do a little better than McDonalds. And, hopefully, I’ll be able to give you the one gift that I know you crave the most: being in bed and fast asleep by 9:30. Happy birthday!

Filed under Children, Doing Good, Husbands, Marriage, Parenting, Personal, Service, Sports, Wives, Work Tagged with , , , , ,

Is the Story of Jonah True?

August 10, 2011 Leave a Comment

A little girl got saved during the local church’s summer Bible School. Unfortunately, though, her parents didn’t share her new-found faith in Jesus. They refused to take her to church or even buy her a Bible. So each Sunday morning she walked herself to church, carrying the oversized family Bible under her arm.

As it so happened, her route to church took her past the home of an atheist professor who taught at a university. As he watched the precocious little girl make her way to church each Sunday, he couldn’t help but be touched by her. But in his way of thinking he felt sorry for her because she had bought into all of the nonsense of the Bible and Christianity.

Finally his interest in the girl became too much for him to keep bottled up, and so one bright Sunday morning he went out to meet her and enlighten her. He politely stopped her and said, “Little girl, you don’t really believe that book you are carrying, do you?” She answered, “Yes, I do.” “You mean you believe that story about Jonah living in the belly of a whale?” “Yes, I do.” The professor continued, “But how could Jonah do that?” “I don’t know,” said the girl, “but when I get to heaven I’ll ask him.” To that the professor said, “Oh, but what if Jonah isn’t in heaven?” The little girl thought for a second and said, “Well then you can ask him.”

In my study I have several excellent commentaries on the book of Jonah, commentaries written by conservative Bible-teachers such as James Montgomery Boice, J. Vernon McGee, and Henry Morris. Concerning Jonah being swallowed by the “whale,” these commentators make two main points. First, it would have been simple for the God who created all of creation and performs miracles as simply as you and I breathe to have had Jonah swallowed whole and kept alive. Second, even if we take the miraculous out of play, the whole story is even possible on a naturalistic level.

The Hebrew term that is used to describe the monster is gadol dag, which can generically refer to any kind of large sea creature. For one thing, the creature in question really could have been some kind of whale. For example, the sulphur-bottom whale can reach a size of over one-hundred feet and have a mouth as wide as twelve feet. This whale has multiple compartments in its stomach, any one of which could provide more than ample room for a man to live. The head of the whale can be seven feet high, seven feet wide, and fourteen feet long, and it actually serves as an air storage chamber. Also, this whale has no teeth. It feeds by swimming along with its mouth open, straining out the water, and then swallowing whatever is left.

A sperm whale is another candidate for the creature that swallowed Jonah. Its mouth can be twenty feet long, fifteen feet high, and nine feet wide. According to one well- documented account, in February of 1891 a sailor named James Bartley was lost at sea during an attempt to harpoon a sperm whale in the Falkland Islands region. A short time later the whale was killed and drawn to the side of the ship. There it was worked up and its blubber removed. The following day the stomach was hoisted on deck. When the stomach was opened, Bartley was found unconscious, but alive, inside. He was revived and not long afterward resumed his duties aboard the ship.

Then again, the one that got Jonah didn’t have to be a whale at all. A whale shark, for example, could have fit the bill. In the early 1920s the Literary Digest ran the account of an English sailor who was swallowed by a whale shark in the English Channel. Two days later, the creature was spotted again and killed. When it was cut open, the sailors found the man unconscious but alive. He was rushed to the hospital, only to be discharged a few hours later after being found to be physically fit. In 1926, Dr. Harry Rimmer, the President of the Research Science Bureau of Los Angeles, met the man. Rimmer described his physical appearance as odd. The man was devoid of hair and patches of his skin were covered in a yellowish-brown color.

You see, those who attempt to criticize or explain away the story of Jonah do so at their own peril. The God of the miraculous is certainly not on their debate team. Neither are the historical reports of “Jonahs” from more modern times.

And then, of course, there is the one piece of evidence that should settle all doubt about the matter for the Christian. “What is that piece of evidence?” you ask. It’s the fact that Jesus Himself made a point of putting His stamp of approval on the story of Jonah when He said:

For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish (the classic King James translation goes with the translation of “whale” instead of “fish”, but “fish” is more accurate), so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. (Matthew 12:40, N.K.J.V.)

