As for your question, it’s a big one, too big to do much justice in a short reply box. With that said, I’ll mention three things. First, to love a wife, a husband needs to understand the concept of “servant-leader.” Yes, the term seems to be an oxymoron, but the concept is Biblical. While passages such as 1 Cor. 11:3, Ephesians 5:22-24, Colossians 3:18, and Genesis 3:16 clearly teach the headship of the husband, Ephesians 5:21 says the husband is also to do some submitting. The point is, even though the husband is the God-ordained head of the home, he should use his headship to serve his wife. This doesn’t strip him of his leadership role, but it does help him to wield that leadership in a Godly manner. Of course, Jesus had so much to say about the greatest among us being the one who will serve others. Emptying the dishwasher and taking the clothes out of the dryer are ways in which I serve Tonya. If I didn’t do those jobs, she would have to do them.

Second, to love a wife, a husband needs to understand that love is a verb. The very first time I saw Tonya, I thought she was beautiful, and it wasn’t long before I felt a good case of “teenage love” for her. But if “teenage love” is as far as a relationship ever progresses, a marriage won’t be able to make it. Love can’t just be a fickle emotion, a noun, a thing that can come and go. The fact is, you can make yourself love someone. Genesis 24:67 first says that Rebekah became Isaac’s wife. Then it says that he loved her. The implication is that he married her and then fell in love with her. If every marriage used that order, there wouldn’t be many divorces. I don’t mean to imply that love should be depressing “work.” I’m simply saying that real love will show itself in deeds. It isn’t just a box of candy on Valentine’s Day, it is taking care of the kids when the wife is sick. It isn’t just a red rose on an anniversary, it is taking her to one of “her” movies that you really don’t want to see. Love isn’t always something that just happens. It is something that you create in a relationship.

Third, the husband loves his wife by allowing her to become increasingly beautiful spiritually. Ephesians 5:25-27 teaches that Jesus shows his love for his bride, the church, by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word (the scriptures). This is the example a husband should follow. If his wife isn’t becoming more and more spiritually beautiful, he is failing in his responsbility as the spiritual leader of the home. His job is to bring out the best in her in regards to personal holiness and depth of relationship to Christ. Keep in mind that there is no marriage in heaven, only the marriage between Christ and the church. Therefore, when you get right down to it, the most loving thing a husband can do for his wife is lead her into a closer walk with Christ, which will allow her to receive more rewards at the judgment seat of Christ (1 Cor. 3:11-15; 2 Cor. 5:9-10). Even the best earthly marriage is fleeting, but she’ll get to enjoy the blessings and joys of those rewards throughout eternity.