Russell Mckinney's Blog

Straight Talk About God and Life

The Christian As A Teacher

Today’s post concerns teaching. Since I am a parent, a pastor, and a coach, and my wife is a school teacher, this one hits close to home. Here are three illustrations.   

#1: A man was attempting to house train his dog. Every time the dog made a mess in the house, he threw the dog out the window as punishment. After about three weeks, someone asked him how the training was coming along. He said, “That dumb dog – now every time he makes a mess he finishes up by jumping out the window.”

#2: A teenage girl took first-aid training. A few days later she burst into the house and said, “Mother, I just saw a terrible accident and I used my first-aid training.” The proud mother, with visions of her darling heroically giving someone mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, said, “Oh, honey, that’s wonderful. What did you do?” The girl said, “When I saw the blood, I sat down and put my head between my knees so I wouldn’t pass out.” 

#3: The starting quarterback on the high school team got injured and the team had to send in an untested freshman to replace him. Normally the freshman was the team’s punter. The coach didn’t trust him to run the offense and so he said to him, “Just hand the ball off to Jones, our big fullback, for three plays and then punt.” The eager freshman said, “Got it, coach” and ran onto the field.

On the first play, Jones ripped off a long run. The hometown crowd roared. The next play Jones rumbled for another big chunk of yards. The crowd roared again. The next play Jones ran the ball all the way down inside the one yard line, just inches away from a touchdown. The crowd went into a frenzy.

Then the team lined up for the next play. The freshman quarterback took the snap, dropped back a couple of yards, and punted the ball through the endzone up into the stands. As the team came off the field, the beside himself coach grabbed the young quarterback and screamed, “What in the world were you thinking when you punted that ball?” The youngster said, “I was thinking, ‘we sure do have a dumb coach.’”

Teaching gets trying at times, doesn’t it? But let’s keep at it, especially in the realm of Christian teaching. As Solomon attempted to teach his son, Rehoboam, about the dangers of adultery, he told him to obey his words so the young man wouldn’t have to say, “How I have hated instruction, and my heart despised correction! I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me! I was on the verge of total ruin” (Proverbs 5:12-14). Right there is the highest motivation for Christian teaching: to keep someone from spiritual ruin.

There is a debate as to who wrote the Bible’s book of Hebrews. Whoever it was, though, wrote under the inspiration of God (2 Timothy 3:16). In Hebrews 5:12, the writer rebukes the Jewish Christians to whom he is writing. And what does he rebuke them for? It is for not being spiritually far enough along to be TEACHERS of the word of God. Those Christians had been saved long enough to become capable of teaching God’s word, but they hadn’t done their “learning” and still needed to be taught themselves.

Whatever else we might say about this verse, let the record show that God wants Christians to be teachers of His word. This doesn’t mean that it’s His will for every Christian to be a pastor, Sunday School teacher, missionary, theologian, or seminary professor. It does mean, though, that each Christian should be doing his or her part to instruct others in what “Thus saith the Lord.”

How are you doing on that, Christian? Can you tactifully weave the teachings of God’s word into everyday conversation? If you have children, do you make a point of telling them what the Bible says about controversial issues? Are you a well of scriptural instruction to your friends, acquanitances, and coworkers? Your answer to each of these questions should be, yes. And in case you are wondering why this is such a big deal, let me remind you that you never know but what your teaching might just save someone from spiritual ruin.

September 29, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Bible Study, Children, God's Will, Influence, Parenting, Scripture, Teaching, The Bible | , , , , | Leave a Comment

A Prayer Worth Praying

My good friend Malcolm Woody recently sent me an e-mail that included an awesome prayer. The prayer comes from John Baillie, the Scottish theologian who wrote the classic book A Diary of Private Prayer.  The prayer goes like this:

“Teach me, O’ God, to use all the circumstances of my life today that they may bring forth in me the fruits of holiness rather than the fruits of sin.

Let me use disappointment as material for patience.

Let me use success as material for thankfulness.

Let me use trouble as material for perseverance.

Let me use danger as material for courage.

Let me use reproach as material for longsuffering.

Let me use praise as material for humility.

Let me use pleasures as material for temperance.

Let me use pain as material for endurance.”

The idea behind this prayer is that everything that life brings our way can be harnessed and used in God’s service. There is no circumstance that can’t be redeemed. Good days, bad days, ups, downs, joys, and heartbreaks can all produce what Baillie calls “the fruits of holiness.”