Filed under Belief, Bible Study, Children, God's Word, Heaven, hell, Scripture, The Bible Tagged with , , , , , , , ,

A True Masterpiece

June 13, 2011 Leave a Comment

An artist visited a museum where one of his masterpieces was on exhibit. As he approached the painting he noticed that the museum had placed one of his earlier, lesser known works beside the masterpiece. He stood there comparing both paintings and began to feel sad. Just then someone recognized him and said to him, “You should be pleased because of the progress you have made.” But the artist didn’t share that opinion. He just smiled somewhat sadly and said, “It grieves me that I realized so little of the promise I showed in my youth.”

Truth be told, many Christians would have to say the same thing about their Christian growth. They showed such promise when they were young! They went to church. They studied the Bible. They prayed. They gave. They witnessed. They lived lives of holiness. But then they got older and ran into some trouble.

When conflict within the church caused them to become disillusioned, they stopped attending. When differing interpretations made studying the Bible harder, they gave up on it. When their prayers weren’t answered to their satisfaction, they quit praying. When their financial situation took a downturn, they eliminated their giving. When they saw no fruit from their witnessing, they hushed. When God didn’t seem to reward the life of holiness, they turned to worldly pursuits and pleasures.

Christian friend, do you find yourself anywhere in this description? If you do, I urge you to find your way back to the fellowship you once had with God. And, please, work on the fellowship before you start working on the service. If you can get the fellowship where it needs to be, the service will inevitably flow, but if the fellowship isn’t there the service will seem like drudgery. Try to rediscover that simple, childlike faith that you once had, a faith that was sincerely shown even in a rhyming prayer: “God is great, God is good. Let us thank Him for our food. By His hands we all are fed. Thank you, Lord, for daily bread. Amen.”

Consider Matthew 18:1-4:

At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Isn’t it fascinating that Jesus said that we must “become as little children” AFTER we are “converted”? Why would He say such a thing? He said it because He knew that we are prone to become more hardened, cynical, and doubtful as we age. The adult life has a way of knocking the childlike faith out of us, and even authentic Christian conversion doesn’t eliminate that tendency. That’s why we adults must become again “as little children.” Is that a tall order? You’d better believe it. But is it one worth meeting? Absolutely, because when we meet it that creates a true masterpiece.

Filed under Adversity, Attitude, Backsliding, Bible Study, Children, Choices, Disappointment, Evangelism, faith, giving, God's Work, perseverance, Personal Holiness, prayer, Problems, salvation, The Bible, trials, Trusting In God, Witnessing, Youth Tagged with , , ,

At What Age Should A Person Marry?

June 7, 2011 Leave a Comment

Here’s a good question: At what age should a person marry? Well, obviously, since each situation is unique, it’s impossible to come up with a “one size fits all” age. But what I want to do with this post is present a Bible case that people getting married as teenagers can be a good thing.

Let me start by quoting Proverbs 5:18-19, which says:

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.

Notice that the man’s wife is specifically described as the wife of his “youth.” We find this same idea in Proverbs 2:17, which describes the immoral adulteress in this way:

Who forsakes the companion of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her God.

The “covenant of her God” refers to the marriage covenant the woman once entered. Notice that she entered into that covenant with “the companion of her youth.” The picture is one of a young couple getting married and the woman cheating on the man sometime when they get older.

Truth be told, it is a simple fact that in Bible times people got married when they were relatively young, typically when they were teenagers. This was especially true for Jewish girls. Since there are no Bible instances of children getting married, there’s no need to get all weird here and take the age down too low.

And now let me give you three practical reasons why I believe that getting married in one’s later teens can be a good thing. Actually, I didn’t even get these from the Bible. They are just real-life facts that back up what the Bible teaches about getting married young.

Reason #1: It is a biological fact that when a young man or woman hits the teenage years, the urge to have sex increases.

I ask you, would God wire us this way and then expect us to resist that urge until we are married at 25 or 30 or whatever? It seems to me that the way He has designed our bodies points to Him being in favor of us getting married relatively young.

Reason #2: The whole idea of sowing your wild oats, getting drunk with your friends, laying out all night, carousing around, and acting like a typical early-twenty-something certainly takes a major hit if you’re married.

Imagine the following conversation:

“Hey, it’s Friday night, let’s go bar-hopping.” “I can’t, me and the wife are headed to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to pick out a shower curtain.”

Or this one:

“Hey, it’s ladies night at the club. Can you go with us?” No, my husband will be home soon and I’ve got to cook some dinner for him.”

Do you see what I mean?

Reason #3: Physically speaking, raising children is a game best played when your body is younger.

When Tonya and I got married, I was 27 and she was 25. When Ryan was born, I was 30 and she was 28. When Royce was born, I was 34 and she was 32. So now Ryan is almost 14, Royce is 10, and I am 44. That means that I speak with some authority when I say that kids and the infinite list of things that you have to do for them absolutely wear you down.

I held up pretty good until I hit 40. That’s when I fell apart physically. And yet I’m far from out of the woods on this raising kids thing. Right now I’m coaching Royce’s baseball team of 9 and 10 year olds. I’m lugging all that equipment in and out of my car. I’m hitting ground balls in practice. I’m crouching down in that catcher’s position to warm up my pitchers. Needless to say, when I get home after a game or a practice, I am done for the day.

The fact is that Tonya and I have often talked about how it would have been better if we’d gotten married when we were younger and been physically younger as we raised our kids. Honestly, if we had our lives to live over again, and we could go back and fix our sins and mistakes (which cost us several years), I think we would get married right out of high school and go to college as a married couple. We dated a lot in high school, and we both know now that it was always God’s will for us to marry each other. So we could have done that right after graduation and then gone to college together.

Someone says, “But Russell, you’ve got a good marriage. How could things have worked out any better than they did?” Are you kidding? The years of my late teens and early twenties were filled with sin and mistakes. Trust me, I’m still feeling the scars those years left on my soul. As a matter of fact, I actually know one couple who did get married right after high school and attend college as husband and wife. They’ve been married for many years now, have kids, hold down solid jobs, and seem perfectly happy and contented. Just think about all the temptations that come with college life, temptations that could be pretty much defanged if you were married.

Now, in closing, there is one last thing that I need to say on this subject. And please hear me well on this: Getting married young doesn’t magically preserve your marriage and mean that you will never get divorced. I hope you understand that if you want your marriage to work the way God intends, you have to make Him the center of it. That applies whether you get married at age 18 or age 98. My whole point with this post has been that the idea of entering into the marriage covenant with the companion of your youth is indeed Biblical. No, it’s not the average mindset in American culture, but that doesn’t automatically make it wrong. To the contrary, with the way America stands spiritually these days, not to mention our high divorce rate and scores of troubled marriages, how can we possibly say that our way is better than the way the Bible describes?

Filed under adultery, Bible Study, Children, God's Will, Marriage, Parenting, The Bible Tagged with , , , ,

Summer Vacation

May 30, 2011 1 Comment

It’s Memorial Day, and I want to wish each of you a great holiday. Let me also encourage you to spend some time thinking about the reason for this holiday. The freedoms we enjoy in this country have never come cheap and still don’t. Thousands upon thousands of American soldiers have paid the ultimate price to keep those freedoms in place. Please don’t let their sacrifice get completely lost in all the vacations, barbecues, picnics, etc.

As you know, Memorial Day serves as the unofficial opening of summer, just as Labor Day serves as the unofficial closing. In my county, though, it isn’t so cut and dried because our kids never get Memorial Day off from school. Between all the snow days for which our school schedule has to account, as well as various other factors, the holiday always falls in the last week of the school year. I guess our local officials feel that’s just too close to the end to take a day off. So Memorial Day becomes just another school day. Our real “summer” starts this Friday when the school-bell rings for the last time.

If everything goes off as planned, it will be a typically busy summer for me, Tonya, and the boys. Right now I have a couple more weeks coaching Royce’s recreation- league baseball team for the 9 and 10 year olds. The past couple of summers he has played on our county’s all-star team during June and July, but he will be tackling something different this summer. He got a set of jr. golf clubs last Christmas, and he’s going to try his hand at that sport. Sometime in June he’ll get a week’s worth of individualized instruction from the assistant pro at our local public course, and then he’ll attend their golf camp in July. Tonya’s dad Charles was once an excellent golfer and he says that Royce is a natural for the sport. We’ll see. Thus far all my memories of the boy holding a golf club involve me trying to manage him as he persistently ran three or four holes ahead of us on putt-putt courses when he was younger.