Romans 8:28-29 says: “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.” You see, God makes all things (disappointment, success, trouble, danger, reproach, praise, pleasures, pain, etc.) to work together for good. And what is that “good”? It is the conforming of the Christian to the image of Christ. 

A life filled with nothing but disappointment will conform you to some of the image of Christ but not all of it. A life filled with nothing but success will conform you to some of the image of Christ but not all of it. It really does take the whole gamut of human experiences to conform the Christian to the complete image of the Savior.

Someone once asked a Christian, “Why do you work so hard at trying to be like Jesus?” The Christian answered, “When I get to heaven I will at last be made completely like Him, and I don’t want the change to be such a shock to my system.” That’s the idea! The more we are conformed to Christ’s image in this life the less radical the completion of the conformation will be in the afterlife.

And how do we become more and more conformed to that image in this life? We allow God to use all of life’s varied circumstances to mold and shape us. That’s why John Baillie’s prayer is so worth praying. Why not pray it today? Better yet, why not make it a daily part of your praying? It’s not hard to memorize and it will help you to truly grab hold of the teaching of Romans 8:28-29.

September 25, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | prayer | , , , , | 1 Comment

Sin & Church Attendance

Can you imagine getting drunk Saturday night and then going to church the next morning? Can you imagine rolling out of a bed you share with your live-in lover, getting dressed, and going to church? Can you imagine attending a Sunday night service with beer on your breath? Can you imagine refusing to pay a bill you owe and then trying to worship with the person to whom you owe it?

As a pastor, I’ve had church members do these things. Each time I was left to wonder about the mentality that could create such a situation. I’m sure that Ananias and Sapphira would have some thoughts on this subject. They lied about their level of commitment to the Lord and were struck dead after bringing their offering to the apostles (Acts 5:1-11). Nadab and Abihu would have some thoughts too. They were devoured in flames as they attempted to perform their priestly duties while under the influence of alcohol (Leviticus 10:1-11).      

The hard, cold truth is that if God still imposed such high standards for worship, we’d be seeing a lot of funerals in our churches. The current status quo reminds me of the worshippers of Amos’ day. Even though the northern kingdom of Israel was wicked to the core, the people still faithfully attended their worship services at Bethel and Gilgal. Amos sarcastically mocked these “worship” services by saying, “Come to Bethel and transgress. At Gilgal, multiply transgression” (Amos 4:4).

Far too many Christians seem to have the idea that sprinkling church attendance onto their sins makes those sins more acceptable. A rotten egg is still a rotten egg no matter how much sugar you pour on it. Oh, sure, going to church might ease your conscience and make you feel better about yourself. But God isn’t impressed or amused. Honestly, you can attend a hundred different services in a hundred different churches, but you won’t do any real business with God until you repent of those sins that characterize your life Monday through Saturday.

1 Samuel chapter 15 will preach. God spoke through Samuel and commanded King Saul to utterly destroy the Amalekites. That meant every man, woman, child, ox, sheep, camel, and donkey. But Saul didn’t do that. Instead he took Amalek’s king as a prisoner of war and spared the best of the sheep, oxen, fatlings, and lambs.

When Samuel came out to see Saul, Saul said, “I have performed the commandment of the Lord.” With words dripping of sarcasm, Samuel said, “What then is this bleating of the sheep in my ears and the lowing of oxen which I hear?” Saul answered that he planned to offer them as sacrifices to God. But Samuel told him, “Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than to sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams.”

Samuel was teaching Saul that no amount of “worship” can make up for rank disobedience. You can “play church” all you want, but God will never ignore the fact that He hears the bleating of sheep and the lowing of oxen in your life. As Saul described the spectacular sacrifices he was going to offer up as “worship,” Samuel might as well have said to him, “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you because the fruits of your disobedience are drowning out your voice.”

1 Peter 4:17 says: “For the time has come for judgment to begin at the house of God…” Peter wrote those God-inspired words sometime between A.D. 63-65. That is over nineteen centuries ago! If he could truthfully make that statement in his day, how much more so can we make it today?

Maybe it’s the pastor coming out in me, but I’m tired of Christians who live like hell through the week and then sing the joys of heaven on Sunday. I’m tired of them coming to church to learn more Bible when they flatly ignore the book’s most basic commandments and moral principles. And I’m definitely tired of having to explain the wrongness of the situation to them. If I have to tell you what the problem is, THAT’S part of the problem!

Our churches have become infected with ”sloppy grace.” We’re so scared that somebody will quit, or that somebody else will think poorly of us for letting them quit, that we just wink at all kinds of blatant sin. This, of course, kills our testimony and credibility with outsiders. You see, when personal holiness became optional in the lives of church members, we lost our power. Lost people don’t need another club or organization to join, even if it’s a religious one. They need for the church to be different. They need for it to be what it’s supposed to be. They need for it to be holy ground.  And as things stand now, it isn’t. We’ve got far too much bleating of sheep and lowing of oxen for that.

September 22, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Church attendance, Disobedience, Holiness, Personal Holiness, Repentance, Worship, obedience | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

Temptation’s Wreckers

As a native of North Carolina, I’m interested in interesting bits of information about my state. I’d like to share with you an old legend about Nags Head, a town located on the Outer Banks of eastern North Carolina. This legend has never been officially verified, but it sure makes for a good story.

The legend has it that in the 1700s Nags Head was home to a group of ruthless land pirates known as “wreckers” (sometimes also called “bankers”). These men would hang lanterns around the necks of “nags” (horses or mules) and slowly walk the animals up and down the beach at night. Out in the darkness of the Atlantic, a ship would mistake the bobbing light for the light of another ship. Figuring that the other ship had found safe passage around the shoals just off the island, the ship would turn inland and run aground on Diamond Shoals.

In the morning the “wreckers” would come along and gather up the timber to sell it and make money. The timber was used in everything from building new houses to making kitchen utensils. It was all a thriving business.

Even now visitors to Nags Head are shown old houses that were supposedly built and furnished with the material taken from these shipwrecks. They’re also told that it’s very possible that Nags Head took its name from the practice of hanging the lanterns around the necks of the ”nags.”  Estimates say that over two thousand ships perished off this coast during this time period.

Nags Head is now a tourist town of around 2,700. If it actually ever was a haven for land pirates, those days are long gone. This doesn’t mean, though, that there aren’t still some “wreckers” out there. A “wrecker” is anyone or anything that causes another to sail into dangerous waters. A desirable man or woman can wreck a marriage. A bottle can wreck a life. A dirty business deal can wreck a career. A church leader who doesn’t follow the Lord can wreck a church.

The key to avoiding each of these “shipwrecks” is to accurately recognize the wrecker. Don’t fall for just any light in a dark night. Don’t be so quick to trade the known for the unknown. Don’t be misled by a false reality. 

Most of us have heard the old saying, “God won’t put more on you than you can handle.” I even had a friend once call me and ask me where that verse is in the Bible. Even though the saying’s principle is a sound one, I had to tell my friend that there is no Bible verse that specifically supports the saying. The verse in question actually has to do with temptation. It is 1 Corinthians 10:13, and it says: “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

Please note the teaching of the verse. God will never allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to withstand. Whenever you get close to your breaking point with some form of temptation, you need to look for God’s escape hatch out of that situation. The promise of the verse is that it will be there. 

I don’t know what’s going on in your life right now, but could it be that you are considering sailing off toward some strange light? Are you just about to change your course in life simply because you think this light will lead you into safe waters? Friend, beware the wrecker! If God really wanted you to chart that course, the way would be much clearer and more sure. The night wouldn’t be so dark and the light wouldn’t be so questionable. Rather than turning yourself toward that light, you need to start looking around for God’s way of escape from the temptation. That way will be there and it will keep you from a disastrous shipwreck.

September 17, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Change, Choices, God's Will, Temptation | , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

“Lord, Send Us Rattlesnakes”

Once upon a time there was a family of backslidden church members. They had once been very active in church but lately had fallen away completely. The family consisted of a father and three sons. 

Many people had visited the family and asked them to come back to church. The pastor had paid them a call, as had the deacons. But all the visiting, counseling, encouraging, and rebuking had no effect upon the family.

One day when the boys were working in the field, a big rattlesnake raised up and bit the middle son. The young man became very sick. The doctor was called, and the prognosis was not good. The doctor said, “About all we can do now is pray for him.”

Those words sent the father into a panic and he quickly called for the pastor. The pastor immediately went out to the home and was informed of the desperate situation. The father said, “Please, pastor, we need you to pray.” The pastor said, “Very well.” Then he began.

He prayed, ”Oh wise and all-knowing Father, we thank thee for Thou hast sent this rattlesnake to bite this young man in order to bring him to his senses. He has not been inside the church house for a long time now, and it is doubtful that he has in all that time felt the need for prayer. Now we trust that this will prove a valuable lesson to him and that it will lead to genuine repentance.”