As for Ryan, he’ll be playing baseball with a team out of Asheville, which is about an hour away from where we live. He’ll also be attending three days of basketball camp at Clemson with some of our county’s other rising freshman. And let’s not forget about football. Since he’ll be playing on the j.v. team this fall, he has to attend two-hour workouts at the high school on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday all summer. It’s a good thing we live only ten minutes from the school.

In addition to all this, in July we plan to drive down to Myrtle Beach, S.C. for a family vacation. We’re looking forward to that. By then I’m sure that we will need a vacation from the boys’summer vacation. I have no doubt that when I’m older I’ll look back on these days fondly and remember them as good times, but right now they just seem like a lot of time, energy, gas, and money.

Someone asks, “And where is the Lord in all this?” Oh, trust me, He’s right there. Tonya and I really do make a point of praying about summer plans, potential vacation trips, what activities to let the boys pursue, etc. And as best I can tell as of this morning’s prayer, we are smack dab on God’s schedule and itinerary. So, we’ll get on His summer train and try to enjoy all the scenery and blessings of the ride. After all, the boys are only young once and we only get one shot at raising them. I just wish that summer “vacation” involved a lot less doing and a lot more resting.

Filed under Children, Choices, contentment, God's Will, Parenting, Personal, Sports, Trusting In God, Youth Tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

Learning To Really Appreciate the Moment

May 18, 2011 Leave a Comment

The following quote is attributed to “Anonymous”:

First I was dying to finish high school and start college. And then I was dying to finish college and start working. And then I was dying to marry and have children to grow old enough so I could return to work. And then I was dying to retire. And now I am dying…..and suddenly I realize I forgot to live.

As I read those words, I almost feel the need to start sorting through my old sermons, blogs, and articles to make sure that I’m not “Anonymous.” Trust me, that sounds exactly like something that I would say. Sometimes it seems like I spend every day of my life dying to get to the next phase.

There are so many personal examples that I could name here, but I’ll go with the sports “career” of my ten-year-old, Royce. Right now I’m coaching his rec. league baseball team. Even though we are only three games into a little ten-game season, I’m already in countdown mode. Of course, we already have the form to sign him up for football this fall. And no sooner will that sport begin than I will want it completed too. Then will come basketball, which will be same song, third verse. On and on it goes.

Honestly, I have to MAKE myself stop and smell the roses concerning Royce’s ballplaying. When he does something good on the field or court, if I’m not careful I’ll let it get washed away by my impatience. That’s something that I CAN’T LET HAPPEN. I must join him in the moment so we can genuinely have it together. If he makes a great play to get the first out for our defense, I can’t be standing in the dugout thinking, “Okay, only two more outs and this inning is over, three more innings and this game is over, and four more games and this season is over.”

But Anonymous and I aren’t the only people who struggle in this area, are we? Could it be that you are on the list too? Be honest, right now are you dying for something to be over? Are you currently spending far too much time wishing this day, this week, this month, this year, or this “season” was over? Do you really think that whatever that next phase is will find you operating any differently? Speaking from personal experience, I doubt it will.

I have a friend who has a very annoying habit. Whenever you are talking with him, he spends most of the time looking over you to see who else he can spot. (By the way, that’s a problem short people like myself don’t have.) Seriously, even as he is in mid-sentence, he rarely makes eye contact with me. Instead his eyes scan the horizon, looking for his next encounter or conversation. Frankly, I always find that incredibly rude, even though I’ve never told him.

But as I think about it, that’s pretty much how I treat God concerning the various seasons of my life. Here He is, wanting me to join Him in enjoying a particular time or moment, but all I can do is be on the lookout for the next thing. He says, “Wait, there are lessons that I want you to learn right here. There are good memories that I want you to make. There is simple pleasure to be found in the here and now.” But my response is simply, “When do we move on, Lord? Out there is where the good stuff is.” Sound familiar? If it does, I want you to do something for me: Go to God in prayer right now and ask Him to help you appreciate each day and each season for all the wonder it holds. I’ll be taking that good advice myself now that I’m finished with this post.

Filed under Attitude, Children, Fatherhood, God's Omnipresence, Impatience, Parenting, Patience, Personal Tagged with , , , , , , ,

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