Well, the father and the other two sons were quite surprised at the bluntness of the pastor’s prayer. What they didn’t know was that the pastor was about to get even more blunt. He continued praying, saying, “And now, Father, wilt thou send another snake to bite the older son, another to bite the younger son, and another BIG ONE to bite this father. For we have all been doing everything we know for some time now to restore them to the fellowship of the church, but it’s been to no avail. It seems, therefore, that all of our combined efforts could not do what this snake has done. We thus conclude that the only thing left that will do this family any good is rattlesnakes. So, Lord, send us bigger and better rattlesnakes! In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.”   

In Psalm 119:67, the Psalmist wrote: “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Your word.” People often ask, “Why does God allow His people to suffer?” While there are various reasons, one of the primary ones is that He does it as a means of chastisement. Hebrews 12:8 even says that if we are without chastisement, we are not true children of God.

No loving, right-thinking parent enjoys disciplining a child. We’d much rather see our kids display obedience. But the plain truth is, sometimes kids disobey, and that disobedience must bring painful consequences. If it doesn’t, what’s the incentive for obedience? God understands this better than we do. That’s why He is in the business of disciplining His kids.

Tell me, are you at a loss as to how to pray for a wayward Christian? Is there someone close to you who is legitimately saved but just as legitimately backslidden? If you have such a person in mind, do you love them enough to pray for God to send some “rattlesnake” to afflict them? We’re talking about the final card in the deck here, a ”last straw” request. Yes, it’s tough love taken to a sizable degree. But sometimes a “rattlesnake” can do what nothing else can: Get the person’s attention and bring them back to God.

September 15, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Adversity, Backslidding, Parenting, Rebellion, Repentance, obedience | , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

Idolatry In Early Bloom (a word about youth sports)

When you are the father of an athletic twelve-year old and eight-year old, you know more than you want to know about gyms, football fields, baseball diamonds, and soccer fields. You know how time consuming those places are. You know how much gas it takes to get to them. You know how much it costs for your kid to not only be there but be wearing the cool garb all the other kids are wearing. You’re life is not your own. You lost it all over again when they handed you the latest schedule. Of course, it’s been so long since you had it, you barely remember those days anyway.

A Christian with any degree of spiritual discernment can understand that sports has reached the status of idolatry in this country. But what many don’t understand is just how far down into the age brackets the idolatry has worked itself. A World Series in which the President throws out the first pitch and each player on the field is a millionaire is just the tip of the iceberg. A Super Bowl that offers Bruce Springsteen as halftime entertainment doesn’t paint the full picture. Neither does a Final Four where hundreds of fans have spent a couple weeks worth of paychecks just to sit in the nosebleed section of a dome and watch the games on a big screen. The fact is, the idolatry is in early bloom all the way down into the youth leagues.

The same parent who doesn’t mind calling in sick to work over a mere sniffle turns into Indiana Jones to get a kid to a game early Saturday morning. “Here’s the assignment, Dr. Jones, should you choose to accept it: Drag your child out of bed over protest (no bullwhip, please), get a uniform on the deadhead, grab a few Pop Tarts (the real breakfast of champions) on your way out the door, climb into the family truckster, exceed the speed limit, commit at least two cases of road rage, get to the site one minute after you were supposed to be there, watch the game and see your kid not do what he has been coached to do, drive back home as you fuss at the kid for not doing what he has been coached to do, and then spend the rest of your Saturday collapsed around the house trying to recover from the assignment.” Any takers? The hands of parents go up all over the countryside.

You say you are up for a sequel? Fine, let’s toss around a few more ideas. We could have Indy be forced to hunt down and buy a new, expensive football helmet because the one they gave his kid for standard issue looks like something Dick Butkus turned in at the end of the 1967 Chicago Bears season. Or we could have the coach of Indy’s kid suggest that Indy buy a lighter bat for the kid because the team has only three bats and none of them is light enough. And then, after Indy has shelled out $250 for the new bat, we’ll have three or four other kids on the team want to use it. Now we’re talking! And Indy will have to teach his child the lesson of sharing with those who haven’t contributed one dime to the cause. Oh, baby, I smell Oscar!

If I sound like I have an intimate knowledge of youth league sports, it’s because, for years now, I’ve moved through my calendar year by rotating from one youth sport to the next. In the spring and summer, it’s been baseball. In the fall, it’s been soccer and football. In the winter, it’s been basketball. I’ve been a head coach and an assistant coach. I’ve been a parent and a fan. I’ve been involved with everything from recreation league teams that didn’t win a game to “travel” teams made up exclusively of all-stars. And what has all of my experience taught me? I point you back to my earlier assertion: Youth sports is oftentimes nothing less than idolatry in early bloom.

I really don’t know what else to call it. One of the definitions that Webster’s Dictionary gives for “idol” is: “Any object of passionate devotion.” One of the definitions it gives for “idolatry” is: “Excessive love or veneration for any person or object.” An idol doesn’t have to be a graven image standing in your backyard. It doesn’t have to be a golden statue in the midst of an elaborate temple. An idol can be anything upon which you pour an inordinate amount of time, energy, money, and zeal.

Show me a father who won’t put a dime in the church offering plate but will gladly pay $175 for his kid to have that hot new pair of Nike basketball shoes, and I’ll show you an idol worshipping father. Show me a mother who won’t volunteer to do anything at church but thinks nothing of working the concession stand at the ball field or baking cookies for the fundraiser for her child’s soccer team, and I’ll show you an idol worshipping mother. Even if the father or mother is a Christian, it’s hard to deny that their purest worship goes to youth sports, not Jesus.

Just as some churches have “children’s church” or “wee worship” to train their children how to worship in the sanctuary with the adults, our society does the same kind of thing with the worship of sports. We use youth leagues to get our children ready to worship at the larger athletic stages. When a child never sees a parent praying, but often sees the parent arguing umpires’ calls, the child gets the message: Arguing umpires’ calls is important; prayer isn’t. When a child never sees a parent reading the Bible, but the parent knows the league rulebook from A to Z, the child gets the message: Knowing the rulebook is important; knowing the Bible isn’t. Kids aren’t stupid, and they pay more attention than we realize. It doesn’t take them long to figure out where our priorities lie. Once they’ve done this, all they have to do is embrace those same priorities and grow up. That’s how you build adults who worship sports more than Christ.

So, what should you, as the Christian parent of a child involved in youth sports, do about this problem? Let me suggest three things. Bear in mind that I don’t pretend this is an all-inclusive list. I offer it merely as an attempt to help you put on your thinking cap.

First, do an honest-to-goodness self-evaluation. Be real as to how big the problem is in your life. I know some Christian parents who genuinely have youth sports in a right perspective and balance. On the other hand, I know others who are way out of the banks on this issue. Where are you? Compare what you do for youth sports to what you do for your Savior. As the old saying goes, the first step is admitting you have a problem. If you have one, admit it.

Second, sit down with your child and ask questions you never ask. “Do you still enjoy playing this sport?” “Are you playing because you want to play or because you think I want you to play?” “Do you dread going to practice or the games?” “Has playing this sport made you more confident or less confident?” You might be surprised at the answers you get. Never take away a sport your child enjoys playing, but don’t make the child keep playing if the experience has turned painfully sour. It’s true that kids sometimes need to be pushed, particularly kids who are naturally lazy. But it’s also true that some parents keep their kids playing because to let them quit would be embarrassing to the parents, not the kids.

Third, get your worship back into proper alignment by rededicating yourself to Christ. This will knock youth sports off the throne of your life and give Jesus back His rightful place. If you will make this one big decision, it will take care of so many little decisions. Does Jesus want you to make a fool of yourself by arguing with an umpire? No. Does He want you to pull your child away from church Sunday after Sunday because your travel team plays in weekend tournaments that keep you constantly on the road and out of town? No. Does He want you to make your child keep playing a sport simply because if the child doesn’t keep at it he will never make the high school team? No. You see, once you have rededicated yourself to Jesus, that familiar question, “What would Jesus do?” takes on a whole new importance. If Jesus wouldn’t do something, you shouldn’t do it.

Perhaps by now you’re thinking that I’ve been reading either your mind or your mail. I haven’t. It’s just that, as I said, I know this subject very well. And, despite the conclusion you may have already drawn about me, I do know that sports doesn’t automatically equate to idolatry. Sports is fine when kept within acceptable parameters. It can even be a great thing. It promotes exercise, teaches teamwork, and rewards extra effort. It’s only when sports gets taken to the point of fanaticism, craze, and downright absurdity that it becomes idolatry. In that case, it has no place in the life of the Christian.

In the end, I certainly don’t expect our society to repent of its ways. I’ll bank on seeing a stadium full of people, on a Sunday at 1:00 p.m., in frigid weather, cheering wildly at a Pittsburgh Steelers or Green Bay Packers game this season. Those folks won’t all have just come from Sunday morning services either. We Christians, however, must reserve our worship for Jesus. More than that, we must show our kids just how devoted we are to Him. If that involves adjusting our mindset, so be it. If it involves missing a game, so be it. If it involves the extreme of quitting a sport, so be it. We must do whatever is necessary to bring every area our lives, including the area of youth sports, under the lordship of Christ. This won’t just help our kids; it will help us. And, after all, aren’t we the ones who are supposed to be molding and shaping them?

September 11, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Children, Church attendance, Fatherhood, God's Will, Parenting, Priorities, Sports | , , , , , | Leave a Comment

What Does The Bible Teach About Divorce & Remarriage?

Any series on marriage would be lacking if it didn’t address the issue of divorce and remarriage. For one thing, it would pass over an entire category of marriages, a category that has become commonplace in our society. For another, it would omit a fair-sized list of important Bible passages.

What I want to do is build a bridge that will allow us to rightly understand what the Bible teaches about divorce and remarriage. To build this bridge, I’ll use 7 “planks” of truth. Each of these “planks” comes straight from the pages of scripture.

Plank #1: God’s ideal for marriage is one man-one woman till death do they part. This is taught in both the Old Testament (Genesis 2:24; Proverbs 5:18) and the New Testament (Matthew 19:1-6; Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Corinthians 7:1-5,39). While it’s true that prominent Old Testament characters like Jacob, David, and Solomon had many wives, it’s also true that such polygamous relationships were never God’s will. He allowed them, and even used them to further His purposes, but He never approved of them. Furthermore, even a casual study of these families will show that polygamy comes with a steep bill. It inevitably creates major problems because it evokes great jealousy among the wives.

Plank #2: God hates divorce. These are His words, not mine. They are found in Malachi 2:16. Note that He hates divorce, not the  divorcee. If you wonder why He hates divorce, I’m guessing that you’ve never been personally touched by it. Typically, it is a gutwrenching, heartbreaking, devastating ordeal. It is especially hard when children are involved. The kids get washed over by the tidal wave. For that matter, so do the grandparents, uncles, aunts, in-laws, and other family members. God doesn’t just hate divorce because of what it does to the husband and wife; He hates it because of what it does to the rest of the family on both sides.       

Plank #3: Despite His ideal for marriage and His hatred of divorce, God will grant a divorce in certain situations. One situation involves sexual immorality on the part of the husband or wife. Jesus said, “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32; 19:9).

The Greek word that is translated as “sexual immorality” is porneia. It is an umbrella term that covers every form of sexual sin: adultery (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:9), homosexuality (Jude v.7), and incest (1 Corinthians 5:1). Therefore, God considers all of these sexual sins as legitimate grounds for divorce. Not coincidently, these sexual sins, as well as that of bestiality, were forbidden under Old Testament law (Leviticus 18:1-30). So, to sum up, if a husband or a wife has any kind of sexual relations outside the marriage, God will grant a divorce to the victimized spouse.   

A second situation in which God will grant a divorce involves abandonment. It must be understood, though, that this abandonment is of a highly specific nature. It is a Christian spouse being left (abandoned) by a non-Christian spouse. Writing under the inspiration of God (2 Timothy 3:16), the apostle Paul wrote that the Christian is not “under bondage in such cases” (1 Corinthians 7:15).

Plank #4: In any case where God grants a divorce, He also grants the right to remarry, assuming the remarriage is in His will. In 1 Corinthians 7:27-28, Paul says, “Are you bound (married) to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed (divorced). Are you loosed (divorced) from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned.” As for the new marriage needing to be in His will, that is a standard for any marriage (1 Corinthians 7:39).

Plank #5: Unscriptural divorce creates adultery. If a person gets a divorce on grounds that are not Biblical, and then remarries, that remarriage makes the person an adulterer. I realize this is a tough standard, but it’s the one that Jesus lays down in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9.

The specific example He cites in those verses assumes that both the husband and the wife will remarry and consumate their new marriages. God will see those consumations as adultery because, in His mind, that husband and wife will still be in marriage covenant with each other. To make matters worse, the consumations will also make adulterers of each of the new spouses.

Plank #6: There is forgiveness to be found in Christ for every sin in regards to marriage, divorce, and remarriage. The little epistle of 1 John was written to Christians, and it says in 1 John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” That covers the Christian who needs to seek forgiveness of sin in this area. The issue with the Christian is not lost salvation; it is lost fellowship with the Lord.

But what about the lost person? Well, we must understand that the lost person is already living under divine condemnation. As John 3:18 says: “He who believes in Him (Christ) is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.” Really, a lost person’s sin in regards to marriage, divorce, and remarriage is just more unforgiven sin in a lifetime filled with unforgiven sin. He or she doesn’t lose any fellowship with God because there is no fellowship to lose. The point is, the lost person needs to believe in Christ as Savior and thereby receive forgiveness of all sins. God’s word to such a man or woman is: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved” (John 3:16-17).

Plank #7: Whatever singular marriage a person is currently in, God wants that person to remain in that marriage. Again I will reference 1 Corinthians 7:27, where Paul writes, “Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed…” I’ll also mention the Malachi 2:16 verse where God says that He hates divorce. What I’m showing you here is that even if a husband or wife realizes that his or her current marriage is adulterous because it came after an unscriptural divorce, God wants that person to stay in the marriage. He or she shouldn’t end the new marriage in divorce and try to remarry the previous spouse. That will just make a bad situation worse.

Alright, now that we have these 7 planks of our bridge in place, we can do a little detail work on the bridge. Here now are 10 ”detail” pieces that will help fill in some of the gaps. As was the case with the “planks,” each of these is based upon scripture.

1. God is the only “judge” who can truly grant a divorce. Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). The judge downtown is just a man. He doesn’t have the power to separate a couple that God Himself has joined together. That judge can provide a legal document of divorce, but he can’t make that document stand good in the eyes of God.  

2. Even though there are many unscriptural grounds (incompatibility, alcoholism, drug addiction, spousal abuse, child abuse, financial problems, etc.) that people deem as worthy for divorce, not one of these is legitimate with God.

3. God does allow husbands and wives in troubled marriages to separate and yet not divorce. This should be remembered especially in marriages in which one of the spouses is truly at physical risk. 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 says: “A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart (leave, separate), let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband…” Separation does not have to lead to divorce.

4. Even in situations in which God sees Biblical grounds for divorce, He does not demand divorce (1 Corinthians 7:12-14). He would be pleased if the couple worked out their problems and made the marriage last.  

5. In the Old Testament law that God gave to Israel, a man could not divorce his wife and then remarry her again if she got remarried and divorced after he first divorced her (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).

6. Under that Old Testament law, a man could divorce his wife for virtually any reason as long as he provided her with a written certificate of divorcement (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). However, centuries later, Jesus explained that God allowed this practice merely because of the hardness of the peoples’ hearts. Such divorces were never His will (Matthew 19:4-9).

7. Under that Old Testament law, a priest could not marry a divorced woman, a widow, a defiled woman, or a harlot (Leviticus 21:14).

8. It is never God’s will for a Christian to marry a lost person (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). But such marriages do happen. For example, one spouse might become a Christian while the other spouse refuses to do so. Or perhaps a lost person falsely claims to be a Christian long enough to marry a true Christian. Or sometimes Christians simply marry people they shouldn’t marry. Regardless of how such a union comes to pass, God wants the Christian to stay in the marriage and make it work. This is clearly taught in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14.

9. It is noteworthy that when Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well, He said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands…” He didn’t say, “In God’s eyes, you are still married to each husband.” Why did Jesus word His conversation this way? It is at least possible that the woman provided each of those five husbands with the God-honored grounds of sexual immorality. If this was the case, God would have granted each husband a divorce, which would have, in His eyes, left the woman without a husband.

10. No Christian will have to worry about any eternally lingering effects of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Jesus taught that there will be no marriage in eternity (Matthew 22:30). The only marriage will be that of the bridegroom, Jesus, to His bride, the church, (Ephesians 5:22-32).

Well, perhaps after reading all of this you feel like you’ve been clubbed to death with the Bible. If you are divorced or divorced and remarried, you might feel like a second-class person in the eyes of God. Please don’t do that. Neither unscriptural divorce nor unscriptural divorce and remarriage is the unpardonable sin. There is complete forgiveness to be found in Christ!

Even more than that, God still wants to use you in wonderful ways in His service. Think about it, if He can use a murderer like Moses (Exodus 2:11-15), an adulterer-murderer like David (2 Samuel 11:1-27), a persecutor like Paul (Galatians 1:13), and a thief dying on a cross (Luke 23:39-43), He can certainly use you. 

You say, “But Russell, you don’t know how badly I’ve missed the mark on this subject.” Tell me, have you missed it any worse than that Samaritan woman at the well? She had five failed marriages on her track record and she was living with another guy who wasn’t even one of them (John 4:18). And yet, God used her as one of the greatest examples of soul winning in all the Bible (John 4:28-30,39-42).       

Listen, don’t let an unscriptural divorce or an unscriptural divorce and remarriage become the event that stands out as the mountaintop peak of your life. Once you’ve realized the sin in what you’ve done, receive the 100% forgiveness that Jesus offers and START AFRESH AND ANEW RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE IN SERVICE TO HIM.

I don’t know if you’ve heard but the Lord is running short on volunteers. If you want to serve Him, He will put you to work! Will you ever forget your bad marriage? No. Will you have to deal with some fallout from it as long as you live? Perhaps. But everybody has things in their past they’d like to forget, and everybody is dealing with some fallout from something. So, give yourself fully over to Christ and get on with your life. Stop living in the past. Realize that in Christ you really can have a joyous present and you really do have a glorious future.

September 8, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Divorce, Divorce & Remarriage, God's Will, Homosexuality, Husbands, Marriage, Polygamy, Wives | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

What About Communication In Marriage?

It’s been said that problems in a marriage don’t become catastrophic until the couple can’t talk about them. It’s also been said that the most frightening sound in marriage is silence. The Bible certainly gives us many verses that pertain to communication. Consider these:

-Psalm 34:13: “Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit.”

-Psalm 141:3: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.”

-Proverbs 10:11: “The mouth of the righteous is a well of life, but violence covers the mouth of the wicked.”

-Proverbs 10:21: “The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of wisdom.”

-Proverbs 12:18: “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.”

-Proverbs 13:3: “He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.”

-Proverbs 15:1: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

-Proverbs 18:21: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

-Proverbs 21:23: “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.”

-Proverbs 25:11: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”

-James 3:6: “And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.”

-1 Peter 3:10: ”He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips fromspeaking deceit.”

I’ve read that there are five levels of communication in marriage. As I name these five, see which one best describes your marriage:

#1: the frivolous level: This kind of communication centers around small talk about the weather, clothes, the neighbors, etc. It’s just chit chat that has no depth whatsoever. A husband says, “It’s cold out there today.” His wife says, “Yes, it’s supposed to be warmer tomorrow.”

#2: the factual level: This kind of communication involves the reporting of facts without emotion. A wife says, “I saw that a state trooper had someone pulled over today.” Or a husband says, “The Thompsons bought a new grill.” The factual level is little more than a notch above the frivolous level. 

#3: the fellowship level: At this level, married couples talk about ideas and philosophies. A wife says, ” Some people strongly believe that our nation should never go to war.” Her husband responds, “Yes, Linda at work holds that opinion, but Charlie is always arguing with her that wars sometimes have to be fought to ensure the greater good.” You see, neither spouse has staked out a position, but the topic is bigger than anything from the previous two levels. 

#4: the feeling level: Here spouses really open up and speak in very personal ways. The wife says, “Well, I agree with Linda. Our nation has seen enough war. We need to try pacificism a while.” But the husband responds, “No, Charlie makes the better argument and I’m with him on this issue.” Each spouse has now opened himself or herself up to potential criticism and rejection.

#5: the freedom level: At this highest level of communication neither spouse holds anything back. Every hope, dream, fear, opinion, belief, etc. is out there on display. There is no worry about being judged, put down, or rejected. Even if one spouse doesn’t agree with the other, there is unconditional love and acceptance.

Always keep in mind that intimidation through temper is not good communication. Taking a superior, arrogant tone and belittling your spouse is not good communication. Out-yelling your spouse is not good communication. Out-talking your spouse is not good communication. Guilt trips created by crocodile tears is not good communication. If you are in the habit of wielding any of these weapons when you talk to your spouse, STOP IT. You are killing any chance that your marriage has at reaching the freedom level, that highest level of communication. For that matter, you might very well be killing your marriage. 

And here’s one last thought: Communication cannot occur until someone is ready to listen. If your idea of communicating is getting the floor and holding it, you’re half a person. James 1:19 says: “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” Tell me, how fast are you at hearing? The faster you are, the better you will be at communication.

Believe me, many a marriage can be shored up, made better, or even saved if one spouse will just look at the other and say, “I have dominated the communication around here for a long time. So right now I’m going to just sit here and listen to anything you want to tell me. I promise not to get mad, defensive, or defiant. I’m genuinely interested in what’s on your mind these days.” Maybe you are one that needs to give this little exercise a try. You’ll probably be surprised at what you hear, and I guarantee you that your marriage communication will be taken to a higher level.

September 3, 2009 Posted by russellmckinney | Communication, Husbands, Marriage, Wives | , , , | 1 Comment